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I'm Afraid of Being Alone Forever

Me and my boyfriend just broke up today. His family moved to California for the Summer, and possibly longer. He doesn't know when he'd be coming back. But I was having emotional problems of him never being around. So I broke up with him because of that, even though he was trying to keep us together. It wasn't an angry break up though, he understood.

 

He says that when he turns 18 he wants to move back here because of me. He turns 18 this August, so I just need to wait a month to find out if he'll follow through with that. I really think he didn't want to break up because he kept thinking of all these things on how we'd get back together or maybe we could both stick it out until he moves back. But I couldn't do it.

 

I'm just really angry now because I finally find a guy that loves me and I can love him back a whole lot some day and this happens where he can't be around. I really care about him and I can honestly say I would like to see him in my future, weather we're together or just friends, we really get along well.

 

Now that we're apart my biggest fear is that he's going to find someone else out where he is, or he'll just forget about me. I'm afraid of being alone forever now without a boyfriend.

 

He was my first boyfriend and I fear my last. It took me 16 years to get a boyfriend and I see my best friend going through guy after guy because she's so beautiful.

 

I just want him back with me so much, I would have stayed with him if it weren't for the emotional tole of wondering where he was if I hadn't spoken to him for a few days and wondering when he'll ever come home. He made me feel beautiful and looked at me through the eyes that I wish I could see myself through. I only see an ugly fat girl with mental problems, but he sees me as beautiful and wonderful and smart. No guy has ever seen me like that before (besides family of course).  And I'm afraid it won't happen again.

 

I always think I'm so undesirable and that's what makes guys not like me I assume, but I just can't see myself like how he saw me..

 

I'm afraid that he won't ever come back to me and that I'll never get over him because he's my first love. So now I'm alone and without a boyfriend and I feel terrible. I hardly have any friends either. So I don't know what to do.

DeathsxDesign DeathsxDesign 16-17 Jul 1, 2008

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