I've Never Not Had This Fear.

When I was younger, my family was POOR.  As in, my parents would let us eat first and eat later if there was food.  However, my mom had great parents with large amounts of credit so that when she turned to them, we would always have what we needed.  I know this sounds dumb, but I never even knew how poor we really were until after my grandfather died and it was only my parents' income. 

I put myself through college on grants and loans and law school solely on loans (grants were not given in graduate school).  Now, /I am in a comfortable financial position.  I don't have my license as I did not pass the bar yet, but I am in the legal field.  I can walk into a store and not immediately have to head for the bargain bin.  I can buy that new piece of jewelry or clothing for me or my boy if I want it. 

However, my past still lingers, as it always does.  I am terrified of being poor again one day.  I have become obsessed lately by what happens if I can't work or when I retire.  Will my savings be enough?  I was also always around illness so I think this adds to my fear.  If I become infirm, what will happen to me?  I am scared just contemplating it. 
patchworkofmistakes patchworkofmistakes
26-30, F
2 Responses Dec 24, 2007

I am in the same situation as you. My mum just had her savings wiped out due to a phone scam last year, and I am catapulted into this state of extreme worrying of the whole family not having enough money to survive. I earn a stable income and am in a stable job but I hate this nagging feeling that plagues me on every purchase that i make, even food. <br />
It is like a disease

Thank you so much, ElleMeza. I think you are right. I am thinking that maybe giving to those less fortunate whose shoes I HAVE walked in will help with this fear.