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My Dad Is Getting Old, And I'm Sooo Afraid Of Him Dying.

Ever since I was little, I would have a sudden random thought of losing one of my parents. I guess i'm mostly terrified of losing my dad. I'm 18 and my dad is 78! i know its crazy, i always have been a bit embarrassed by it though I shouldn't be. My mom is in her fifties  so I am less fearful of her death, also I admit I am a bit closer to my dad. My dad is in good health to my knowledge, but just the thought of his age tears me apart, i'm so afraid of him dying. I love him more than anything, if that happened, i don't think i could go on. I'm very emotional when it comes to loved ones and I've never lost someone close to me before... i really don't know how I'll react. I feel like no one I know can relate or loves him as much as me. I also feel bad cuz sometimes I don't treat him as special as he should be treated, I may not give him enough attention, at the time I want to be alone, but at the end of the day... I regret it :[ helpful advice anyonee??
ronniecakes ronniecakes 18-21, F 25 Responses Jul 17, 2010

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My biggest fear too was loosing my parents when I was younger. I would lie awake at night crying about it. I didnt even like sleeping over my friends houses because I didnt want to separated from my parents. I did go to sleep over parties and they were fun, but I had this unrealistic view about loosing them. I think its because they did not speak about death with me. my sister died suddenly 2 years ago and i miss her. we were very close..my mom passed away 13 years ago suddenly and my dad is in his 80's and forgetting more and unable to come out with words he knows but cant remember. I feel terribly sad seeing him like this. I am the only here that is taking care of him and I dont know how one comes to terms with these feelings of loss. I still cry a lot about my sister, but now with my moms passing being 13 years it has become so much easier regarding the pain I felt when i first lost her. If you are a worrier and worry about other things in life, I can understand why this affects you. Try not to make yourself sick over it and speak to friends or therapists. It can take away some of the obsessing over your dad, but its a real feeling and it is painful.

I am 43, my dad was 64. He died a few months ago. He was my hero, he was as constant as the north star. He was as healthy as me, but without hair and with more wrinkles. He died very unexpectedly. My entire world changed at that moment, and I am am still dealing with that moment.

How can you prepare yourself to such thing? I don't know how to deal with mourning and death. When I was 8 or 9 years old my grandpa died, I though it was better to not go to my grandpa's funeral, because i wanted to remember him the way he was, not the way he ended. Sometimes I regret have done that, I didn't say goodbye to him.Now I'm 25 years old and still hurts me, I still miss him because he was the best grandpa ever. Sometimes I laugh remembering all the goofy things he did, but sometimes I cry because I really miss him. I think I haven't closed that chapter.Eever since, the idea of losing my dad tears my heart apart. I don't want to lose him too. I'm a primary school teacher and future wife, and even though I'm an adult, I feel that I will always need him. I feel that I will always need his advice and guidance.I get stressed just to think about it, I don't know what to do.

I'm 15 and my dad is 61. I just lost my mom to cancer and I constantly worry now about my father passing I'm an only child it's just me and him and the thought of him passing makes me crazy

oh i know. i feel like that all the time and its really a downer because id love to hangout with my parents more but my mum lives far from us and my dad does other things with his gf. Saddening.

Me to ,, my name is Luke I am 13 years old my dad is 65 I try to spend as much time as i can with him

I realize this post is old but wow, did it ever resonate..you sound like my twin, and many posters do as well. I was also very very close to my father. I obsessed the past 10 years with the idea of losing him. It would enter my thoughts on a daily or weekly basis. This past May he passed away. He was only 81, and I was 34. I say only, as in today's day and age, with modern medicine and advancements, we feel as though we can make it to our 90's; however, I knew that my dad's family history wasn't good and he had already outlived any relatives who had all died under the age of 80 so I 'prepared mentally for that day'..and I say prepared as I believe this worry we all share in common is our mind's way of trying to cope in advance with the worst news imaginable.

