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My First/only Love Is Marrying Someone Else :(

I'm so sad. I'm 35 and have only loved 1 girl. It was 5 years ago and I still love her, I've always loved her. We were so connected, she seemed to be my soulmate, we would talk for hours every night and it was always exciting. I always thought she just needed time and that we would end up together. Its been 5 years and I said hi to her a year ago, but she didn't keep in touch. I tried again just recently. This time she seems excited to hear from me but tells me she has plans to get married and that she's met an amazing man. I am totally devastated.  I should have been that man, he's leading MY life, he's going to be happy with MY girl. I don't know what to do, I'm frantic, I'm depressed, I'm angry, I'm totally lost. There are NO other girls like her, believe me, I've looked. I feel like I met such an amazing girl in her and our connection was so unbelievable that I will never fall in love again if I dont experience that level of connection again with someone else. I'm afraid this will never happen and I don't want to settle for just some girl that I don't feel strongly for.  My one hope for happiness is about to marry someone else.  My life doesn't seem to have any meaning any more. I don't know what to do. I'm sad all the time now, I dont know how to cope with this.

RomanticTraveler RomanticTraveler 31-35 62 Responses Nov 13, 2008

Your Response


Am juliet. I want to use this medium to tell you
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of mine introduced me to were I met a
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it.I did all I was told and two weeks later my husband came back home
begging me for forgiveness.I forgave him and today we are living
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(1) If you want your ex back.
(2) if you always have bad dreams.
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(4) You want women/men to run after you.

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(6) You want to be free from troubles of life
(7) You want to tie your husband/wife to be yours forever.
(8) If you need financial assistance.
(9) Herbal care
(10) If you can be able to satisfy your wife sex desire due to low erection.

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where is the email juliet :-)

I love a girl for 7 years same story just different title. Today she got married.

I can so relate to this. First let me say I am so very sorry for your situation. He and I were each others first loves, together for 6 years, one day he just said "its not working out", left me, but for many years after he just kept coming back around to visit, to see me, asking my family, and friends how Im doing etc. His body language says "I love you", He acts so nervous when Im around him- smiling, blushing, giggling like a love struck teenager(the same way he acted when we first met 20+ years ago), so I finally got up the courage to give him a letter pouring my heart out professing my undying love for him, and the response I get is "Im married, Im sorry". I am so devastated, he met her and married her so quickly(her first husband died, and less than 2 years later is remarried to my love!) I will never understand HOW this chick could recover from a 25 year marriage/loss of her first husband so fast. (I couldnt do it). I am still holding out hope and praying to God that SOMEDAY, I will have my love back in my life. (I must be stupid), but I know in my heart, my mind, and my gut that he still loves me. I have been in a couple of other relationships since him, but it was nothing like what we shared. So I have decided to stay single, I mean why bother being with someone if my heart's just not in it?

dear friend ,people specially girls are very selfish(no offense) at least those with whom i fell in love with.I fell head over heals with an afghan girl and been in her love for 5 long years until she married an old ,twice her age very rich old guy who is a cloth merchant so let me say that these ******* are gold diggers!
I destroyed my life and i destroyed studies and wish never to be like that ever and whatever God has given me i like to say thank to him coz he giveth and he taketh away ( its sucks and i hate it but i dont want to offend the fricking almighty too)
Now after so many years i have again fallen in love with another girl who is engaged to someone else ,now she started to very nice and good to me and i helped her a lot ion work and then i started to have feelings for her.Now she doesn't speak to me she never says hello and to top it all she goes out and hangs out with my best buddy! Tell me how should i cope with that,i ask God that please if you can give her to me make her marry me or just take her away and take her love away from my heart please! or just give a nice girl to me who loves me and i love her so that i can live my life in peace

I first fell in love with her when we were 15. I was stupid. I left her because things were very difficult. Our families were conservative and didn't allow us to get girlfriends at that age. So I hurt her. Scarred her heart by leaving her. I fell in love with someone else. But then things didn't go well. I thought about her often..About how stupid I was for leaving someone as amazing as her.

Then come 5 years later. we met again..still in love with each other. But she was now engaged with someone else. She thought I would never come back. She waited for me but I was too late.

