My First/only Love Is Marrying Someone Else :(

I'm so sad. I'm 35 and have only loved 1 girl. It was 5 years ago and I still love her, I've always loved her. We were so connected, she seemed to be my soulmate, we would talk for hours every night and it was always exciting. I always thought she just needed time and that we would end up together. Its been 5 years and I said hi to her a year ago, but she didn't keep in touch. I tried again just recently. This time she seems excited to hear from me but tells me she has plans to get married and that she's met an amazing man. I am totally devastated.  I should have been that man, he's leading MY life, he's going to be happy with MY girl. I don't know what to do, I'm frantic, I'm depressed, I'm angry, I'm totally lost. There are NO other girls like her, believe me, I've looked. I feel like I met such an amazing girl in her and our connection was so unbelievable that I will never fall in love again if I dont experience that level of connection again with someone else. I'm afraid this will never happen and I don't want to settle for just some girl that I don't feel strongly for.  My one hope for happiness is about to marry someone else.  My life doesn't seem to have any meaning any more. I don't know what to do. I'm sad all the time now, I dont know how to cope with this.

RomanticTraveler RomanticTraveler
71 Responses Nov 13, 2008

I love someone alot but he got engaged with hi

I had a good friend that had a major crush on me. He was a great guy and everything but I never had those kinds of feelings for him. I just viewed him as a friend or even like a brother. We were I guess close, we talked alot on the phone and we hung out frequently but that's all it was for me. Just two friends hanging out.

I ended the friendship at one point when I found he still had those feelings for me. I remained friends with him after he assured me that our being friends wasn't in any way hurting him. I didn't want to lead anyone on.

The bottom line is - and what I'm trying to tell you is that this woman that you say you love so much probably never shared those feelings so your love was never truly realized. To me a one sided love isn't real love. It has to go both ways. You may just be pining over the one you couldn't have which is sometimes much more appealing than when you actually have that person.
Believe me, there will be another "original" woman out there that will replace what seems irreplacable. There are many other fish in the sea, you just have to be open to it.

I don't know, this definitely sounds like much more than a crush, as you don't spend years being in love with a crush. Finding what the OP had is extraordinarily rare in this world. You normally do not find someone you can spend hours talking to and share that deep a connection with. It's been a long time since he posted this, so I hope he's moved on and is doing well, but it sounds like he really loved/loves her. Every now and then you find something like what the OP had, for me it happened a long time ago when I was 17, I still think of her atleast once a day, but I can hardly remember/think about all the other people I've dated over the years before her and since. I think it can happen at any age, and sometimes I wonder if it only truly happens once or twice in your life. Most guys will have many 'loves', and countless infatuations and crushes, however for some reason will only truly and completely love, and be open with a very small handful of women (sometimes only one) throughout their life. I've talked to other guys over the years, and it is not unusal to never stop entirely loving someone you truly love, someone that you could be you around, and shared something deep with. I think it's a lot more than a crush who got away for him.

But yeah it also happens like what you described, however having been in both circumstances at one time and another I can tell you it was an entirely different feeling. I think most people would rather be rejected a thousand times by people they like than once by someone they genuinely love. Maybe that's just been my experience though.

Well I feel that if she shared the same feelings and they wound up together, the dynamic of the relationship would be completely different and who knows, it may not have been as appealing to him. Crushes are VERY strong - I know I had a crush on someone for over ten years! I knew I'd never be with him because of who we are and where we are in life (many reasons) but I think about him everyday. I do feel like if I were with him in a committed relationship, it wouldn't be the same as the way I might imagine. When we think of the crush, we see them as perfect rather than as people with flaws. Most of the time we see them in an ideal kind of way rather than in reality. That's why we keep thinking of them and can't stop.

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Hey brother, wish to hear from you. Nice to see people still replying and supporting your 7 year old post or "feeling" rather.
I am going through something similar and at this point I feel there won't be anyone else to replace her.
I guess it would be difficult for me to feel so strong and connected with another girl.
She was my single source of happiness but chose to marry someone else and when I had to say goodbye, the pain was unbearable.
Wondering how are you doing now?

So sorry about your sadness....I truly get it though. Ten years ago I believe I met the love of my life. Although I was divorced and a mother of two, I simply fell in love with a sweet guy that I worked with. The catch is and what most people would consider crazy is that I am twenty years older. I'm now 55 and he is 35. I don't look or act my age and that is why it was so much fun. We would flirt and joke around and every chance he had, he would visit my office. We never dated or expressed our feelings for each other but it was obvious the feeling was intense between the two of us. I never initiated anything because we were co-workers and he is 20 years younger. I thought my feelings would change but of course they have not. I have fought the feelings for so long and just gave up on ever it going anywhere- He now is engaged to be married and I am very distraught but understand that its for the best. I never took the chance to see how he felt but at the same time, we remain friends. I'm happy for him but at the same time. I feel like I've lost my soul mate.

You WILL get through this friend. I went through something myself with a wonderful woman myself. I knew her for years and we spent so much time together. One day I told her my feelings and she was completely honest in telling me she didn't see a future for us. But she wanted to remain "friends." ('Friendzone’ stuff -- not a good deal for anyone). And I'll never forget the day she came to me to tell me "all about this great guy (she) met." That was almost three years ago, and they soon will be married. But I moved on after running all the emotions and depressions. I know the feeling of "he's living the life I should have had." But you have to keep in mind it was not meant to be. Time passes, and there will be another. You are only 35. I just turned 47, and my life is FAR from over. I will find the right person for me. And so will you. Stay Strong Bro. :)

I think many of time we didn't say how much I love you. We never say I didn't live without you. we didn't show our love to that person which we love most. We didn't care her emotions.we didn't show that person our best personality our best every love care .
We live in dreamworld. We think other person is never go anyway. he understands our all emotions like magic . we are not any need to tell other person is what he's important in our life.
And then other person going away we think nooooooo I am not live without you please come back.but it is too late now.
So respect other person feelings
And showthem you are the best for him .nobody take place in her life.only you are the best. and most important thing is that show your love in words and show him love. Not believe in magic.

I am sorry to hear this. I hope you have recovered. It happened to me too.

thank her like i did.. there is nothing called as the soul mate or the one... if u just need to let go of her.. Start living for yourself..
thank you for molding me into a more mature and stronger person
Thank you for bring me into lowest point of my life, making me feel empty and alone always drowning in your tears.
that is where i shined the most,because there was nowhere to go but up.
Now i am more careful with how and who i give my love to.
Now i know how much i can go through for someone i love and the lengths i would go throught to make that person happy
Now i know how to cherish every moment with the person that i love and how to cherish the way someone tells you “I Love You,” either through a simple text message or a phone call.
Now i know how to take care of my heart and what is the worth of my heart.

Now i know how to control my emotions and feelings so that i will not experience that excruciating pain of a heartbreak,
i am thankful to you because you made you feel loved even for a short period of time.Some people don’t even have the chance to feel love or even lose love before they are taken away;
thank you for letting me see that one of the greatest gifts of being alive is the ability to give, receive and even lose love.
thank you for teaching me how to be stronger through the heartbreak experience.. thank you for loving me and most of all
thank you for letting me go so that someone better will come in my life and make it all worth the wait.
thank you for rejecting and turning me down now i know you were only leading me towards the person who will ****** me.

Am juliet. I want to use this medium to tell you
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(1) If you want your ex back.
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(9) Herbal care
(10) If you can be able to satisfy your wife sex desire due to low erection.

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(13) solve a land issue and get it back.
(14) Did your family Denny you of your right?
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where is the email juliet :-)

I love a girl for 7 years same story just different title. Today she got married.

I can so relate to this. First let me say I am so very sorry for your situation. He and I were each others first loves, together for 6 years, one day he just said "its not working out", left me, but for many years after he just kept coming back around to visit, to see me, asking my family, and friends how Im doing etc. His body language says "I love you", He acts so nervous when Im around him- smiling, blushing, giggling like a love struck teenager(the same way he acted when we first met 20+ years ago), so I finally got up the courage to give him a letter pouring my heart out professing my undying love for him, and the response I get is "Im married, Im sorry". I am so devastated, he met her and married her so quickly(her first husband died, and less than 2 years later is remarried to my love!) I will never understand HOW this chick could recover from a 25 year marriage/loss of her first husband so fast. (I couldnt do it). I am still holding out hope and praying to God that SOMEDAY, I will have my love back in my life. (I must be stupid), but I know in my heart, my mind, and my gut that he still loves me. I have been in a couple of other relationships since him, but it was nothing like what we shared. So I have decided to stay single, I mean why bother being with someone if my heart's just not in it?

dear friend ,people specially girls are very selfish(no offense) at least those with whom i fell in love with.I fell head over heals with an afghan girl and been in her love for 5 long years until she married an old ,twice her age very rich old guy who is a cloth merchant so let me say that these ******* are gold diggers!
I destroyed my life and i destroyed studies and wish never to be like that ever and whatever God has given me i like to say thank to him coz he giveth and he taketh away ( its sucks and i hate it but i dont want to offend the fricking almighty too)
Now after so many years i have again fallen in love with another girl who is engaged to someone else ,now she started to very nice and good to me and i helped her a lot ion work and then i started to have feelings for her.Now she doesn't speak to me she never says hello and to top it all she goes out and hangs out with my best buddy! Tell me how should i cope with that,i ask God that please if you can give her to me make her marry me or just take her away and take her love away from my heart please! or just give a nice girl to me who loves me and i love her so that i can live my life in peace

I first fell in love with her when we were 15. I was stupid. I left her because things were very difficult. Our families were conservative and didn't allow us to get girlfriends at that age. So I hurt her. Scarred her heart by leaving her. I fell in love with someone else. But then things didn't go well. I thought about her often..About how stupid I was for leaving someone as amazing as her.

