Feel Too Vulnerable And Exposed To Show I'm NeedyI think I hide behind a mask of self confidence to keep from showing that deep down, I am really needy. I guess my fear is that if I do show this side of me- that people will turn away from me. Sometimes it feels like I am suppose to be strong and support everyone around me- but not let them see that I may need help or a hug or whatever in return.
I guess my past has taught me that the only person I should or could really rely on was myself. The times that I have let my guard down, and let people see that I am not as strong as I appear- they leave. So, I guess I have just learned that is something that should stay locked away. Whats hard right now is that I have started relying on someone- and getting strength from them- but am afraid to really let them know it. I guess I just never act like anything I go through is really that big of a deal. But, I feel like I am being fake- and pushing them away by not letting them in. Again- the fear steps in, and the past, and feeling like I can't expose myself that completely. Because I would rather have them in my life- even if it's at a bit of a distance- than to lose them completely.
Of course, I'm a girl. I'm prone to emotional outbursts, and overwhelming feelings at times. So, if I am feeling down one day- that's not to say that I won't wake up the next morning and feel like the world is mine.
I don't know- just my thoughts at the moment...