My Best Friend Broke My Heart Intensely.I was best friends with this girls for about 4 years. Even though she was my friend, sometimes she would say and do misleading things to make me think that she like me and i could never figure out if she was doing it on purpose or on accident. It started when we were friends in high school. When we became friends she would flirt with me, hug me close to her, and put her hand on top of mines when we would study together. I wanted to ask her out but when we were around each other she would talk about this other guy she had feelings for. It made me so confused and i decided not to ask her out. Even though me and her were just friends i fell in love with her 7 months after knowing her. I wanted to tell her my feelings so badly but i didnt have the confidence to and before i knew it the school year was over. I missed her so much during the summer because when we were friends for the first year we had met, we didn't have each others phone numbers yet.
When the next year of school started i was so happy to see her. Me and her didnt talk that much because we didnt have any classes together. Even so i still had feelings for her and i tried to ask her out. When i asked her out she told me that she had a boyfriend. I was dissapointed at the time but not that hurt-broken. I was going to move on with the feelings i had for her until she said ''If i didnt have a boyfriend i wouldve said yes to you''. I was so happy because she made me think that i couldve had a chance to be with her. She was in a relationship with her boyfriend for about a month and then she broke up with him. A few weeks after she broke with him, she started flirting with me again. She would hold my hand when we walked in the hallways, she would hug me multiple times in the cafeteria, and when other guys tried to flirt with her before class, she would bring me over and started flirting with me. I really thought she liked me so i asked her out a second time to the movies. She rejected me and said ''I dont want to go out with you because im afraid you might do something to me and take advantage of me.'' Even though that was a hurtful thing for her to say to me i got over it because i was blinded by love.
When she rejected me i stopped trying to hang out with her so much. Then one week later she started flirting with me all over again. I was so confused but happy at the same time. Then another month later i gave her a necklace and she gave me a kiss on the cheek. Then i asked her out again and got rejected again. So i was starting to hang out with this other girl and she told me that she was a little jealous because of it. Im thinking to myself ''that you keep rejecting me but you get jealous when i hang out with other girls.'' It makes me think that she was playing hard to get. Me being so blinded by love, i kept giving in to her flirting behavior. When the school year was over again i had graduated, but we still hung out together. One day when i was walking her home she told me to kiss her on the forehead and then a few minutes later she kissed me on the cheek and said ''goodbye ill see you later'. It seemed like every time i tried to let her go she does things to pull me back in.
During the summer time i went out of state to continue my education for a few months. I was so in love with her and i missed her so much because i havent seen her in a few months. I couldnt take anymore and i finally told her i was in love with her. Then she told me to never say that to her again and then she hung up the phone. My heart was shattered to pieces i was in so much emotional pain. The thing is at the time she had feelings for someone else and she was hiding it from me. I only found that out 1 year after it had happened. But let me get back to the current situation. After i got rejected for like the 4th or 5th time in a row i was hurting so much. The only thing that made me feel better was the fact that she would call me and tell me how much she missed me and she told me that i was the best guy-friend that she ever had. When i wanted to give up on love she always said and did things to keep my faith up. It had been so many months since i seen her and the first thing i wanted to do when i seen her again was to tell her how much i missed her, i love her, and i wanted to be with her. However when came back from being out of state she told that she had a boyfirend. I was so devastated because a month ago she told she wasnt going to date again intil she got into college but i guess she lied to me. I was so angry and hurt. When i was alone i would break things, cry over her for the past two weeks, and blame myself for not being good enough for her. Once again i told her that i was in love with her and i told her not to talk to me about her boyfriend anymore. She was so upset and she said sorry. But even after i told her not to talk to me about her boyfriend she did it anyway because she needed some relationship advice. I gave her some advice but a few weeks after that she broke up with him anyway.
About a two months later she told me that she wished that she could go with me but she didnt want to do long distance relationships because she was going to college soon. Why does she keep making me think that she has feelings for me so she could reject me all over again. But my stupid self actually believed her. When she started college i would travel with her to school and then leave i did that with her for two months. We would kiss and flirt with each other most of the time but then she stills me that she doesnt want to date until after college because she doesnt want to be tempted by sex. It bothered me that my best friend couldnt even trust me. She was my best firend and she knew i would never do anything to take advantage of her.
All of the sudden after that, she ignored me for the next few months. I was so worried about her. She wouldnt pick up her phone. She wouldnt call me. I thought something really bad happened to her. I kept calling her because even though i had feelings for her, she was my best friend before anything and i wasnt going to let her be upset. When she finally picked up the phone she got really mad at me because i called her so much. She was going through some family-related issues and she was hurting over it. She said i was annoying and i couldnt take a hint. But who makes their friend worry about them and then calls them annoying when they try to help. She made me worry about her for 4 months straight. She barely called. Sometime she barely bothered to send me a message. I remember i sent her a message that said ''hi how you doing?'' It took her three weeks to respond. But instead of greeting me back she says ''I have a boyfriend we been going out for a while''. That was so messed up. For the thrid time in a row she a has flirted with we, played with my heart, and then picked someone else over me. She tricked me once again. She told she wasnt going to date until after college but she lied to me anyways.
I felt a pain that i never felt before. For three and half years she has played with my heart and lied to me over and over again when it came to relationships. My best friend broke my heart not once, not twice, not three times, not four times, but five different times. I could never move on with my life over those years because every time i tried to move on she kept doing things to make me fall in love with her again. The one girl i always trusted, i always loved, and my closest friend of all played my heart. I hate her so much. She knew how much i loved her but my feelings were never enough for her. Even though she never used me for money or for the things i have, she took advantage of my heart. She played me from day 1. Anybody on the face of the earth can judge all they want. But i cant wait for day the intil i have the courage to tell her that i HATE her with all my heart.
This was all the reasons why she has ever rejected me in the past 3 and a half years but yet she played with my heart anyway.
1.Because she didnt trust me
2. Because i was tall
3. Because of my ethnic background (even though we were both brown skin)
4. Because she didnt want a relationship intil after high school
5. Because she was concerned that the relationship might end up in sex
6. Because she didnt want a relationship intil after college
7. Because she was afraid that a relationship will cause her to lose me as a friend
8. Because she just wanted to be friends
Its funny how she said she was my best friend but she couldnt even give me once chance at a relationship with her. But i really need peoples opinion because i think someone might tell why she did all this to me.
Thinking101 18-21, M 2 Responses 1 Nov 16, 2012