We loved each other and she even left the guy for me. at least for a while. But then she was afraid to commit again to me because of what I did years ago. Now, I'm about to lose her completely. forever.

I know I will never love this way again..She said the same thing..

But she decided to settle..With someone she didn't love that much but she could trust to love her until the end.

It was my fault that I had to lose her now. that she couldn't trust me enough to love her again..I was stupid for letting her go..for hurting her.

I hope everyone whoever gets a chance to love someone and be loved in return by that person, never wastes that chance. We tend to take for granted people and things until they are gone.

I hope I would get a chance to be with her..and love her the way she deserves to be loved.

Maybe in my second lifetime..Maybe I'll get to meet her there and actually end up with her.. I love her so much... -mk

Add a response...

I googled how I am feeling and its funny that I found this posting after two clicks. I have a similar feelings too.

I was with an amazing woman for only 9 months. She was a musician and art therapist and guess she opened up doors in me. Unfortunately, they were a little too open a little too quickly and I needed some help. She was not the person to give me that help, which is understandable.

But I was devastated when it ended and have received therapy. But unfortunately, I still love her deeply and think about her everyday. It has been 3 years now, I really should have let her go. Most days I do.

Today I read her blog (I know, that's always a mistake) and read all about her wonderful marriage on the weekend and how much she is in love with her man in 'sacred union'.

A part of me feels some closure by this, in that, well, it really is over and I can see there is not going to be a day when a random meeting lets us make up.

I feel empty, like I am missing out on someone wonderful. I have friends and a new partner, but its not the same.

I think it is important for me to accept that I have lost her and grieve for that. If I allow myself to grieve, then over time the feeling of pain and loss will fade. If I don't accept the loss of a love, I won't grieve, just keep yearning and never move on. Its similar to experiencing the loss of someone who dies. People allow themselves to grieve when a loved one dies, knowing that they won't come back, in time this feeling fades.

I can sooo relate to all the stories on here…
Here is mine: My Soulmate and I lived together for 2 years, but because of his family (and culture related) issues, we got separate apartments in July but were still " together". Two weeks ago I find out he's arranged to married someone from back home & she arrived Wed night ( he hardly knows her but says he needs help with housework & taking care of his 10 yr old daughter (who I love VERY MUCH also). He professes his love to me daily and says there will never be anyone like me, but he needs peace of mind ( from family pressure) and stability. There are many other circumstances involving our separation, too much for right now. The wound is FRESH & I feel like my heart will NEVER come back from this… I'm 50 and have never felt as betrayed as I do now… But I will ALWAYS love him as I feel like he truly was my other half.

im 30 engaged after 9 yrs of being with my boyfriend. And i keep dreaming about my first love (twinkletwinklelittlestar). I hear him say the same things your saying (in my dreams, and im dreaming about him unexpectedly, unconsiously, and often) I guess the best thing to do is ACT UpOn it, make an effort and see how things go! You cant go through life without trying, if not you just failed! Goodluck!

I can completely relate. My ex is getting married this Saturday and honestly I don't know how to cope with it. I have tried dating other people, but have found it impossible to make it work or really feel for someone else. I finally found out what love really was and maybe that's the biggest struggle I have had. I'm trying to figure out if it would be best to say congratulations or to say nothing at all.