Then come 5 years later. we met again..still in love with each other. But she was now engaged with someone else. She thought I would never come back. She waited for me but I was too late.

We loved each other and she even left the guy for me. at least for a while. But then she was afraid to commit again to me because of what I did years ago. Now, I'm about to lose her completely. forever.

I know I will never love this way again..She said the same thing..

But she decided to settle..With someone she didn't love that much but she could trust to love her until the end.

It was my fault that I had to lose her now. that she couldn't trust me enough to love her again..I was stupid for letting her go..for hurting her.

I hope everyone whoever gets a chance to love someone and be loved in return by that person, never wastes that chance. We tend to take for granted people and things until they are gone.

I hope I would get a chance to be with her..and love her the way she deserves to be loved.

Maybe in my second lifetime..Maybe I'll get to meet her there and actually end up with her.. I love her so much... -mk

Add a response...

I googled how I am feeling and its funny that I found this posting after two clicks. I have a similar feelings too.

I was with an amazing woman for only 9 months. She was a musician and art therapist and guess she opened up doors in me. Unfortunately, they were a little too open a little too quickly and I needed some help. She was not the person to give me that help, which is understandable.

But I was devastated when it ended and have received therapy. But unfortunately, I still love her deeply and think about her everyday. It has been 3 years now, I really should have let her go. Most days I do.

Today I read her blog (I know, that's always a mistake) and read all about her wonderful marriage on the weekend and how much she is in love with her man in 'sacred union'.

A part of me feels some closure by this, in that, well, it really is over and I can see there is not going to be a day when a random meeting lets us make up.

I feel empty, like I am missing out on someone wonderful. I have friends and a new partner, but its not the same.

I think it is important for me to accept that I have lost her and grieve for that. If I allow myself to grieve, then over time the feeling of pain and loss will fade. If I don't accept the loss of a love, I won't grieve, just keep yearning and never move on. Its similar to experiencing the loss of someone who dies. People allow themselves to grieve when a loved one dies, knowing that they won't come back, in time this feeling fades.

I can sooo relate to all the stories on here…
Here is mine: My Soulmate and I lived together for 2 years, but because of his family (and culture related) issues, we got separate apartments in July but were still " together". Two weeks ago I find out he's arranged to married someone from back home & she arrived Wed night ( he hardly knows her but says he needs help with housework & taking care of his 10 yr old daughter (who I love VERY MUCH also). He professes his love to me daily and says there will never be anyone like me, but he needs peace of mind ( from family pressure) and stability. There are many other circumstances involving our separation, too much for right now. The wound is FRESH & I feel like my heart will NEVER come back from this… I'm 50 and have never felt as betrayed as I do now… But I will ALWAYS love him as I feel like he truly was my other half.

im 30 engaged after 9 yrs of being with my boyfriend. And i keep dreaming about my first love (twinkletwinklelittlestar). I hear him say the same things your saying (in my dreams, and im dreaming about him unexpectedly, unconsiously, and often) I guess the best thing to do is ACT UpOn it, make an effort and see how things go! You cant go through life without trying, if not you just failed! Goodluck!

I can completely relate. My ex is getting married this Saturday and honestly I don't know how to cope with it. I have tried dating other people, but have found it impossible to make it work or really feel for someone else. I finally found out what love really was and maybe that's the biggest struggle I have had. I'm trying to figure out if it would be best to say congratulations or to say nothing at all.

My ex is also getting married Saturday we met when I was 16 it was a love like no other. We were together for 13 years abd have an 8 year old. I truly believe he was my soul mate ...we have been apart for a little over 3 years now and it's like he's a different person we were engaged 2x he cheated we had a few breaks but never longer than a month or so ...idk if I'm truly hurt or it's the memories that are tearing me apart . When he got with this new girl I also met someone off the rebound and married very quickly but I guess in my own sick hurt twisted mind I thought I could grow to love again . It hasn't happend idk if it's because I won't let my husband who is so good to me and my son get close or if I'll EVER be able to love again like I did my sons father I'm crying as I type this I go to bed every night hoping to wake up and be able to give my husband the love he so desperately deserves I want to love him like I once loved it f#$king kills me inside that i can't I want to 've in love like I once was and I'm also hurt I went through so much with my ex from 16 sleeping on the streets to moving to another state to stay in his grandmothers one bedroom apartment to living in lodges to finally getting a house all this time I had a home to go to but I truly from the bottom of my heart loved my ex so much that I was willing to go to the ends of the earth with him and I just want to feel the same way about my husband I know deep inside my ex was my soul mate ..but like I said before when he got with this girl he severed ties with long time friends he totally changed and not for the better I guess the worst part that feels so unfair is she is getting my happily ever after and there is no way possible for her to love him half as deeply as I do and I want to stop loving him like that and give that love to my husband who deserves it but my head hasn't gotten through to my heart and the scariest part is I don't know if it ever will I don't know if anyone will even read this but it feels a little better to have gotten it out. My heart wants to call him and tell him how I feel just to know for sure that It's over but my head feels like if you truly love somebody even if they don't love you anymore that I just can't not because I'm scared of rejection but because true love means you're willing to sacrifice and put aside your feelings your hurt for the happiness of someone you truly LOVE ! ! !

I was dating a girl over 20 years ago, and no matter what other women I go out with, I can't forget her, even now. I have not seen her for over 20 years, and lost contact with her. I often wondered where she was, what she was doing. We never broke up, something happened, that is all i will say, but I never got closure, and I always loved her. And I always hoped we would get back together one day, find each other again.

I found out a week ago she is married, and living not far away from me. It hit me like a ton of bricks and I cried on and off for days, and a week later I still feel stunned. I feel like a large part of me has been taken away and I don't know how I am going to get over this.

I would never contact her while she is married, I would never throw a spanner in the works and cause problems for everyone involved, it has just broke my heart . Because I know if we had stayed together, it would have been me that would have married her, I feel a loss, like a life I should have had has been stolen away from me, I am trying to be more positive about this, but I don't know how to forget about her. I am happy for her, that she is ok, and seems happy. But it's killing me inside because she was my first love, and the one I have such strong feelings for, even 20 years later, I don't understand it.

I typed this out so people would know they are not alone, there are a lot of people I imagine, like us, who are broken hearted and you feel so alone as people don't understand how you can still hold onto something for so long, they say time heals, but not for me, I wish I could forget about her and move on.

I was ok when I didn't know where she was, and if she was married or not, finding out has crushed me, I wish I never found out.

Your message really touched me and I have so much empathy for your plight.. Sending you a ton of good vibes and wishing you all the very best in healing from your pain. I get a feeling that the future has lots of good stuff in store for you, Mr - just a hunch x

If you ever figure out how to go on living when all hope is lost. Please, please let me know. My heart, is as broken as yours.

I have almost the same experience...i have a bf for a year now,and he is from a different race and different culture...i love him so much,i just dont know if he can feel it,he was my everything,i take good care of him everyday....i cooked and wash clothes for almost a wife to him... But his culture dont allow him to marry outside there sect... And im not from his day he told me that his parents arranged a girl for him in marriage... I didnt know what to do and how i feel... Until now it still hunts me.. All the memories and heartaches i cant cope up... I can't love another man, i closed all the doors to my heart. He told me to get a good man for me. Im feeling so hopeless. I dont know if the one for me is really out there. I just wished i was the one he would marry. I cant stop crying. Everytime i remember him even at the bus i would still cry., i feel cheated and dumped., if he just fight for me, he will not regret everything., but im the failure., hope i can open up my heart the next time someone tap in my heart., and i hope someone will marry me...

Well I can say thus happened yo me 7 years ago. Still trying to recover. He's my bench mark, no others compare.
My mother once told me you may love many, however you only give your heart to one. Be sure that's the one you marry or else you'll lead a very long unfulfilled love life. If only I had have read between the lines!