To make matters worse, his death was completely unexpected - very sudden. He went for a lovely walk around my parent's field when the lilacs were in full bloom, came back home to sit on the porch and cool down as we had an unusually hot day that day, and he never stood up again. 2 years ago he was diagnosed with deep vein thrombosis, and although I thought it was under control, it obviously wasn't. The blood clot ran to his brain or heart.

My father was extremely kind hearted and generous toward others. As a teacher, he gave hope and new opportunities to people who struggled in life (not just in school but personally as well). His heart was huge. He was also brilliant, and his discoveries were published in physics books. He was truly one of a kind, and as such, this loss seems unfathomable to grasp.

It's been just over 6 months. I still cry. I'm terrified of losing my mother now. I can't imagine spending the rest of my life feeling this miserable or going through this again. Being an emotional and sensitive person like many here who have shared their concerns, I feel that I handle grief extremely hard. It's scary to read that some still grieve 20 years later as the only comfort is that with time, I will know what it's like to feel happy once again...

Sorry, I failed to mention. My advice is that while your dad is alive, tell him how much you appreciate him, ensure you spend quality time together and never behave in a way you may regret so that when that unimaginable day arrives, you have only fond memories to reflect upon. Don't fret about the previous times you said or did something that wasn't nice. Our parents love us and soon forget any issues we ever caused them.

Hello, reading all your post made me cry. I've been through that already, my dad was 42 when I was born and he died 2 years ago at the age of 70, heart attack, it was sudden and to this day I am still finding it hard to cope. I'm 30 now and I recently got married, and he wasn't there, it just broke my heart. My mom is 68 and I'm constantly afraid of losing her now too. I'm an only child and have always been close to both of them.
It get's better with time but today was exactly two years since his passing so I guess that's why it's really upsetting.
Some people don't have a choice (my parents did not) but for those who do, don't wait late in life to decide to have children as some of us in this situation do live in constant fear of losing our parents when we know that they are getting old and that we are still at a relatively young age.

I will give you in FULL detail the desc<x>ription of my solution. Death of Parents is hard, VERY HARD. but there is something I did. While your dad is alive, I merely suggest you don't think about it. At the day of your father's death, don't go insane. This can lead to depression and insanity. It HURTS. ALOT. but you Have to deal with it. I suggest Not yelling or going crazy or letting your anger on someone else. Simply Let it go. No one is TRULY dead until he/her is forgotten. Remember. Go On. Smile. :)

you see i have a grew up with my dad (parents are divorced) and i will admit im closer to my dad too. im only 16 almost 17 but me and my dad have done so much stuff together like going hiking and fishing and just hanging out, he is honestly one of my best friends i have had a lot of trouble lately with how time is going so fast my dad is only 47 but i still feel as if it is still old, he has a 3 year old as of right now and it just putts a lot of stress on him through the weeks and i can see it and it hurts me but you know what your not going to be able to change it! you just have to accept it because if you dont your going to be hurting more and more everyday. you just have to wake up in the mornings and make the days and the time you have left count! that all you can do accept it and make better use of your time.

Im only 11 and im scared my dad might pass away hes envolving symptoms like cold feet and hands and hes breathing unormally And im really scared i dont have any other parents but him and im scared like a lot

i know how you feel my parents are 50 and are really healthy dont worry about those thing when my grampa died my father did not shed a tear because he knew his dad was in a better place and when he got home the day he died he was fine he hugged me but he told me that family makes you stronger and to not worry about those things the people around you make you stronger when you think of family it all gets better

Omg I just searched this out because I feel exactly the same. This brought me to tears because of how similar I feel in every aspect. I also have always had terrible day-mares of losing loved ones and also them agonizing over my death on the other end. It's like self abuse n I've learned to some what put those thoughts out of my head. All we can do babe is do our best to make them proud and feel like they succeeded in putting a good head on our shoulders. As a father I feel this is what I would need to die in good energy and go where I would be happy and feel complete .