My ex is also getting married Saturday we met when I was 16 it was a love like no other. We were together for 13 years abd have an 8 year old. I truly believe he was my soul mate ...we have been apart for a little over 3 years now and it's like he's a different person we were engaged 2x he cheated we had a few breaks but never longer than a month or so ...idk if I'm truly hurt or it's the memories that are tearing me apart . When he got with this new girl I also met someone off the rebound and married very quickly but I guess in my own sick hurt twisted mind I thought I could grow to love again . It hasn't happend idk if it's because I won't let my husband who is so good to me and my son get close or if I'll EVER be able to love again like I did my sons father I'm crying as I type this I go to bed every night hoping to wake up and be able to give my husband the love he so desperately deserves I want to love him like I once loved it f#$king kills me inside that i can't I want to 've in love like I once was and I'm also hurt I went through so much with my ex from 16 sleeping on the streets to moving to another state to stay in his grandmothers one bedroom apartment to living in lodges to finally getting a house all this time I had a home to go to but I truly from the bottom of my heart loved my ex so much that I was willing to go to the ends of the earth with him and I just want to feel the same way about my husband I know deep inside my ex was my soul mate ..but like I said before when he got with this girl he severed ties with long time friends he totally changed and not for the better I guess the worst part that feels so unfair is she is getting my happily ever after and there is no way possible for her to love him half as deeply as I do and I want to stop loving him like that and give that love to my husband who deserves it but my head hasn't gotten through to my heart and the scariest part is I don't know if it ever will I don't know if anyone will even read this but it feels a little better to have gotten it out. My heart wants to call him and tell him how I feel just to know for sure that It's over but my head feels like if you truly love somebody even if they don't love you anymore that I just can't not because I'm scared of rejection but because true love means you're willing to sacrifice and put aside your feelings your hurt for the happiness of someone you truly LOVE ! ! !

I was dating a girl over 20 years ago, and no matter what other women I go out with, I can't forget her, even now. I have not seen her for over 20 years, and lost contact with her. I often wondered where she was, what she was doing. We never broke up, something happened, that is all i will say, but I never got closure, and I always loved her. And I always hoped we would get back together one day, find each other again.

I found out a week ago she is married, and living not far away from me. It hit me like a ton of bricks and I cried on and off for days, and a week later I still feel stunned. I feel like a large part of me has been taken away and I don't know how I am going to get over this.

I would never contact her while she is married, I would never throw a spanner in the works and cause problems for everyone involved, it has just broke my heart . Because I know if we had stayed together, it would have been me that would have married her, I feel a loss, like a life I should have had has been stolen away from me, I am trying to be more positive about this, but I don't know how to forget about her. I am happy for her, that she is ok, and seems happy. But it's killing me inside because she was my first love, and the one I have such strong feelings for, even 20 years later, I don't understand it.

I typed this out so people would know they are not alone, there are a lot of people I imagine, like us, who are broken hearted and you feel so alone as people don't understand how you can still hold onto something for so long, they say time heals, but not for me, I wish I could forget about her and move on.

I was ok when I didn't know where she was, and if she was married or not, finding out has crushed me, I wish I never found out.

Your message really touched me and I have so much empathy for your plight.. Sending you a ton of good vibes and wishing you all the very best in healing from your pain. I get a feeling that the future has lots of good stuff in store for you, Mr - just a hunch x

If you ever figure out how to go on living when all hope is lost. Please, please let me know. My heart, is as broken as yours.

I have almost the same experience...i have a bf for a year now,and he is from a different race and different culture...i love him so much,i just dont know if he can feel it,he was my everything,i take good care of him everyday....i cooked and wash clothes for almost a wife to him... But his culture dont allow him to marry outside there sect... And im not from his day he told me that his parents arranged a girl for him in marriage... I didnt know what to do and how i feel... Until now it still hunts me.. All the memories and heartaches i cant cope up... I can't love another man, i closed all the doors to my heart. He told me to get a good man for me. Im feeling so hopeless. I dont know if the one for me is really out there. I just wished i was the one he would marry. I cant stop crying. Everytime i remember him even at the bus i would still cry., i feel cheated and dumped., if he just fight for me, he will not regret everything., but im the failure., hope i can open up my heart the next time someone tap in my heart., and i hope someone will marry me...

Well I can say thus happened yo me 7 years ago. Still trying to recover. He's my bench mark, no others compare.
My mother once told me you may love many, however you only give your heart to one. Be sure that's the one you marry or else you'll lead a very long unfulfilled love life. If only I had have read between the lines!

Your mother's words seem to resonate with me. I never told the only man I have been with and loved that I loved him when we were together or even after when we remained friends for 3-4 years because I never believed in love then. I was young, focusing on myself, my career and always optimistic about finding someone that 'fit the bill'. He was much years older, waited (without ever pressurizing, asking and letting me do my thing) for 3-4 years after I broke up. We were best friends, spoke constantly, leaned on each other to get through the day, even after he moved away from the city I lived in. He got married, I went to grad school. I spent 2 miserable years in school (miserable from a happiness standpoint) only to come out realizing that I had let go of the thing that had kept me happy most of my adult life away from home.
I realized if that was not love that I felt for him, nothing was. I have never felt that connection with anyone, never been as attracted to anyone, never opened up to anyone like that.. in short, I am dealing with the loss for the past 2 years that now I think I can never overcome, because he was my soulmate and everything, and I was his. Even now I have been able to talk through this with him, but there is only that much he can offer now. Rare conversations and solace in that he went through and felt the same.