Your mother's words seem to resonate with me. I never told the only man I have been with and loved that I loved him when we were together or even after when we remained friends for 3-4 years because I never believed in love then. I was young, focusing on myself, my career and always optimistic about finding someone that 'fit the bill'. He was much years older, waited (without ever pressurizing, asking and letting me do my thing) for 3-4 years after I broke up. We were best friends, spoke constantly, leaned on each other to get through the day, even after he moved away from the city I lived in. He got married, I went to grad school. I spent 2 miserable years in school (miserable from a happiness standpoint) only to come out realizing that I had let go of the thing that had kept me happy most of my adult life away from home.
I realized if that was not love that I felt for him, nothing was. I have never felt that connection with anyone, never been as attracted to anyone, never opened up to anyone like that.. in short, I am dealing with the loss for the past 2 years that now I think I can never overcome, because he was my soulmate and everything, and I was his. Even now I have been able to talk through this with him, but there is only that much he can offer now. Rare conversations and solace in that he went through and felt the same.

I've had a similar, if not the same experience..but in my case it was unrequited love. I loved a girl. She was the best thing I ever laid my eyes upon. I fell in love with her from the very first day I saw her. There hasn't been a single day or night when I haven't thought of her - even now her name and words make my heart sink deeper than ever - because I cannot be with her. Naturally I tried to become friends with her. We became really good friends. I told her how I feel about her, but she refused my request, stating her past breakup as a reason - she hadn't gotten over that guy. When I think of it, she also was facing a similar situation as me but only with respect to her ex. I tried convincing her to give me a chance - I loved her more than anything else in this whole wide world :( But she didn't yield. She was apparently a 'bad girlfriend' and that is why she wasn't given a chance with her ex. So I was supposed to feel good about that assumption of her's, that she is a bad girlfriend and be happy about that. Moreover, now that we are good friends, she doesn't want to spoil our beautiful friendship - kudos. But I can't forget her. I love her too much..I've tried getting over her, but it hasn't been possible till now. I haven't been able to date other girls too. Funny, though, considering I never dated her even once, or any other girl for that matter. Now she wants to marry a random new guy, because she thinks that is the only way she can be happy, forgetting her ex and all. WHY GOD, just why wasn't I given a chance? I don't care as to whether she is a from a different culture. I'm not bothered by the fact that our cultures do not match at all..I love her a lot. I don't know whether this injury to my heart will ever be healed..:( I'm in the highest level of friendzone that there ever is :P

My sons father and I were together 6 years and separated when I was pregnant with our second child. He was verbally and physically abusive sometimes and I felt we needed time apart. He was worried about his parents being disappointed so he told me to get an abortion. I dod and was bitter depressed and angry. I started dating someone afterwards but truly loved him so we still made live sometimes and the other relationship wasnt serious. In Dec he started seeing this female from another state. In January I realized how much I wanted to make it work. January 30th we were together for the last time and before he left he told me he was engaged to the girl he met in December. My birthday was February 5th he told me he loves me and I know he does on February 8th of this year he married her in less than 60 fays. Im devestated. Swinging between crying and anger. Felling rejected and wondering why he married her and not me. I Feel hopeless and like my life is over. I moved to this city and other than my job see no reason to stay here. I know I will never find anyone like him again. We know eachothers innermost thoughts. I am devastated. What do I do. Its been 2 days and I feel lime giving up on life.

hi, I found out yesterday that my ex of three years, who I left for various reasons is getting married. my daughter casually announced it whilst I was chatting to a friend. I am devastated. I have just spent an hour in the bath crying like a baby. I loved him when I left but there were complications that were making me very unhappy. we were engaged and I could truly imagine spending the rest of my life with him. leaving was the hardest thing I have ever done but I always thought or knew that when he had sorted himself out, we would find each other again. in the last twenty four hours I have been angry, desperate, stiff upper lipped and tearful! at the present mment I feel sick and scared because it feels like my future has just disappeared. im 37 and I have tried loving someone else but he is still in my heart so nothing ever worked out. I have considered going to the wedding and stopping it, I have considered contacting him and telling him to come home and for a fleeting moment considered running up the isle singing 'it should of been me'! friends have reacted in different ways to my plight. I have been advised to move on, go out on a bender, stop the wedding and some of the above. the worst part is when I saw him just over a year ago he told me he still truly loved me and was with this other woman because he had been seriously ill and she had taken care of him. I know in my heart he still loves me but he has made his devastating choice. I truly understand the way you were feeling and I would love to know how it worked out for you. I wish you all love and happiness on this very sad day.........

Its really very sad fa me as ma love of life is getting married today.I had a crush on her when I was in class 10th and even proposed to her by writing a luv letter but she rejected it and then we got in touch on FB n became gud friends and in August 2012 she got engaged and then she dropped me a msg on FB on March 2013 about her engagement and I did stop txting her since then. Suddenly I had received a msg on my FB account in May 2013. Things were not wrking out with the guy whom she was engaged and as I always wanted her in my life, I proposed her knowing the future concequences and it really started wrking out well for us even though it was a long distance relationship and I was very successful in trying convinceing ma parents as she is a Catholic and I am a Hindu. She was quiet disturbed with the abuses from her fiance and she tried convincing her parents of cancelling the wedding but her parents started with emotional blackmailing and she broke down for that and she agreed to marry the same guy to whom she was engaged. Today I had been near to function hall where her Roce ceremony took place. And tomorrow is her big day. I am going through a very bad situation. After reading all your comments n experience, I really wanted to share my experience. If anytime she is ready to come back., I'll be happiest guy on this planet.
God bless you all. <3

Ok here are my "two cents" to this topic.
About 20 years ago when I was in elementary school, I met my first one and only love. Everything was perfect in the beginning, the moment I saw her everything stood still, and she did kinda feel the same. All was fine until I ****** up everything, when other kids started to make fun of us, I could not control my ego and made the worst decision of my entire life. I turned against her, yes I still cant believe how stupid I was. I started name calling her...
Shortly after that everything went down the drain, a year later we went to different high schools and so lost all contact. I than searched for more than years for her I had no clue where she lived since she also had moved within the city. When I finally found her, 10 years after elementary school. I had the chance to finally apologize for what I did back there and I hoped we could start over again. BUT I was about years too late, she was already married...

Even after 20 years I cant stop thinking of her and the pain is as same as strong and devastating as it was back there. I am also quiet sure that I will never ever find someone like her again (at least I never did so far) and that I will probably never love anyone as I did her. I really don't know how to continue and I am constantly asking myself if there is still some hope or some option left somewhere to get her back. But I don't think so, in the end I paid the highest price for a tiny mistake I made 20 years ago when I was just a stupid little kid...

I can really understand where you all are coming from. I met who I believe is my soulmate 7 years ago in college. I saw him in class and I was immediately drawn to him. I sought him out and we began what would be a life changing relationship. We had our ups and downs, he hurt me and I hurt him. I was 18 when we met and he was 21. We were both immature and made mistakes, but we always found our way back to each other.

In 2008, he moved away after his graduation. We kept in touch and kept things going until 2009. I haven't seen him since. He met someone a few months later and didn't call when he was back in town. I knew and it was devastating but I then met someone as well. In 2010 after I had been dating my boyfriend for almost a year, he contacted me. She had broken up with him and he took the time to think and realized he loved me still and hoped that we could work. I shot him down. I was too afraid of breaking my boyfriend's heart and of what everyone else would think. I now know that I made a mistake that day that I can't take back.

They got back together later that year and he and I have not talked since early 2011. I am still with my boyfriend but realized in late 2011 that I made a huge mistake. I've never had the gall to reach out and tell my soulmate that I still love him, that I miss him and think of him every day. I love my boyfriend but he isn't the one and I can't keep this going, neither of us deserve it. He is a wonderful guy but he isn't who I want to marry, who I want to have a family with.

I found out last night that my soulmate and his girlfriend got engaged two weeks ago. It feels like someone died, my heart hurts so bad I wonder if can get past this.

I just don't understand why God would keep forcing the memories back into my life for it to end like this. I've tried everything. Deleting him from every social media outlet there is, trying to hate him, moving on with someone else, seeing a therapist. Nothing has worked and now I have to watch him marry and have a life with someone else. I dream about him constantly, there are signs everywhere. I somehow always thought that he would come back to me again. Everything about us fit, our connection, our interests, our personalities. I can clearly envision a life with him that will now never happen and I feel lost.

I don't know how to move past this but I have to. Being in this city where it all started is hard too, maybe it's time to leave. I just somehow know that I'll never love someone like that again and I don't know how to deal with it. Please pray for me to find peace and move on.

I know exactly how you feel, the love of my life, the only man I've ever loved just married someone else a month ago. Its awful I just keep thinking its not supost to be this way. The man I'm met to marry isn't supost to just marry someone else. But what am I going to do, the days are okay I can keep myself busy its the nights that are hard, the dreams of when he and I were together and in love. its crazy to think that we went from being in love to him being married to someone else in just a short six months.

