As 'safe' doesn't apply to me anymore, I 'settle' in rituals, patterns false security etc. Change, it is not familiar to me, so I see it as being a burden, taking me to a place where I am not prepared. I can't not be prepared, I need to plan for anything, and when it gets to a point where you don't know what will happen next, it is so terrifying. It's like now, I've been diagnosed with depression after living like this for a long time, and believe me, a part of me wants to change, to work through it, but another part is terrified of what could be around the corner at any given moment. It's a constant battle against myself, trying to push myself that little bit further without falling apart. Sometimes you don't even notice change until you look back for your security only to find it's not there anymore, and that in itself can make me back up that little bit further. Change is more than a word, more than a step, it can be life changing...

hurtandpain hurtandpain
18-21, F
2 Responses Feb 18, 2010

Start your life all over again from the same point you fell from but NEVER GIVE UP!<br />
I might not be in a good position to give any advice because I still edge on the past in a way or another especially when I`m sad and trapped in my own dark thoughts. <br />
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We humans can be stronger than we think, give yourself time, don`t stress yourself too much.<br />
Try to enjoy the soft beauty that surrounds life for ex: kids smiles, silly jokes, nature views.............etc<br />
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Change is pain but change is a solution!<br />
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Best wishes and good luck in loving life!

Stick with it...<br />
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It is a long journey, but one worth traveling.<br />
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At the end of this you will be able to accept things as they are and not cringe when change occurs.