I've had a similar, if not the same experience..but in my case it was unrequited love. I loved a girl. She was the best thing I ever laid my eyes upon. I fell in love with her from the very first day I saw her. There hasn't been a single day or night when I haven't thought of her - even now her name and words make my heart sink deeper than ever - because I cannot be with her. Naturally I tried to become friends with her. We became really good friends. I told her how I feel about her, but she refused my request, stating her past breakup as a reason - she hadn't gotten over that guy. When I think of it, she also was facing a similar situation as me but only with respect to her ex. I tried convincing her to give me a chance - I loved her more than anything else in this whole wide world :( But she didn't yield. She was apparently a 'bad girlfriend' and that is why she wasn't given a chance with her ex. So I was supposed to feel good about that assumption of her's, that she is a bad girlfriend and be happy about that. Moreover, now that we are good friends, she doesn't want to spoil our beautiful friendship - kudos. But I can't forget her. I love her too much..I've tried getting over her, but it hasn't been possible till now. I haven't been able to date other girls too. Funny, though, considering I never dated her even once, or any other girl for that matter. Now she wants to marry a random new guy, because she thinks that is the only way she can be happy, forgetting her ex and all. WHY GOD, just why wasn't I given a chance? I don't care as to whether she is a from a different culture. I'm not bothered by the fact that our cultures do not match at all..I love her a lot. I don't know whether this injury to my heart will ever be healed..:( I'm in the highest level of friendzone that there ever is :P

My sons father and I were together 6 years and separated when I was pregnant with our second child. He was verbally and physically abusive sometimes and I felt we needed time apart. He was worried about his parents being disappointed so he told me to get an abortion. I dod and was bitter depressed and angry. I started dating someone afterwards but truly loved him so we still made live sometimes and the other relationship wasnt serious. In Dec he started seeing this female from another state. In January I realized how much I wanted to make it work. January 30th we were together for the last time and before he left he told me he was engaged to the girl he met in December. My birthday was February 5th he told me he loves me and I know he does on February 8th of this year he married her in less than 60 fays. Im devestated. Swinging between crying and anger. Felling rejected and wondering why he married her and not me. I Feel hopeless and like my life is over. I moved to this city and other than my job see no reason to stay here. I know I will never find anyone like him again. We know eachothers innermost thoughts. I am devastated. What do I do. Its been 2 days and I feel lime giving up on life.

hi, I found out yesterday that my ex of three years, who I left for various reasons is getting married. my daughter casually announced it whilst I was chatting to a friend. I am devastated. I have just spent an hour in the bath crying like a baby. I loved him when I left but there were complications that were making me very unhappy. we were engaged and I could truly imagine spending the rest of my life with him. leaving was the hardest thing I have ever done but I always thought or knew that when he had sorted himself out, we would find each other again. in the last twenty four hours I have been angry, desperate, stiff upper lipped and tearful! at the present mment I feel sick and scared because it feels like my future has just disappeared. im 37 and I have tried loving someone else but he is still in my heart so nothing ever worked out. I have considered going to the wedding and stopping it, I have considered contacting him and telling him to come home and for a fleeting moment considered running up the isle singing 'it should of been me'! friends have reacted in different ways to my plight. I have been advised to move on, go out on a bender, stop the wedding and some of the above. the worst part is when I saw him just over a year ago he told me he still truly loved me and was with this other woman because he had been seriously ill and she had taken care of him. I know in my heart he still loves me but he has made his devastating choice. I truly understand the way you were feeling and I would love to know how it worked out for you. I wish you all love and happiness on this very sad day.........