It will be October soon. He will be married to his fiance. I can only cry and look the other way. My friends tell me to move on...but its easier said than done. How can you stop loving someone when your heart can\'t stop loving that person?

same situation dear....exactly same..:(

At this moment right now I'm in love with a man I believe to be my soulmate. When I'm sad he can sense me. It amazes me how we connect on every level. The moment he told me he loves me, my heart melted and there I was weak and full of passion. I love him so much, more than I thought I can ever love anyone. Unfortunately this man is engaged and he is getting married in Oct. I understand that he is doing what is right. His relationship with her is not great but he loves his daughter. I'm not gonna stand in his way, I rather suffer alone. The only thing I can do is walk away and love him from a distance. I have to come to terms that we are not meant to be and I am happy to have met him even if I was late.

Damned this cold life!
All is lost and there is no more time!

I know what you are going through my friend. I was with my high school sweetheart for over 6 years and we separated during college. At the time, the break up seemed like the right thing to do. We both needed to grow on our own and find out what we wanted in life. About a year or so later I find out she is with someone else. That was hard for me especially being in no position to meet someone new myself. After having the oppurtunity to meet new women, I am realizing that she was always the type of girl I want to be with. On top of that, we had a connection that I can't see having with anyone else. Its been a couple years now. I've been trying to focus on myself and I've been limiting my contact with her for she is with someone else, but now I see that she is happy with that new person. He may even be a better man than me, but now I've reached a new level of sadness. My only advice and tool I use myself is to imagine all the problems and disagreements that could arise in a new relationship together. Maybe she has changed in ways that would not interest you. Ultimately, maybe realizing that she has found something better than what you had with her will end that chapter of your life. Sadly, I know what you mean when you say that life has lost meaning though.

Eso es todo. A lo lejos alguien canta. A lo lejos.
Mi alma no se contenta con haberla perdido.

That’s all. In the distance, someone sings. In the distance.

My soul is not at peace with having lost her.

—Pablo Neruda, Veinte poemas de amor: 20,
The Essential Neruda: Selected Poems

At least we are in good company. Mine was the light of my life, and now is a shadow that haunts me dreams. Visas and youth us apart, and the rest is a story you know too well. People come and go so I'm going to try and focus on loves like art and music which are less easily ******** from us. Not everyone experiences a great love so maybe we should consider ourselves lucky.

I have loved two girls in my life. Thank god I was capable of that or the first girl would have been my end as she was my everything and had I lost that without another meaning to life i do doubt I would have continued on. Yet now I have grown older and my first love is with another and my second seems depressed and broken yet I still cannot manage to get the guts or really commit to finding either of them out and just saying I want you, I need you and your mine. I know down the road I will regret this complacency and it will destroy me yet I cannot manage to motivate myself to change this. Both are or have been with friends I know (honestly I couldn't care less) but something is blocking me from pursuing it. I would love help or advise mostly counseling.

Hi, I know this was posted years ago, but I just had to write something. The love of my life is getting married to someone else tomorrow. I'm so upset... We have not been together for 8 years!!!! But there isn't one day that I haven't thought about her. I guess the fact we have kept in contact via Facebook really hasn't helped. We did briefly have a night together, but I ****** it because I was seeing someone else at the time. I know this makes me sound like a horrible person, I'm not. I'm a stupid ******* idiot, that's what I am. If anyone is reading this, now or 10 years down the line experiencing the same heartache, remember you're not alone in what you're feeling.... I don't know how to get past this, it's all too final, I should of tried something sooner, but that's me all over, weak. Now I have paid the ultimate price, lost the one I love so much I feel my eyes welling up just thinking about her and I have no one to blame but me. I just needed to vent somewhere where no one knows me, I hope you can understand that, it does feel a bit better doing so :)

When I was 16 I met this amazing girl who was also my age. The time we spent together went by fast. After a year, her family had to move to another country, this was very stupid of me, but I didn't have the guts to say goodbye to her. I don't know why, it didn't hit me immediately the fact that she was gone, a couple of years later I finally understood, she wasn't coming back. I've had many chances with many other girls, yet my heart never seems interested. It's been 13 years, and this feeling has not waned. She got married 4 years ago and gave birth to their firstborn 2 weeks ago. I'm happy cuz I know she's happy, but at the same time it kills me a little each day that passes, knowing that could've been me. Life took away my princess and never gave her back. I don't know if there was anything I could've done different. 13 years, and the memories we made together are still the best of my life, though I'm afraid all those "what if" will haunt me until my last breath.

I believe I will be where you are some time in the future and have to ask myself the same questions. I also seem to lack the follow through or what you wish to call it to risk everything just to try and change it.

If you love them and they're your soulmate, they feel the same about you then fight. Fight for the woman you love. If you don't try your hardest you will spend the rest of your life wondering. 'What if' will drive you crazy. I lost my first love because I was afraid to speak up and tell him how I felt. We both likes each other fiercely but I was 15 and he was 19, thus every one we knew tried to keep us apart. We had a pure connection but nobody cared they saw that I was too young. I have always had an old soul so we connected immediately. He was afraid of my family, and we both were afraid of rocking the boat. There are so many things left unsaid between us. Lack of communication between he and I, fear from others and older girls willing to put out aren't as scary as what he was facing with me, I didn't blame him though. Couple years late, He dated others andwound up moving, he moves back just after I was seeing someone. He wanted to see me as friends so we met, but everything came back to us and I felt 15 again. I finally had enough courage to tell him how in love with I was years ago and still was, also I was beginning a relationship. We said good-bye as friends only. Saw him a few more times, then I heard he was engaged but that he had broken it off, and spoke of me. I regret not being with him, the man I was in less than 1 year relationship with was a miserable one, we found all the time and he mistreated me. Something always kept us apart. He told me how he regretted how he handled our "relationship" years ago, that's when I told him how head over heels I was for him. But I foolishly let him go because I didn't want to hurt the man I was trying to start one with. I didn't know till it was trot late that my first love spoke of me foundly and often, he wanted me back...I found out after he died. His death was a great shock to me, the what could have been is still killing me 3 months later. I'm angry at those who kept us apart. And angry at myself for wasting my life for nearly a year on a man who toward the end pushed me, shoved me and cursed at me. I wasted that time when I should've fought for my love. We were both to scared to speak up to the other. Scared of what people would think or say then we let time slip past us further and further away he got. Then in one moment he was gone, a car crash... my worsy fear came true im living my nightmare. He never wore a seatbelt, he went through the windshield, it was horrific. Now he haunts me, my dreams, my thoughts. So I say fight fight for your love fight for who you want. Torture and misery and many what ifs will haunt you all of your days if you don't. I wish you well. I sincerely hope that everyone deserving of love can find their mate and be happy.

Reading your story made my heart sink a little deeper than I had expected when reading such stories. Lets say I have been the idiot in a car crash twice because I couldn't keep my mind off the girls I love. I am not sure (well doubt always wells and I just don't know anymore) if the girl would love me and wane over me. My gut tells me if the same thing would happen to me she would be in your position and yet I am locked down too afraid to change it. We've both shared and are very close but somehow she has always seemed distant. I just have no clue. Sometimes your so lost in for thoughts and destroyed emotionally remembering that you want to be in a car wreck just to see if she cares and loves you since she has never shown it. Is it possible that I'm living a fantasy or that she is very quiet and held back and wouldn't say it. I would much love readers advice.

I know how you feel, sadly this happens alot. I lost my soulmate. We were in love so deeply two years ago, he lived 20 miles away and we had no way of seeing each other, but we kept in touch the best we could. Talked for hours, both admitted neither has been happier. There were months we couldn't speak for one reason or another, it seemed fate and life always kept us apart. He asked me to marry him and I told him yes, he had names picked out for our future children. Then we had a fight and 6 months later I find out hes married. He never called, wrote, nothing. I find out from his mother that hes married, and he doesn't even care me anymore. The month prior to this, my first love died, I met him when I was 14 I thought I was over him, then I heard how horrificly he died. No one called me, I had to read about it on facbook. I knew him for nearly 10 years and hes gone. You never wver truly get over your true love. In two months i lost my first love and my soulmate. My heart is beyond crushed and I feel like I'm dying inside everyday. I'm alone in this too, my best friend is glad my soulmate isn't with me. And no one cares enough to try to comfort me about the loss of the life of my first love. I'm in pain everyday, alone in agony.

At the risk of seeming dumb and oblivious, but is your best friend that you mentioned maybe a boy and possibly he feels for you like you felt for others. I am so sorry if this is inappropriate it was never intended to be so. The only part of your pain I can relate to is being in pain and agony alone daily without your true love.

Unrequited love happens, I know that I have fallen for a few people that things simply didn't work out. While I understand that love lost is not uncommon, there truly is one person that has left a deep mark on me. The crazy thing is that I never dated this man. It would be hard to label us as friends now, though we have many mutual friends.