I lost my mom 5yrs ago without warning unexpectedly. There is nothing you can do to prepare yourself for it. After that I lost my uncle who was special to me as well. Then last year I lost my granmother. There is nothing no matter what prepairs you for their passing. Just spend time with him when you can treat him as you would if it was his last days. and charish every moment.

There is a way not to die, all you have to do is be healthy and if you can't be healthy you can replace your cells with new cells and if you do that you could live on forever

What whack *** scientist U been talking to ?

So glad I found this post. I'm in the exact same situation. I'm 20 and my dad is 70. The last visit home I noticed my dad walking slower and physically slowing down. It makes me think about my life, how he may not be there to walk me down the aisle, see me have children, and everything I want to accomplish. I'm going to school out of state and I feel guilty for having to spend so much time away, but I often think about life after college. I want to move to another state for my job but I also feel like I should stay close to home to see him more. What would you do in this situation? My dad also runs everything, keeps the house afloat, pays for my schooling, does our bank statements. I just don't know what my mom and I would do without him...

politely ask your dad to live untill he is 100.... pray to god that he lives till he is 100.... if god does not serve you you're prayr and he dies before the age of 100 get mad and smash everything that is near to you go on a smashing spree, EG if you are in your living room and you get a phone call that you dad has died at age 90, you will break down into tears and be angry (anyone would) the best way to take the situation isn't to hold it in , if you feel angry smash everything in then room, Eg put your foot through the tv throw the sofa at the wall do the'olee swiping everything off the table so it flies everywhere, get mad smash everything , seriously it may seem weird but it will help you badly if god betrays you and dis obeys your prayr's you must go to your local churrch and take a huge stinking dump on the door step , and once again go on a huge smashing spree just smash the **** out of a car that is parked outside of your house simpley because it's parked outside of YOUR HOUSE WHERE ''YOUR'' CAR SHOULD BE PARKED another thing that helps is if you have a good phone eg iphone 4s grab it smash it to the ground , throw it at the wall and then jump on it another thing girls may do when angry is punch them self in their mound/muffer (look at the good side of it , everyone will feel really sorry for you and be slaves for you for like a whole year they will buy you things and even cuddle you and care for you like proffesional slavery system, hope this helped .thomas in denmark :) (i learned this from personal experience of what i done when my nan died

voarsmashcan is apsolotelly right in the way that they mean to devour and demolish everything when your pet hampster dies because it can be absolotelly heart breaking i loved my hampster for the whole time i had it but in the end i got borred of it and alough i loved it from the bottom of my fuel-injected heart i had to end its sad little life. anyways just as he said you need to hijack a wrecking ball and maybe a tiger tank fully kitted out with ful-on combat equiptment and blow up everything with nuclear bombs but obviously film it with a go pro to watch back the carnage afterwards because its pretty cool!

so basically top tips are:
flem on the dead guys ****-catchers
drop a nuc on your neighbours front lawn and put weed killer on there flowerbeds
thanks john from newcastle upontyne :D

Hi there. I feel the same way. I'm 25 and my father is 82. Lately it's been worse and sometimes I have to pull my car into a parking lot when I start worrying/crying about it and just sit there until I collect myself. It's so hard that even the thought of losing him tears me up. Idk what I'll do when he passes but I can't stand the thought of it. I'm a pretty tough person but when it comes to him, he's one person I wish I could make live forever because he's that wonderful of a person. He's the wisest man I know and he is very understanding. I love him and I try and let him know that with every card or note I give him. I bring him his fav candy or food and I should go out to eat with him more. It's a love I never want to lose but I have no control over it. I will never be able to prepare myself for that day... :(