Its really very sad fa me as ma love of life is getting married today.I had a crush on her when I was in class 10th and even proposed to her by writing a luv letter but she rejected it and then we got in touch on FB n became gud friends and in August 2012 she got engaged and then she dropped me a msg on FB on March 2013 about her engagement and I did stop txting her since then. Suddenly I had received a msg on my FB account in May 2013. Things were not wrking out with the guy whom she was engaged and as I always wanted her in my life, I proposed her knowing the future concequences and it really started wrking out well for us even though it was a long distance relationship and I was very successful in trying convinceing ma parents as she is a Catholic and I am a Hindu. She was quiet disturbed with the abuses from her fiance and she tried convincing her parents of cancelling the wedding but her parents started with emotional blackmailing and she broke down for that and she agreed to marry the same guy to whom she was engaged. Today I had been near to function hall where her Roce ceremony took place. And tomorrow is her big day. I am going through a very bad situation. After reading all your comments n experience, I really wanted to share my experience. If anytime she is ready to come back., I'll be happiest guy on this planet.
God bless you all. <3

Ok here are my "two cents" to this topic.
About 20 years ago when I was in elementary school, I met my first one and only love. Everything was perfect in the beginning, the moment I saw her everything stood still, and she did kinda feel the same. All was fine until I ****** up everything, when other kids started to make fun of us, I could not control my ego and made the worst decision of my entire life. I turned against her, yes I still cant believe how stupid I was. I started name calling her...
Shortly after that everything went down the drain, a year later we went to different high schools and so lost all contact. I than searched for more than years for her I had no clue where she lived since she also had moved within the city. When I finally found her, 10 years after elementary school. I had the chance to finally apologize for what I did back there and I hoped we could start over again. BUT I was about years too late, she was already married...

Even after 20 years I cant stop thinking of her and the pain is as same as strong and devastating as it was back there. I am also quiet sure that I will never ever find someone like her again (at least I never did so far) and that I will probably never love anyone as I did her. I really don't know how to continue and I am constantly asking myself if there is still some hope or some option left somewhere to get her back. But I don't think so, in the end I paid the highest price for a tiny mistake I made 20 years ago when I was just a stupid little kid...

I can really understand where you all are coming from. I met who I believe is my soulmate 7 years ago in college. I saw him in class and I was immediately drawn to him. I sought him out and we began what would be a life changing relationship. We had our ups and downs, he hurt me and I hurt him. I was 18 when we met and he was 21. We were both immature and made mistakes, but we always found our way back to each other.

In 2008, he moved away after his graduation. We kept in touch and kept things going until 2009. I haven't seen him since. He met someone a few months later and didn't call when he was back in town. I knew and it was devastating but I then met someone as well. In 2010 after I had been dating my boyfriend for almost a year, he contacted me. She had broken up with him and he took the time to think and realized he loved me still and hoped that we could work. I shot him down. I was too afraid of breaking my boyfriend's heart and of what everyone else would think. I now know that I made a mistake that day that I can't take back.

They got back together later that year and he and I have not talked since early 2011. I am still with my boyfriend but realized in late 2011 that I made a huge mistake. I've never had the gall to reach out and tell my soulmate that I still love him, that I miss him and think of him every day. I love my boyfriend but he isn't the one and I can't keep this going, neither of us deserve it. He is a wonderful guy but he isn't who I want to marry, who I want to have a family with.

I found out last night that my soulmate and his girlfriend got engaged two weeks ago. It feels like someone died, my heart hurts so bad I wonder if can get past this.

I just don't understand why God would keep forcing the memories back into my life for it to end like this. I've tried everything. Deleting him from every social media outlet there is, trying to hate him, moving on with someone else, seeing a therapist. Nothing has worked and now I have to watch him marry and have a life with someone else. I dream about him constantly, there are signs everywhere. I somehow always thought that he would come back to me again. Everything about us fit, our connection, our interests, our personalities. I can clearly envision a life with him that will now never happen and I feel lost.

I don't know how to move past this but I have to. Being in this city where it all started is hard too, maybe it's time to leave. I just somehow know that I'll never love someone like that again and I don't know how to deal with it. Please pray for me to find peace and move on.

