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Will Someone Else Want Me?

I'm married, been with him 7 years, I knew we shouldn't had been married. Now he's a nice man, but he isn't for me. We have issues, I though things would change these past 4 years, but it seems to get worse. I stepped out, felt bad the first time, the second time, no, no guilt, maybe alil bit. Not guilt because I've told him hundereds of time what's wrong, what I need, he didn't meet me half way. I think it's time for us to divorce, but I'm afraid that I'll be lonely, afraid no one will want to be married to me. men these days don't want to marry, but I desire to get married again if/when I divorce. I just don't want to be alone, i love the companionship of a man.
lovely618 lovely618 26-30, F 5 Responses Nov 19, 2011

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I have never been married. I am a great dater, but in relationships, well thats a whole different story. I will say this. I have been in relationships where I have felt more alone then I ever have being single. Try worrying about you...do what makes YOU happy. There are 2 types of people in this world, those who give you energy and those who take it away. You cannot control what he does or doesnt do for you... You can only control yourself. Take your power back and make yourself happy. That doesnt necessarily mean getting a divorce but when you turn your attention onto yourself, working on yourself, making yourself happy then maybe your relationship will fix itself. If not then maybe its not meant to be. However I promise you, either way, you will feel more whole and happy at the end of the day with or without him.

Hiya! Thought I give you a mans perspective. I also a christian, but the issues you are having has nothing to do with spirituality. You are doing way too much for your husband and now he seems to be taking you for granted. You have to make him work for your 'affections'. Try being aloof. It adds mystery. lol reward him for good behavior and whatever you do, don't let anyone treat you like a doormat- including your husband. Goodluck.

Oh honey, I've been aloof, I've been cold, hot, warm, absent, all that, no change, non, zero, nada. Soooooooooo, I plan to be absent, not only in mind and spirit, but physically. Separation is on the agenda, will a possible side of the dreaded "D" word. I'm too young and beautiful to have a man take me for granted darling. I've hung in there, gave him time, I've pleaded for affection, attention, romance, time, and sexual fulfillment, I’m done, I'm well done.

Well then you've tried your best and perhaps its just not meant to be... I wish you all the best going forward.

Having lived much of what you wrote, I understand what you feel and are going through. Luckily you are young and have the ability to move forward. Nice does not mean appropriate or right. Sorry no answers .. just commiseration. Good luck.

:-(

If he is good to you. Why would you want anyone else. Some women are in a situation that is abused and really a mess. Sounds like you need to chill out and keep the one your married to and work at getting your marriage restored. Many who marries may not of married the one they married. But you made the decision then. Keep your vow and put the Lord in the center of your marriage and God can restore and make your marriage like it should be. One of the most problems with marriages is selfishness. You win your husband by your converstation. And I believe your husband will change when he sees you change. Sometimes you got to humble your self. Even if you feel like your not in the wrong. The out come will come for the better. It takes three to have a successful relationship. Jesus centered. And forgiveness will do wonders in a person's life.

SO pretty much believe that if I'm not getting my head beat in everyday that means I should stay? People REALLY fail to realize that there is more than one way to screw up a marriage. But I suppose I should stay because he's an overall good person, he just neglects to care for my heart, my emotions, and my sexual appetite.

One thing that has turned me from Christianity is the fact that Christians forget that we all are human, we have feelings, we have needs. I've prayed, I've went on a fast, I've sought counsel, I've tried developing a deeper prayer life with my hubs, thinking that would bring us closer spiritually, and physically. I've talked to him a thousand times about the same issue, and nothing. So all the prayer in the world, Bible reading, all that hasn't helped.

I've even suppressed my needs in order to attempt to be satisfied with the little bit that he was giving, and that did nothing but **** me off even more.

I was dating him, taking him to hotels to get away from the everyday, taking him out of town for his B-Day, rubbing his feet, giving pedicures/manicures, cooking gourmet meals by candlelight, giving him baths by candlelight, doing everything I could to worship this man, and in return i got NOTHING!!!!! SO I was NOT selfish. But after doing this time and time again with no return on my investment, I'm tired, I'm burnt out. SO I will not continue to make myself a darn doormat for a man who doesn't feel that I'm worthy of his time, energy, money, etc.

So please, all the talk about Jesus is cool, but just be a woman, be real, be honest, be transparent, and talk to me, woman to woman, heart to heart.

If my husband sounds better suited for a boring church lady, please send me here name and info because I'm tired.

On your first comment you said he was good to you. That was what I was reading. That's why my question why leave if he is good to you. I'm sure you have felt you should have taken your first response that you should not have married him. But don't say that prayer and the word of God doesn't work. It does work. God does not say ask and you shall receive. Believe to receive etc. He is a God that cannot lie. God can't make anyone change if they don't want to. He has given us a free will. Do it God's way it will work. Must have faith that it will change. God can fulfill you where no man can. He will give you pearce and a joy. Your looking to your husband to fill areas that your husband isn't going to. Until he gets to the place to be able to understand. I pray that restoration comes to your marriage. Don't become bitter towards Christians who is giving you good counsel.

Yes God can fill me where man cannot, that's if I still believed in God. I've given up on Him, well I guess I'm back and forth with it really. And I AM bitter, against the church. Church is one thing that has put a rift in my marriage. I've tried doing it Gods way, the church way, I’m so unsatisfied, I'm bored, I'm married to what seems to be an old super saved Christian man. Yes, he's nice, doesn't talk bad to me, never hits me, but he doesn't romance me, no surprises, no pampering me, no putting me first, not sexual satisfaction. I want all those things, and I'm not asking for things that I haven't myself given. They're not big things, I'm not asking to be taken to the moon and eat a romantic dinner in a new country every night. I just want the house cleaned when I'm done doing 16 hours shifts, i want someone to cook me dinner after I've been dealing with patients all day, catering to them. I want Bird of Paradise flowers sometimes, roses just because. When I ask for a massage, I would like to be done whole heartedly, not doing it half way because the game is on or you don't want to. I don't want to ask you 15 times politely to do something because I'm not you mother and I don't want to nag you. I would love for you to give me 120 percent just like I've given to you. I've done all this, still nothing. I'm tired, I have no fire left. I'm married to him, but my heart isn't in it anymore, we are just roommates and friends. I’ve told him all my needs numerous times, still nothing. I'm tired, I'm done, I failed. Sorry for being so cross with you. You didn't deserve that.

I heard that girl....every word that you've said, and I empathize with you, I think that the question you have to ask yourself, is "Are you still in love with him?"...because if the answer is "Yes"...then your marriage is worth fighting for....if however the answer in "NO"....then perhaps, sadly, its time to move on....I know precisely what you mean about losing your faith, because I've been in those shoes as well....wondering where my breakthrough is....because I'm starting to seriously believe that the man that I'm with now, is not the one that I was waiting on God to send, but rather a distraction, blocking me from the one I'm really supposed to be with....However I wish you all the best, and hope and pray that you will find happiness with your husband again...!

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What's wrong in your marriage? In my experience a woman doesn't step out if she's getting the good good attention at home. What's your issue and maybe I can help.