We went to High School together, met through the drama department. He was classically charismatic, funny and smart. In the beginning we would only knock into each other in settings with friends around. Eventually we developed a strange relationship which rotated around drinking & having crazy nights of passion, though there was no sex- (unlike anything I have experienced since). To kiss him was to see into his soul. We did end up spending some nights alone, talking until the sun came up... then I went to college.

We kept in touch. He came and visited with friends and everything. Eventually (a few years later) I ended up moving to a town 40 minutes away from our hometown (much closer than my college). I saw him seldom at this point, things weren't happening between he and I... so I started dating another boy. When he found out he seemed to be very jealous. He bought me things (he'd never done that before) and tried to be around more (drove out to my place for random reasons). Though I had strong feelings for the boy I was dating I broke up with him because I felt that my 'soul mate' finally wanted to make his move and I was not being fair if I had feelings for two people.

He did make a move- he came to my apartment and we had one last night of pure passion. Just making out. Just talking about things... it was magic. When the sun came up the next day I could tell something was wrong. Two days later I went to a social gathering with mutual friends and there he was, holding hands with this other girl (a friend of both of ours). As we had never made any commitment to each other I had no reason to "be upset." I was though. It didn't matter that I lived far away... or that we didn't see each other enough... I felt like something was about to happen and now this?! My heart broke.

Long story short, the girl he was holding hands with became his fiancé a few years later. I still know him. It has been six years. I have been dating my boyfriend for five years. I am actually good friends with his fiancé. She is a nice girl, I like her. I don't want to and have no intention of ever trying to come between them, they are good people. I'm a good person... I have mostly pushed any feelings I have for this guy out of my mind. Still there are times where he will 'pet my hair' playfully when he walks by or he will say things that are mysterious. Example: at his engagement party I congratulated him and went in for a hug. While hugging he whispered into my ear "more than you'll ever know." -it's things like this when I swear I can feel a string tugging at my heart. Making my contact sends my heart racing. The butterflies. It hasn't gone away, it's just weird now. I can't really hold a conversation with him anymore. I can't talk to him without feeling like I'm going to flirt... or feel for him. I can't take that kind of torture and I find it very disrespectful to flirt with another woman's man, I will never be the other woman. The impossibility that we could ever be together has sunk in. It's a very strange situation.

It's not that I always want to be with this guy. I love my boyfriend, so much. It's when I see him. This guy left a mark on me. Call it the first cut being the deepest. Call it soul mates gone wrong. Whatever. It has been a real trial in my life.

*here is the kicker.* His fiancé has asked me to be in their wedding. The awkward heart ache continues... feeling fortunate that my boyfriend is such a wonderful man. I wouldn't trade him for the world, but I think it may be possible that I love them both. Or maybe the engaged man just seems interesting because it was unrequited? Whatever the case, life goes on. If there is an afterlife and we are some sort of soul mates then I will see him when I die. *I told him that, when we were drunk once.*

I think I can relate. I have acted similar although reverse in that I showed a girl I loved much attention and when she didn't respond but responded to anothers I withdrew. Nonetheless just how you describe him seems in essence similar to myself. I would say he wanted you more than anything but never had the guts to make it happen. If you still do it might be worth just seeing if he does to. There wouldn't be anything to lose the way you describe it and boys are terribly scared of putting all their feelings on the line.

To some of you who are scared to follow your heart :) As I read your stories , I felt all the broken hearts here and wanted to share this message to you in hope to bring peace in your souls . Let me be clear about something , what you felt being an " amazing , mind blowing , non sense , magical " connection is simply the result of a soul recognizing another soul . Are / Were you scared then ?

Let me be clear , a life without your soul connection is going to be a long , painful , lonely one .
Such connection goes way beyond the logic of the mind and trigger every belief system integrated in your brain . So here start the journey , a journey where the heart challenges the mind and all you ever though you knew ...It will even go further , it will open up all your deepest , darkest secrets and push you to some extreme edges until you deal once and for good with all that has holding you back . A Soul connection is a soul experience and not just a romantic " society based relationship " . Now , don't get me wrong , it is one of the rarest gift the universe has given to us and certainly can be the most magical relationship ever .

You might love and be attached to your comfort life , care deeply about the well being of your children but have you ever though about what you are teaching to your children by staying in a relationship based on " society obligations " ?
Do you really know what LOVE is ? And don' t you think you would want to pass this open , true vision of love to your children instead of seeing them later on repeating the same mistakes , suffering and attaching only fears to LOVE ?

Do you still believe you are simply a body with a soul hidden deep inside who is just here to appear occasionally in your dreams ? Be HONEST , be vulnerable , be authentic
It takes tremendous amount of strength , courage and true Love to start living life from the soul . Your soul is not concerned about your financial situation , your mortgage and all the worries the human brain creates daily or shall i say ego .

How many of you have spent days , weeks and months in regrets ?
If Life has taught my old soul something extremely valuable is that no matter who you married , how far is your soul connection , how many children you have and debts over your head , there is nothing that can break this connection .

Don't you feel that if you were simply following your heart and soul , allowing the universe to guide you and have pure faith that life will not automatically unfold in front of your eyes ??? All is energy and when one energy flows , the next one follow and the next one follow ..its a matter of balance , not positive , not negative . Once you can accept all aspects of life equally , the pieces of your life puzzle will fit one with another .

I have no mention my own life experience but if it brings a smile to a few of you , I will say that when my heart believed in loving someone so deeply rejection , no other partner situation or distance could make me stop having this faith inside .
Along my journey , i had several soul connections and it was extremely challenging . However even if I did not end up married with any , I received the most precious gift ever . A reconnection with my soul connection !!!! a moment where 2 hearts meet and truly open to one another ( even happened with one person 10 years later ) .
Could we get another trial and be in relationship ? YES 100% Did we need to be in a relationship again now that our souls have found peace ? Not a must at all .

I can only say that the joy of reconnecting is one special moment . My soul only knew that more was waiting for me , so i kept listening to my soul and met another soul connection .
This one was beyond all I could ever think possible on Earth , not even any movie ( including city of angels or serendipity ) could come close to the scenario the universe has written for our souls .
It will take me ages to write the all adventure , one with one episode more magical than the other .

All I will say is his soul recognized mine immediately . For months and months our souls smiled to each other . When I first saw him from distance , something came to me and I heard : " this is it , this is my husband " . When we finally met in physical , the energy between us was almost unbearable . The moment he touched my hand , it felt as if thousand of memories of love came back to me . Doubts , fears and time did not exist . it was love at first sight , our souls just knew and we both said to each other " i feel like i know you forever " .
Next thing you know is that he was extremely happy to have met me and expressed it to me openly ...then for no reasons at all , he was gone . He erased me from all networks , did not respond to my emails and i felt like I was dying but faith never left me ....

We both had great career especially him . We reconnected so briefly , he could not even face me and justify his actions so this time he run away in front of my eyes .
More happened !!! He tried to pull me back but was extremely scared and then met someone else . Did he forgot about me ? No . I could prove it ( so you know that this is not my own thinking or wish , true tangible facts )

Since he got involved with this other girl , he lost his shine , became extremely arrogant
and started to only act with his head . It almost seem like his soul was gone .

No matter how the universe kept pushing us back together in the most " impossible scenario " ( to the point of being almost unreal ) . He rejected me heavily this time .
I nearly survived this time around . The universe was so not playing and when Destiny decide on something , trust me it could scare a " Rambo " boy lolll

Of course his lovely head took over and he end up getting married and having a kid . I end up alone the past 3 years since we met and that last episode completely broke my heart in pieces . You wonder how I found out he got married ? Well his soul came to tell me the day of his wedding ( we live in 2 different continents by the way ) ..I though first I was again losing my mind as i felt extreme sadness from his soul but few days later I found out that the day I felt this was really the day he got married . Same kind of story with the kid .