I know exactly how you feel, the love of my life, the only man I've ever loved just married someone else a month ago. Its awful I just keep thinking its not supost to be this way. The man I'm met to marry isn't supost to just marry someone else. But what am I going to do, the days are okay I can keep myself busy its the nights that are hard, the dreams of when he and I were together and in love. its crazy to think that we went from being in love to him being married to someone else in just a short six months.

It will be October soon. He will be married to his fiance. I can only cry and look the other way. My friends tell me to move on...but its easier said than done. How can you stop loving someone when your heart can\'t stop loving that person?

same situation dear....exactly same..:(

At this moment right now I'm in love with a man I believe to be my soulmate. When I'm sad he can sense me. It amazes me how we connect on every level. The moment he told me he loves me, my heart melted and there I was weak and full of passion. I love him so much, more than I thought I can ever love anyone. Unfortunately this man is engaged and he is getting married in Oct. I understand that he is doing what is right. His relationship with her is not great but he loves his daughter. I'm not gonna stand in his way, I rather suffer alone. The only thing I can do is walk away and love him from a distance. I have to come to terms that we are not meant to be and I am happy to have met him even if I was late.

Damned this cold life!
All is lost and there is no more time!

I know what you are going through my friend. I was with my high school sweetheart for over 6 years and we separated during college. At the time, the break up seemed like the right thing to do. We both needed to grow on our own and find out what we wanted in life. About a year or so later I find out she is with someone else. That was hard for me especially being in no position to meet someone new myself. After having the oppurtunity to meet new women, I am realizing that she was always the type of girl I want to be with. On top of that, we had a connection that I can't see having with anyone else. Its been a couple years now. I've been trying to focus on myself and I've been limiting my contact with her for she is with someone else, but now I see that she is happy with that new person. He may even be a better man than me, but now I've reached a new level of sadness. My only advice and tool I use myself is to imagine all the problems and disagreements that could arise in a new relationship together. Maybe she has changed in ways that would not interest you. Ultimately, maybe realizing that she has found something better than what you had with her will end that chapter of your life. Sadly, I know what you mean when you say that life has lost meaning though.

Eso es todo. A lo lejos alguien canta. A lo lejos.
Mi alma no se contenta con haberla perdido.

That’s all. In the distance, someone sings. In the distance.

My soul is not at peace with having lost her.

—Pablo Neruda, Veinte poemas de amor: 20,
The Essential Neruda: Selected Poems

At least we are in good company. Mine was the light of my life, and now is a shadow that haunts me dreams. Visas and youth us apart, and the rest is a story you know too well. People come and go so I'm going to try and focus on loves like art and music which are less easily ******** from us. Not everyone experiences a great love so maybe we should consider ourselves lucky.

I have loved two girls in my life. Thank god I was capable of that or the first girl would have been my end as she was my everything and had I lost that without another meaning to life i do doubt I would have continued on. Yet now I have grown older and my first love is with another and my second seems depressed and broken yet I still cannot manage to get the guts or really commit to finding either of them out and just saying I want you, I need you and your mine. I know down the road I will regret this complacency and it will destroy me yet I cannot manage to motivate myself to change this. Both are or have been with friends I know (honestly I couldn't care less) but something is blocking me from pursuing it. I would love help or advise mostly counseling.

Hi, I know this was posted years ago, but I just had to write something. The love of my life is getting married to someone else tomorrow. I'm so upset... We have not been together for 8 years!!!! But there isn't one day that I haven't thought about her. I guess the fact we have kept in contact via Facebook really hasn't helped. We did briefly have a night together, but I ****** it because I was seeing someone else at the time. I know this makes me sound like a horrible person, I'm not. I'm a stupid ******* idiot, that's what I am. If anyone is reading this, now or 10 years down the line experiencing the same heartache, remember you're not alone in what you're feeling.... I don't know how to get past this, it's all too final, I should of tried something sooner, but that's me all over, weak. Now I have paid the ultimate price, lost the one I love so much I feel my eyes welling up just thinking about her and I have no one to blame but me. I just needed to vent somewhere where no one knows me, I hope you can understand that, it does feel a bit better doing so :)

When I was 16 I met this amazing girl who was also my age. The time we spent together went by fast. After a year, her family had to move to another country, this was very stupid of me, but I didn't have the guts to say goodbye to her. I don't know why, it didn't hit me immediately the fact that she was gone, a couple of years later I finally understood, she wasn't coming back. I've had many chances with many other girls, yet my heart never seems interested. It's been 13 years, and this feeling has not waned. She got married 4 years ago and gave birth to their firstborn 2 weeks ago. I'm happy cuz I know she's happy, but at the same time it kills me a little each day that passes, knowing that could've been me. Life took away my princess and never gave her back. I don't know if there was anything I could've done different. 13 years, and the memories we made together are still the best of my life, though I'm afraid all those "what if" will haunt me until my last breath.

