Always On My Mind

Hi all--
Glad to find somewhere I can at least write these things and get them out of my head.

My mother died of esophagul (sp?) cancer when I was 21. I am now 37. My father died from bladder cancer when I was 31. 2 years ago my husband was diagnosed with leukemia.

My mother and father both lead very UNHEALTHY lives. Both smoked upwards of 3 packs of cigarettes a day. Both drank. Both didnt eat well, and neither excercised. My husband, however, was super fit, young (34) and healthy. And whammmo-out of the blue. He is ALIVE and doing WONDERFULLY, in remission. He has the one type of cancer that is treatable by pill format--he is on Spyrcel, and will remain on this drug until a cure is found.

But, I feel like I go in spurts where my thoughts are consumed by cancer--of me getting cancer. We have a young son (he is 2) and I am constantly thinking that every little ache and pain i have might be cancer...I do the constant..."OH no...what if this is cancer..." It is tiring. I do go in spurts--where i wont be a freaked out hypochondriac for months, and then suddenly I am constantly thinking about my health and I swear I can make myself FEEL like I am sick.

I know how unhealthy this is, and i know that i really can make myself sick with my thoughts. I try very hard to stay positive and upbeat and remember that I do not live the life my parents did--I dont smoke, get in enough excercise, eat pretty well and just drink wine a few times a week.

All in all...CANCER SUCKS and I am so scared of it.

Weeez Weeez
2 Responses Aug 26, 2008

God bless you!

Me too! Your are not alone.