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How Did I End Up Here?

I grew up with horrible abused and to this day still hear my mom telling me I would never amount to nothing, I was abuse starting at 9 with drugs so my mom could put me to sleep so she could go out. I met my husband when we were teenagers..I manage after my mom passed away to finish college and worked 2 jobs while my husband went to med school,.We have 5 kids and I had a great business.after our 4th child I became ill with graves disease an autoimmune disease that attacks your thyroid. My husband couldn't hamdle it an got an apartment next to a hospital and left me. No I didnt learn! We went thru counsling for years ,I also had our fifth child. My husband seem to always put our cars and home in his name,I trusted him we have been together 30 years. Now something has happened over the last 10 years .with autoimmune diseases your likely to get other ones I got Lupus I have lost one lung and am not in great health mean while he has taken everything away from me, my car ,I havent been even kissed in 7 years, I look terrible but it isnt my fault. I use to be pretty He leaves for 14 hours/day 7/wk and says he is working but yet he says we have no money. He makes 300.000 a year,and we live in a dump. We have 1 10 year old car, we never have food ,I have to ask for everything ,he hides everything at work .I sit and cry I am so lonley I just see the days passing by .We had so many dreams, now all I hear is go away.  He sleeps alone,  I have a chair and a 8x10 room, no sink to wash in, the water dont work. If I say anything he screams so loud my ears ring, he never yelled at me before, I have no relatives ,in fact this started after my Dad passed who was my last living relative.  I stay locked in my room to avoid his verbal abuse it scares our 13 year old but life is passing by I cant work anymore.  He sold my office with our home.  I have terrible fatige.  I dont want to die like this,  I wanted to write a book and travel, help the poor.what do I do?  Lawyers want money, I have nothing.  I have been wearing the same outfit for 3 years its held together with pins, Ive tried to walk to our church but I cant make it.  I 'm housebound , my hair is down to my knees and in knots.  Im a darn mess. No friends or family. My older kids cant take it here and left. My oldest daughter just came 7 month ago and now she has began to panic over what happento her Dad she has nothing either she came to get away from a husband that knocked her teeth out and thanks to my genes she has rhuematoid arthritis, I keep trying to find these work from home jobs but thet rip you off.  Im so tired I havent had a bed or 4 hours sleep straight in 10 years .Im afraid I will end up homless.Jail would be better than this .How do I find out where our money is? what about my rights. .My husband is a doctor and a good one. My mom said know one would love me.Why?
nonny419 nonny419 51-55, F 3 Responses Mar 17, 2011

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I live in OH ,It makes things hard because my kids are in junior high.They aren't going to go to a shelter with me, My husband acts like he does nothing wrong .My life changed in a bl<x>ink of an eye,and time is going by so fast , I get scared and terrible loneliness, I'm so trapped and don't have much energy to fight anymore, I'm a very smart person about woman's holistic health care and any thing to do with relaxation therapy,I had such a good business working as a midwife and massage therapist, I'm trying to find a way to start a web sight and Ive been working on a book. I go through hard times though with no car and no money and having to ask for food it's humiliating, Having lupus and MS both has taken a toll on my body.They're hard to deal with especially under such stress. Thanks for caring.

nonny please find a Social worker and ask about legal aid. see if somebody can help you! Whjere do you live? if you don't mind our asking?

God Nonny, I hope you find the courage to reachout to someone social worker, community worker who ever and find someone to help you. I know its hard for you but remember you are worth the fight and you are worth fighting for!!