I believe I will be where you are some time in the future and have to ask myself the same questions. I also seem to lack the follow through or what you wish to call it to risk everything just to try and change it.

If you love them and they're your soulmate, they feel the same about you then fight. Fight for the woman you love. If you don't try your hardest you will spend the rest of your life wondering. 'What if' will drive you crazy. I lost my first love because I was afraid to speak up and tell him how I felt. We both likes each other fiercely but I was 15 and he was 19, thus every one we knew tried to keep us apart. We had a pure connection but nobody cared they saw that I was too young. I have always had an old soul so we connected immediately. He was afraid of my family, and we both were afraid of rocking the boat. There are so many things left unsaid between us. Lack of communication between he and I, fear from others and older girls willing to put out aren't as scary as what he was facing with me, I didn't blame him though. Couple years late, He dated others andwound up moving, he moves back just after I was seeing someone. He wanted to see me as friends so we met, but everything came back to us and I felt 15 again. I finally had enough courage to tell him how in love with I was years ago and still was, also I was beginning a relationship. We said good-bye as friends only. Saw him a few more times, then I heard he was engaged but that he had broken it off, and spoke of me. I regret not being with him, the man I was in less than 1 year relationship with was a miserable one, we found all the time and he mistreated me. Something always kept us apart. He told me how he regretted how he handled our "relationship" years ago, that's when I told him how head over heels I was for him. But I foolishly let him go because I didn't want to hurt the man I was trying to start one with. I didn't know till it was trot late that my first love spoke of me foundly and often, he wanted me back...I found out after he died. His death was a great shock to me, the what could have been is still killing me 3 months later. I'm angry at those who kept us apart. And angry at myself for wasting my life for nearly a year on a man who toward the end pushed me, shoved me and cursed at me. I wasted that time when I should've fought for my love. We were both to scared to speak up to the other. Scared of what people would think or say then we let time slip past us further and further away he got. Then in one moment he was gone, a car crash... my worsy fear came true im living my nightmare. He never wore a seatbelt, he went through the windshield, it was horrific. Now he haunts me, my dreams, my thoughts. So I say fight fight for your love fight for who you want. Torture and misery and many what ifs will haunt you all of your days if you don't. I wish you well. I sincerely hope that everyone deserving of love can find their mate and be happy.

Reading your story made my heart sink a little deeper than I had expected when reading such stories. Lets say I have been the idiot in a car crash twice because I couldn't keep my mind off the girls I love. I am not sure (well doubt always wells and I just don't know anymore) if the girl would love me and wane over me. My gut tells me if the same thing would happen to me she would be in your position and yet I am locked down too afraid to change it. We've both shared and are very close but somehow she has always seemed distant. I just have no clue. Sometimes your so lost in for thoughts and destroyed emotionally remembering that you want to be in a car wreck just to see if she cares and loves you since she has never shown it. Is it possible that I'm living a fantasy or that she is very quiet and held back and wouldn't say it. I would much love readers advice.

I know how you feel, sadly this happens alot. I lost my soulmate. We were in love so deeply two years ago, he lived 20 miles away and we had no way of seeing each other, but we kept in touch the best we could. Talked for hours, both admitted neither has been happier. There were months we couldn't speak for one reason or another, it seemed fate and life always kept us apart. He asked me to marry him and I told him yes, he had names picked out for our future children. Then we had a fight and 6 months later I find out hes married. He never called, wrote, nothing. I find out from his mother that hes married, and he doesn't even care me anymore. The month prior to this, my first love died, I met him when I was 14 I thought I was over him, then I heard how horrificly he died. No one called me, I had to read about it on facbook. I knew him for nearly 10 years and hes gone. You never wver truly get over your true love. In two months i lost my first love and my soulmate. My heart is beyond crushed and I feel like I'm dying inside everyday. I'm alone in this too, my best friend is glad my soulmate isn't with me. And no one cares enough to try to comfort me about the loss of the life of my first love. I'm in pain everyday, alone in agony.