My dad is 83 and I am 23. He had his first heart attack when I was nine and has two in the years since then. I am an only child and my dad is my best friend. I've known, probably since around 11 or 12, that I wasn't going to get my dad as long as most of my friends. He probably won't walk me down the aisle. He may not see me graduate from grad school. I want him so badly to see my achieve my dreams.<br />
<br />
Every time I left for college after a visit home, he would stay at the bus stop and wave, watching me pull out of the station. And every time I sobbed the whole way to the airport - because I never knew if that was the last time I would see him again.<br />
<br />
I know that some kids lose their parents abruptly very early in their life. I've know about this - impending tragedy - for some time, but I know that when it finally happens, I will be just as devastated and heartbroken.<br />
<br />
My advice? Try to recognize and accept the things you cannot change. Understand that it will be painful, but it's a pain everyone faces - and sadly you and I may have to face it earlier than most. Say I love you a lot. Cherish every moment - take every opportunity to get a story, go out to dinner, or watch your favorite movie. I am home right now for the sole purpose of spending more time with my dad. And don't feel guilty about spending that time. We're young and starting our lives- but since we won't get our dads as long as some, there is no shame in taking time off to spend it with them now. We adjust. We love deeply. And try not to think about that time.

My dad is 76 and I am 27.<br />
I have been through the same process, but my situation is a bit more difficult since my father is in south america alone, separated from my mother who lives in europe.<br />
The thing is that, yes, he is old, but very lonely as well, and more prone to make us (me and my bro) feel sorry for him, like a victim.<br />
We i talk to him straight he is very kind, but he is more keen on the victimism.<br />
<br />
If one i get married, and have kids, or maybe just the dream of it, should i leave all this fantasy behind in order to take care of him during these last years of his life?

I have something similar to that. Except my dad is going to 52. I know that doesn't seem too bad, but its just been me,my sister,and my dad for my entire life. My sister joined the Navy and my dad's girlfriend just broke up with him and is now leaving. I feel so alone and worried about my dad. I can't imagine what I'd do if he passed on.

its nice to know that theres someone out there who feels the same wayy @conscript93. it makes me feel a little better thank you for everyones advice. its hard to not take people for granted sometimes no matter how much u dont want to. its like i feel guilty for every little argument we may have or anything like that.

Hi ronnie,<br />
You'll be okay. As hard as it may be to believe, death is a normal part of life. You are loving your dad the best you know how, and he is loving you. There's not a thing you can do to keep him here longer than he will be here. Perhaps you have some guilt about being embarrassed about your dad's age. It's normal to have embarrassment about parents for one reason or another. If/when your dad passes, you will find a way to honor him. You'll do it with your work, or the way you live your life, or in your daily rituals or the values you embrace. You will honor him, believe me. You will. Your dad would probably prefer that you live your young life and not worry so much about what can't be controlled. As much as we'd like to wish death away, or make it easier for ourselves, we simply can't. I hope you are living in every moment, appreciating life's beauty and being grateful for all of the good people in your life. Much peace to you, ronniecakes.

Hi ronnie,<br />
You'll be okay. As hard as it may be to believe, death is a normal part of life. You are loving your dad the best you know how, and he is loving you. There's not a thing you can do to keep him here longer than he will be here. Perhaps you have some guilt about being embarrassed about your dad's age. It's normal to have embarrassment about parents for one reason or another. If/when your dad passes, you will find a way to honor him. You'll do it with your work, or the way you live your life, or in your daily rituals or the values you embrace. You will honor him, believe me. You will. Your dad would probably prefer that you live your young life and not worry so much about what can't be controlled. As much as we'd like to wish death away, or make it easier for ourselves, we simply can't. I hope you are living in every moment, appreciating life's beauty and being grateful for all of the good people in your life. Much peace to you, ronniecakes.

My questions is, how can you achieve peace in situations like that?
have a nice day.

i totally understand how you feel my dad is 70 and my mom is in her 50's while im only 17..i have thoughts sometimes of whats going to happen to my dad and how much time i have with him and its not exactly fair but you cant change life. he even mentions that i need to start taking charge of my life because he wont be here forever so the thought of him not being here always gets to me too..but you and no one else has control over how much time he or anyone has on this world but the most important thing you can do is make sure he knows you care about him and that everything he has done has made you who you are today. all you can control is what you choose to do and say to him that shows he matters to you and as long as you do that you cant go wrong anywhere.