I lost most of my interest in my career and in life ..Now I m taking life slowly and I m doing all to heal myself .
Do i think this is over ? NO . Do I smile ? YES . What am i going to go ? Listen , have faith

Love x

im in the same situation. The love of my life recently got engaged and i felt like my heart shattered. people say times a healer believe me its not its been 6 years since i saw him. we had a song savage garden i knew i loved you the lyrics are beautiful. Sometimes that one love holds ur heart forever but u wont rest untill ur certain u done everything u can to reach out to her. true love comes once in a lifetime and u dont live forever so you have to make ur life the best u can and if it means putting ur heart on the line then so be it. What u got to lose? i hope everything turns out for u i really do. X

Thank you so much and I truly wish the same for you . As hard as it might look from the outside , the separation and challenges are in fact a blessing from the universe. It secretly tells us , please clean up this mess so both of your souls can shine in eternity . He run away , married someone else who strangely enough has so much in common wth me on the outside ..she is the reflection of his shadow , a young soul who has only interest for fame and fortune . However , we both needed this time apart to deal with our own pain . I know for a fact that he only married her after finding out she was pregnant . Now this extremely young woman might not be good news at all in the future and from what I feel might have ad several adventures behind his back . So whatever it is , this was brought to hs life to deal once and for good with the ego . The only thing we can be sure of in this lifetime is that the universe did nit bring you that far to let you down :)

The first time I walked in the classroom, I could feel him staring at me. I knew he liked me. I didn't at the time though. He would try to talk to me, but I was just not interested. I sound shallow, but at that time I did not find him physically appealing. As the semester continued, I found myself liking him more and more. He was kind, charismatic, intelligent, an athlete, people in the classroom appreciated him. And I was slowly falling for him. After the semester ended, I would think about him, and occasionally run into him on campus, my heart would skip a beat. Several years later I would still think about him, it seems that I felt that no other guy was like him. It has been about 6 years now and just recently found that he got engaged. I cried. didn't expect to react this way , I felt that my heart was breaking, I felt that it was a mistake, that he was only reserved for me.

I know that back after that semester, he still had an attraction towards me. I would find him staring at me on occasion on campus, but would not approach me. I felt that he got nervous talking to me (during the semester) although he was an outgoing person.

I do wish him the best, but I also wish I could tell him what I felt for him those years, and even now. I want closure. I feel that if he knows how I feel I will finally be relieved from this pain, even though I know I won't be with him. I do not want to ruin what he has now.

Life is such a journey.. It brings two people together in no time and we get separated in seconds. I loved my gal. I just loved with no expectations. Again back in my town religion is a big problem. Even today caste prevails and I being from this generation I could not do anything on that. I hate people with religion discriminations and my gal will not hurt their family.

A day will come, I will see her hold someone's hand which I always wished would be mine. Life has come to a standstill. Everything around seems slow. The pain I have gone through is such that I will never indulge in something called as "RELATIONSHIP" and it is better to stay single and love her from wherever I am. It hurts.

I experienced the same thing. When she married some else, my heart was bursting, I dare not sleep because I will think of her.
I tried not to talk to her but my heart miss her.
I have no control over my emotion but I knew I need to take serious control of myself.
Things that I do is to maintain a friend relationship by sending her best wishes messages, talk to my close friend about it, try to find some ugly thing in her appearance like big nose, big buttock etc.
Compare her with other beauty.
Another effective way I found is to go out with on a causal date with an attractive girl.
All this help me to recover.
I hope it will help you too, my friend.

It is said that before each of us was created, we were one big soul. Forty days before our conception, G‑d took our "big soul" in His hands and he split it into two pieces. I strongly believe that one of our purpose in life is finding the other half...

I had kind of the same experience than you... I fell in love when I was 18 to what I still believe after 12 years is my soul mate! She is now married but my love is so strong that I'm actually happy she is... she deserve happiness even if it's not with me! What make me sad is that we don't talk... why you ask!?! well it would be too long to explain but let say I was a selfish little boy and I acted like a foul.... I guess I was young and stupid but it's not an excuse! I tried many times to apologies but she didn't want to hear it... I haven't seen her in 12 years but I'm sure she would see me she would break down in tears! Truth be told it was a unique, electrical and timeless LOVE. Never felt the same with/for anyone else not even close to it! I'm confident she doesn't love him as much as she loved me. I can hear a little voice inside me that say it's your soul mate not his... I just need to see her once to know it for sure and if she doesn't break down in tears... Well there is still hope in finding my other half somewhere else!?!

I can see a lot of people in the same state that I am in right now.. But still going through all ur stories... I'll say you have all had good reasons to be seperate... What kills me is that I could have had her if I was vocal about it... There were misunderstandings and communication gaps between my parents and me.. me and her... And all it has created is a void, that I don't believe can ever be filled. She's getting married to someone else... Her parents chose him for her... She ain't happy, I am not happy, neither the paarents after seeing our long faces... But she's already engaged, and now the families say that nuthng shall/can be done... Last 7 years with her were the best of my life ever... But now everything seems to be flowing out of my hands .. And all destiny (rather my mistakes) have led to is for me to watch this all silently... And to be not able to change this... The pain is too much to handle... I don't know what to do... I don't know what she shall do... Just I hope we have enough strength to go through this...

I'm 33 years old and I've been married for 10 years, most of which I've been unhappy and completely miserable. We started dating in high school and we've been together every since. Earlier this year I met a man who turned out to be everything I wanted, needed and had been missing in my life. He's been very supportive of me and constantly pushing to make me a better person. I enjoy being with him and he enjoys being with me. We both fell on love and didn't see it coming. The only problem is...I'm married but currently separated from my husband. Because I haven't moved forward with my divorce, due to financial reasons, he's now engaged and this is killing me. The man that I've fallen on love with is now engaged to be married and I'm trying to get divorced. I don't know what to do. I've told him that I don't want him to get married. My heart can't take this much longer. I've cried every day since I found out. I can't let him do this. God knows that I truly love this man and I'm going to fight for him.

i have just lost the love of my life after waiting 30years to get together. when he married someone else 21years ago i was devastated that i rang him up to wish him all the bests but my heart was broken. one year later 1989 i got married and five months after i got married he rang me to say he made a mistake, he only loved me. so we both made a mistake but we carried on with our marriages. three years later he divorced and came looking for me, i too had temporary seperated and i went back to my husband. two chances now lost. over the next 7 years we kept in touch, always loved each other always told each other but never crossed the line ever. then he asked me after 7years to again leave my husband, although i adored him i had a life and children in school so i said no even though i just wanted to run to him. then he married quickly someone else. i had to go through the pain again of watching him marry someone else. now 2011 my marriage of now 22year was failing, his marriage of 7 years was failing and he again contacted me, saying he cannot move on without me, so i decided that finally after 30years of waiting the time was right. we met had coffee and decided to tell our failing marriages that it was over. his wife moved out but because of a business and financial circumstances and my children still at home i could not leave the marital home but continued our relationship travelling to wales every few days, but unfortunately still sharing the home with y husband. we absolutely fell in love, but after 19months of an intolerable situation of closing a business, selling my home the pressure got to much for him, i understand but i couldnt walk away from my children and move them to wales in the middle of their a levels. he lived alone as his children left school. the his ex wife started to ring me and abuse me and the whole situation has took its effect on us. as of now i called it off, as his pressure for me to move to wales was to much on me and my children and the abuse from his ex wife who still leaves in wales has made me so worried. so i have walked away devestated. he is too but there was alot of things he could have done to protect me from his ex wife and he didnt. my husband conducted the whole situation with dignity even meeting my lover, because i showed my husband respect for the 22years we were together, he believed i still loved him. i never did i loved my first love from age of 16 and i am now 45. i will never love anyone like him, we have not spoke now for 4 weeks it is for the best. today my business closed down and my daughter moved to university and my house sale is pending. to give up everything for nothing is heartbreaking, but he just couldnt wait any longer. to me if you wait 30years you can wait a few more week. so ihe is alone in his house, dont know if his ex wife is there, she said and did some awful things even though there marriage had failed not because of me they were in seperate rooms for two years before he contacted me. i think we had our chance and after all we went through over the years and how we were so faithfull until we were both honest to our failing marriages that it should not have failed but it has. i love him i will never stop, my heart breaks and my husband who i am nearly divorced from is devasted as he has to watch me cry over someone i love if only i could have loved him like that he said.

I'm in sort of a similar situation myself; only all this stemmed from an experience dating back in 2006. It wasn't until recently I found out she got married and has a baby now. As I look back then, I was simply young and naive and I thought I was in a decent world at the time. So I moved on, met a different girl until she broke up with me to be with another guy 2 weeks later. Sometimes, even with the best of intentions and all the right moves - you can only do what you can do. In the end, all you can do is your best and walk away. You can only do what you can do.. Because the unfortunate reality is all roads to hell are paved with best of intentions. But, you can choose how to deal with what's down this road. The whole point of life is to endure, to learn to deal with unimaginable emotions, to endure pain. That is the point of being human. Men are destined for bitterness in one way or another, upon realizing this, I made myself become stronger for it because I can channel all the physical pain inside because it cannot compare to the emotional scar that's there. It's a curse, but it's a valuable asset because you become stronger for it - because the truth is not always good enough, some people deserve more. So ask yourself, is your past worth more than the chance to brush off this unimaginable experience to begin anew? Live with regret for the rest of your life or.. live with new fresh start and worth deserving?

I'm in a similar situation. But in the opposite position. I'm 17 and got married about a month ago. Two years ago I loved a guy with everything I had in me. And he just went away then I met and married my husband. It's been a month into our married and the one I used to love came around again and I found that he loves me too. And to be honest I live him back. More than n e thing in the world. Idk how to handle this. I have tried to forget with everything in me. To just block out the whole world but I still feel pain and want for my first love. It hurts so bad sometimes. I just can't imagine what I'm supposed to do. Please help !!