At the risk of seeming dumb and oblivious, but is your best friend that you mentioned maybe a boy and possibly he feels for you like you felt for others. I am so sorry if this is inappropriate it was never intended to be so. The only part of your pain I can relate to is being in pain and agony alone daily without your true love.

Unrequited love happens, I know that I have fallen for a few people that things simply didn't work out. While I understand that love lost is not uncommon, there truly is one person that has left a deep mark on me. The crazy thing is that I never dated this man. It would be hard to label us as friends now, though we have many mutual friends.

We went to High School together, met through the drama department. He was classically charismatic, funny and smart. In the beginning we would only knock into each other in settings with friends around. Eventually we developed a strange relationship which rotated around drinking & having crazy nights of passion, though there was no sex- (unlike anything I have experienced since). To kiss him was to see into his soul. We did end up spending some nights alone, talking until the sun came up... then I went to college.

We kept in touch. He came and visited with friends and everything. Eventually (a few years later) I ended up moving to a town 40 minutes away from our hometown (much closer than my college). I saw him seldom at this point, things weren't happening between he and I... so I started dating another boy. When he found out he seemed to be very jealous. He bought me things (he'd never done that before) and tried to be around more (drove out to my place for random reasons). Though I had strong feelings for the boy I was dating I broke up with him because I felt that my 'soul mate' finally wanted to make his move and I was not being fair if I had feelings for two people.

He did make a move- he came to my apartment and we had one last night of pure passion. Just making out. Just talking about things... it was magic. When the sun came up the next day I could tell something was wrong. Two days later I went to a social gathering with mutual friends and there he was, holding hands with this other girl (a friend of both of ours). As we had never made any commitment to each other I had no reason to "be upset." I was though. It didn't matter that I lived far away... or that we didn't see each other enough... I felt like something was about to happen and now this?! My heart broke.

Long story short, the girl he was holding hands with became his fiancé a few years later. I still know him. It has been six years. I have been dating my boyfriend for five years. I am actually good friends with his fiancé. She is a nice girl, I like her. I don't want to and have no intention of ever trying to come between them, they are good people. I'm a good person... I have mostly pushed any feelings I have for this guy out of my mind. Still there are times where he will 'pet my hair' playfully when he walks by or he will say things that are mysterious. Example: at his engagement party I congratulated him and went in for a hug. While hugging he whispered into my ear "more than you'll ever know." -it's things like this when I swear I can feel a string tugging at my heart. Making my contact sends my heart racing. The butterflies. It hasn't gone away, it's just weird now. I can't really hold a conversation with him anymore. I can't talk to him without feeling like I'm going to flirt... or feel for him. I can't take that kind of torture and I find it very disrespectful to flirt with another woman's man, I will never be the other woman. The impossibility that we could ever be together has sunk in. It's a very strange situation.

It's not that I always want to be with this guy. I love my boyfriend, so much. It's when I see him. This guy left a mark on me. Call it the first cut being the deepest. Call it soul mates gone wrong. Whatever. It has been a real trial in my life.

*here is the kicker.* His fiancé has asked me to be in their wedding. The awkward heart ache continues... feeling fortunate that my boyfriend is such a wonderful man. I wouldn't trade him for the world, but I think it may be possible that I love them both. Or maybe the engaged man just seems interesting because it was unrequited? Whatever the case, life goes on. If there is an afterlife and we are some sort of soul mates then I will see him when I die. *I told him that, when we were drunk once.*

I think I can relate. I have acted similar although reverse in that I showed a girl I loved much attention and when she didn't respond but responded to anothers I withdrew. Nonetheless just how you describe him seems in essence similar to myself. I would say he wanted you more than anything but never had the guts to make it happen. If you still do it might be worth just seeing if he does to. There wouldn't be anything to lose the way you describe it and boys are terribly scared of putting all their feelings on the line.