My aunt has been diagnosed with cancer. I am afraid; afraid that she will pass away, afraid that she will give up. She had been so strong in the beginning, but I think her willpower is dying out. She tells me, I am very tired. She tells me, my stomach hurts. She tells me, everything tastes weird. Whenever she 'reports' to me, I get queasy inside. When she vomits and I clean it off the floor for her, she just gazes at the ground. Is she really going to give up?

My aunt is a person with the best skin I had ever seen! I am so jealous of her complexion! Despite her beauty, she has never had a boyfriend, or went out on a date, much less married or have children. In fact, she is a virgin. I know that I should not talk about her this way, but she is that pure of a person. It upsets me that she will never go on a date, she will never have a boyfriend, she will never get married, she will never have sex and bear children. The worst part of it all was just before her cancer worsened, she had to remove her whole womb. She is such a pure person, Why is life so unfair?

She ate a lot of veggies, ate fruits everyday, yet she was diagnosed with cancer. The whole family was shocked when we found out. The healthiest among us was going to die, we thought. Why her?

She is anemic, that complicates matters. Every night I ask no one in particular, why her?

My grandma, from the other some of the family, passed away last year on Friday the 13th. I was super close to her and her death affected me greatly. My studies crashed and everything turned bad. The bad side of last year includes my aunt's diagnosis. I don't think I can handle another death this year.

My mother wants me to take genetic tests, because my aunt's cancer and anemia was passed down. Now, I fear for my health too. If I had that pparticular gene, although I may not necessarily get the cancer, I would be so afraid.

Last year was a horrid year for our whole family, it's a new year now. I only have 1 wish. I want a miracle, because my aunt deserves it. I believe that when that miracle arrives one day, everything else will fall in place and things will be alright:)
pleasestay pleasestay
Jan 9, 2013