After losing the love of my life to another at 22, I married a wonderful man when I was 25. I gave up on finding anyone else who could possibly be my soulmate and settled because I didn't want to be alone. Now, after 45 years of marriage to the wrong man and after finding my soulmate (whom I first met at 16), all I can advise you is never give up and don't settle.

Your story gives me hope. Nine years ago I was in the Military and stationed overseas when I met the most amazing guy ever! Hands down the most likeable person I have ever met, everyone loved him. I was also completely attracted to him but had horrible self esteem and new their was no way he felt the same. We became inseperable, we use to spend hours together doing nothing just hanging out. Our connection was amazing. A litle over a year after we met it was time for him to PCS. A few nights before he left I got stranded at his building and had no where to stay but his room. I was so nervous, this person i spent countless hours with and could talk to about anything had me so freaked out laying in his tiny twin bed in a completely platonic way that he asked me " do you breathe" I laughed and pretty soon the laughter turned to tears and I confessed all of my real feelings. He responded with what I thought could never happen he was completely in lovewith me. We kissed and laid in bed together all night but it never went further than that. We parted ways promising that one day we would end up in the same place at the same time and we would be together and we would keep in touch and maintain our friendship in the meantime. Then I got pregnant, by someone else. He wasn't angry just sad but very understanding it was not a deal breaker. We stayed in touch over the next few years, talking non stop for months then not at all for five or six months. He was accross the country from me, and we never could get it together enough to see each other. Then he dropped off the face of the earth. I didn't hear from him for over a year and started dating my childhood crush in the meantime. After about eight months my boyfriend and I got married. It wasnt the amazing connection I had with my lost love/best friend but how many people travel around the world and end up reconnecting with their childhood crush? It had to mean something and my daughter 3 at the time adored him. Life was good. Two years of marriage and another little girl later I get a random email from him. My heart immediately went to my throat. I got tears in my eyes and knew without a doubt that I had made a HUGE mistake. My marriage was decent my girls amazing but nothing compared to the connection between my lost love and I. For a long time we would email every few days and have casual conversation then one day out of the blue I got a message that was far more than casual telling me that he had made a mistake and that basically he regretted never making it happen between us.
Over the years we have joked about how our relationship was like a bad movie or a Nicholas Sparks novel and written pretend endings to it but it is now a complete mess!!!! My husband loves me, I love my family, I have a good life, but their is something missing that only he can give me. Eight years later I still get butterflies at the thought of him, every word, a funny memory of him puts a smile on my face instantly. If I get an email from him and my mom is in the room she will ask how he is doing because he can literally light up my face. We constantly talk about how amazing it would be to see each other and have even toyed with the idea of meeting up in a strange city one week every year and just being us until we can be together forever. But I will never go through with it. I am not willing to sacrifice my childrens happiness for my own so I am stuck for now. I try not to speak to him too frequently because not only is it torturesome but it is completely unfair to my always loyal husband but I will always hope that one day we can be together. I am even okay with it being at 90 in a nursing home. I firmly believe that my life will not be complete until he and I at least have a chance at a life together.

:(<br />
similar case with me, but she never betrayed or ditched me, that was her family they forced her to marry another guy, and now she is also not comfortable with him and i am totally lost. I know i will never get a partner like her, she is my soulmate but not with me. I wanted to suicide but failed. I really dont know how i will live without her. :(

oh its so sad really, my first love i met when i was 14 and we stayed together for 4 years were engaged and sadly lost a baby together (miscarrage) his father broke us up as said we were to serious to young, and yes maybe he had a point but oh how i hate when people interfere in other peoples relationships, anyway two years later i met a man whom i have spent 14 years with 13 of them engaged and we have 3 wonderful kids together, we never married and i never truly gave him my heart as i have always and will always be in love with my first love. you see i gave him my heart all those years ago and i never really got it back :O), i am now single after ending my relationship which had turned abusive and was just not right and my first love is planning his wedding to someone else, yes it hurts as we keep bumping into each other and only live down the road from each other and in the past have had affairs on our partners so we could be together, stolen kisses and more secret texts,i would not change having spent 14 years with my ex partner as we created 3 amazing kids that i adore with all my heart, nut i will always truly belong in my heart to my first love. i just wish he would not marry her he told me he still loved me a few weeks before i ended my relationship, and now im wondering should i tell him im free,who knows what will be will be.

I am a married woman with a kid. I got married really young and mine was an arranged marriage. I assumed I would fall in love eventually but that never happened. My husband is not a bad man but we are just incompatible.I have been married for 10 years and over the years I have learned to live in a loveless and sexless marriage. But then I met somone whom I fell in love with. He wanted to marry me but there were too many cpmications. H ee was from a different religion, I wasnt divorced etc. Ultimately I applied for divorce but mby that time he did an arranged marriage with somone else without my knowledge. He kept it as a secret to not hurt me. Now he is married and settled but I am totally unhappy.

mine too. i promised myself that i would only love her forever. And sadly, I still do. She's getting married soon. I hope the movie "Love in time of Cholera" works in real life.

me too<br />
just found out my first love is expecting a baby with his wife. Its been years, I had since married and divorced sadly, but I'll always hold a torch for him. I could never describe the chemistry I felt, it was magnetic. I'm both happy for him and devestated that I'm not the one living that life with him. But I suppose I'm old enough to know how trials work and I accepted a long time ago that I'll most likely never meet someone with that kind of chemistry ever again, but it hasn't stopped me from loving completely. There are just different kinds of love I have learned. Family love, friendship love, love that is magnetic, slow- to-grow and deep love, and while the passion one was my doesn't mean you can't love again, just differently perhaps.

It is nice to know that I am not alone. Although tragic and sad, it is also comforting knowing that others feel the same way I do. When it is time for me to leave this earth and the final pages of my story are written, I only hope I will understand why she went away. I left it all on the line, but the thoughts still linger as to what I could have said or done different. It is odd how the heart becomes quiet in it's despair, but the head wants to re-play the moments over and over again. It is a cruel game the brain plays on a hollow heart. As some one mentioned above, releasing the past will set you free. Easier said than done. Good luck everyone.

I've got one of these stories. The guy that I saw myself being with got married a year ago. The thing about me and him is that the timing was always wrong. I met him when I was 19 and he was 22. I remember when I first saw him, he had this smile that just made me melt like butter. He hooked me for life in the first 10 seconds with that smile.<br />
But anyway, the truth is that at that point, we were both immature in different aspects so neither of us were doing the right things to make a relationship work. But over the past 10 years, life lead us down different paths. It crossed on occassion, but as I said, the timing was always wrong- one of us was always in a serious relationship. We still have this incredible connection, and looking back we've have these moments that were just perfect. Maybe it's a good thing for me and him, having these untarnished memories.


My ex and the only man I have ever truly loved is getting married tomorrow. We've been broken up for a year and a half. We broke up b/c I was insecure and needed to work on myself. We stayed in touch, but he was afraid to be with me b/c I had pushed him away so much before. Last Dec 2010 he said he wanted to try again but he needed to know if i had dated or hooked up since we'd been apart. I admitted to hanging out with an ex b/c he was in pain from the loss of his gf and I was in pain from the loss of my bf. My ex flipped and told me he could never forgive me. He went out and met someone and got engaged right away. They have only been together for about 9 months and they are getting married tomorrow. A month before he met her he had wanted us again. This is killing me. I am still so in love with him and I've cried almost every day for the past year and a half. In May I found out about his fiance accidentally. I came across their registry when I was looking for a co-workers registry. I was in shock. Two days before he had told me he was single. I confronted him. He said she is his "One" and he is happy and would never hurt her or do anything to jeopardize their relationship. Yet, he wouldn't even tell me about her. If he loves her so much, then why wouldn't he have told me about her. We haven't talked since June. I sent him an email two days ago and just said I was sorry for everything and Good Luck, even though I'm breaking inside. He didn't even respond. I just feel empty without him. Tomorrow will be the worst day of my life and I don't know how to get through it.

Well, after reading all these posts it's good to see I am not alone. I was with my ex for 2 years and was head over heels in love with him. We got along really well, talked about getting married, kids, where we would live etc. I thought my life was right on plan when one day he freaked on me and said he didn't think he would be where he is at 27 and needed to go back for his masters, and pay of loans, and get a new car, and hated commuting to work everyday, and didn't know if he ever wanted to get married or have kids anymore. If you had told me this was going to happen to be the day it did I never would've believed it in a million years. We had so much fun together and I was crushed. I told him I wanted him to be honest with me no matter how much it hurt so I could deal with it. My family was shocked, his family was shocked, and he said let's take a break which means break up but he didn't have the courage to do it. I waited a month and then decided I needed to have more pride in myself than wait around for him. After I broke up with him he got a DUI and was like a completely different person. Then he started to come around again and I thought ok he realized how badly he messed things up and wants to get back together, but he pushed me away again. We never spoke again after this.<br />
<br />
I was living in total hell for quite some time. I couldn't eat, I couldn't sleep, and I could do was cry myself to sleep. One day ( after over 2 years of this )my mother said, "Do you think he's sitting at home feeling sorry for himself" No he's out living his life and you should do the same." I finally decided to start dating again and was feeling a little better about things when a few months after this I notice on myspace (through a mutual friends facebook) that he was getting married! I found out on the day of the wedding. Not that he had a gf, not that he was engaged, no getting married. I went backwards all over again. Here I was alone and he was making the same promises to someone else he once made to me less than 3 years earlier. I died a little more inside that day. Then to top if off, a few months later a mutual friend of ours gets a job at the same place I work. No matter how much I tried to move past it, it would continually come back into my face. Then I find out he starts asking her about me and if I'm happy, and if I know about him getting married ;all this when he was a newlywed. <br />
<br />
Fast forward to a couple of years later, I have dated other people but have never truly forgotten or gotten over him. No one compares to me and I have never felt with anyone the way I felt with him. I never knew I could love another person so much. Now he recently had a child with his wife (which killed me a little more) and I found out the name that he picked was a name he told me years earlier he wanted to name our child!<br />
<br />
It really kills me that after all this time he's married with a family and I'm alone. He has everything we talked about with someone else. Not a day has gone by in these 6 or 7 years that I have not thought about him everyday. I don't think about him as much as I use to, but no matter what I've tried to get over it, the feelings never completely go away. I've tried counseling, anti depression anxiety meds, prayer, new hobbies, keeping busy, relaxation techniques, dating others, and nothing works. He will never truly understand the damage he has caused and the pain I have suffered. I never understood how he moved on and made the promises he made to me to the person right after me. <br />
In time things have gotten easier, but I have never truly gotten over it. I don't know why I love someone that decided to spend the rest of their life with someone else. I just wish I would forget him once and for all. He has no clue the amount of pain he caused me and how much I have suffered over the years even though I have tried to move on with my life. I really hope that one day I have my happy ending.

**** I'm only 18 but 5yrs ago i fell inlove with a girl. She moved awhile ago and I've has several great relationships even one lasting 3 yrs. But everyday I swear this girl runs through my mind and I feel like she's my "white whale" of women, everything in her lfe right now seems perfect. She has a great boyfriend, lives in another state, and has a house and good job. Everything she has I can not even try to compete with. It's sad to be inlove with a girl you know you will never have, but is devastating knowing that you had them once before.

The love of my life just got married..i've never met anyone I could compare to her..and probably never will. The sad thing is..I could have been with her if I didn't continuously screw things up. I was abused when I was younger and had self-esteem and depression issues.<br />
<br />
She became my best friend and she loved me, but she had an ex-BF of 7 years she was on and off with. He wasn't the perfect match for her, but he was still a good guy and she loved him for certain qualities as well as for the memories she shared with him. I was a much later in addition in her life and haven't established nearly as much history as the other guy.<br />
<br />
I could tell she was conflicted between us both and I didn't want to see her unhappy, so I told her she could go back to him and sacrifice me...and she did. We remained friends, but my own self-esteem issues, unemployment and slow adaptation to society prevented her from seeing me as a suitable mate/future husband. I've been working on changing myself and becoming better for several years..but it's too late now.<br />
<br />
She was "the one" for me and my love for her still runs extremely deep down to my soul.

This is the only post I've read by someone who realized their own emotional issues screwed things up. It is such an awful feeling. It is one of such regret and feeling so stupid and lost, at least for me. I was with my best friend, my boyfriend, for 7 years and he always wanted to get married and have kids, but I was never ready. I loved him deeply and thanked God for putting him in my life. He was the best thing that's every happened to me and loved me "tremendously" he'd say. He helped me through many depressions and I did not realize how depressed I really was (from past abuse and traumatic experiences which contributed to my fear of marriage and kids). Finally he proposed, and I said yes, but I could not bring myself to be happy about planning the wedding. I was still in a depression and he felt so awful. The hardest decision ever was moving out and calling off the wedding. He was devastated. He said he would continue waiting for me, but I told him not to because I didn't know how long it would take for me to "fix" myself. I knew something was wrong with me and I needed to be independent and sort it out. He asked for another chance, and I said no, we need to separate. Two years later he proposed to another woman. Now, of course, I feel sorted out, worked on my fears, realized what was wrong with me, therapy, and ready to marry him and give him all the dreams he wanted. But it's too late. Even though we were together for so long and I was the love of his life, and I believed we would be back together again and that love would conquer all, he said he had to destroy his love for me. He will not hurt this girl and leave her. He will not take me back. And it is all my fault. I screwed it up. I could have married him. I was supposed to be the one he wakes up to everyday and plans his future with and grows old with. I thought our love would last forever. But I set him free. I prayed for him to heal and be happy. And surely that prayer was answered for him. Now I'm back to getting out of despair, realizing it's too late, I had my chance, and I gave him up. He is in everything I breathe, and I'm trying to figure out how to have hope in my own future now that he's pledged himself to this other woman forever. This is such a horrible position to be in. You want to be happy for them. But you are in so much pain.

Fear not my friend your love is not lost, you do want to love her but in reality your lord has given you an opportunity to ask forgiveness for your fornication. I am 20 and thought i lost the girl of my dreams only to find that in this temporary world will not let me have her, the world wants me to work for it instead of the hereafter which is eternal ,turn to your lord and fear your creator for all praise is due to him the creator of the universe and the worlds , Ask for repentance every second so you may enter heaven,where your hearts desire is fulfilled and leave this world behind you,search for truth and love all for nothing is YOURS it is your lords so turn unto him,the beneficent,the merciful and seek the truth my friend.

I am 38 too lonely, the love of my life married 5years ago..there is nothing like 'moving on' when it comes to true lasts and lasts and lasts.. it kills the heart when not reciprocated

Hi, <br />
It's a few years since you've written this post so I hope you are happy and settled in a relationship. <br />
I know how you feel! I'm 30 soon and recently the only two men I've ever had hope of settling with are both in serious relationships. One I loved from 19 and always thought we'd be together, his got girlf pregnant and being 30 himself decided to stay with her and do family thing! I am devastated! Then the other man also 30 I was with him and was perfect but because of other one I pushed him away! I know his perfect my soulmate... Just didn't realise it till too late. Now year later his getting married and very happy. I tried to get back but it will never happen! Everyday I cry over fact I'm alone and what lost. On top of it I changed careers in sept to try teaching so moved miles away to do a pgce but I dislike it. Not for me! So going back to pr next month if can. At 30 I'm single, jobless and have no money and sleeping on floor of mates! I'm miserable as I think I'm never going to be settled and meet anyone and everyday I want to die! I'm pretty and clever but I still never meet any men! Life is hard and I wish I could turn back time and not pushed the man away or given up my job in pr and come to 300 miles away to teach when happy before.

5 years ago, my ex-boyfriend told me that he was going to marry someone else. After this incident, I vowed that I will move on and will never look back. The reason why you are sad is because you have never moved on. It is by letting go of the past that you can experience opening doors to other possibilities.

You're so focused on her at the moment that's what. So you're gonna stay single all your life for her?

I am so sorry to hear this...I'm in the same situation exactly...but the only person I wanted to spend the rest of my life with had gotten married 2 years ago and has a daughter now, I've died a little inside, and couldn't bring myself to talk to him or anything, I can't cut ties with him completely because his sister is my childhood friend. I hate what happened, even though I am trying to accept that it 'wasn't meant to be' hurts so much and it's so difficult to forget and I've given up completely on finding anyone ever again. never will I find someone remotely comparable to him. I'm sorry I'm giving you a negative comment here but you are the only person on here whom I genuinely know how you feel right now, and I can only offer you a deep understanding at this time and a *hug* and will give you whatever is left from my strength to cope with this.<br />
:'(<br />
take care

no offense, but if she's met an 'amazing man' and is getting married, she's not your 'one'. I know it hurts right now and that's how you feel but the reality is, how can she be your so-called soulmate if she's marrying someone else? There is someone else out there for you, and, yes, maybe you won't feel that same "high" but that might be a good thing because a good relationship is not built on 'highs', it's built on eyes wide open and mutual commitment.

i'm so sorry for your experience and the pain you're feeling. i've been through the same myself and i have the feeling that i'll be single forever too. i don't know if it's the best way but i've decided to put it in god's hands. if i'm meant to be with someone, then i will. i haven't had much luck on my own so maybe a higher power can help me.

Be brave, there are many good ones out there. the only thing is the cupid has not come to you yet. I used to love someone for 8 years. Now when he gets married. I feel so lonely. Life is so stressful. I'm crying when I know that, finding a soul mate is so so so difficult.<br />
Just be optimistic. good luck.