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I've Had Enough

Terrified. Horrified. Scared. I can't handle this thought. Makes me so depressed. I already have a plan. I'm committing suicide in 15 years if I don't find anyone who will love me. Because my family is all I've got. So I've got nothing to do without them. What? Be depressed my whole life and just die alone? No thanks. I've had enough already.

TheLostPoet TheLostPoet 18-21, F 6 Responses Feb 18, 2010

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well your too young to think about it to be over. You fail to realize that 18-21 is the "START" of life. You are NOW suppose to set out and MAKE YOU WAY TOWARDS WHAT WILL BE YOUR FUTURE accomplishments. You weren't suppose to find someone to love and marry you ,have a family and children AS YET. You weren't suppose to have finished schooling and working on degrees and have your own business or practice , AS YET. So what depresses you so? Your right all you have is your FAMILY because your not even really an ADULT YET.Thank godness you have them and NOW is WHEN you BEGIN to add to that. Don't even know if your 21. and if your are YOU JUST TURNED LEGAL. What you need to do is let life HAPPEN. The world is an UNKNOWN AND SCARY PLACE, oh it is. YES, it is. No matter what choices you make something different can always happen. We need to stop relying on other people to give us happiness and learn how to make our own. It's like you say your afraid to die to alone, and that in 15 yrs you'll kill yourself if your still alone... well guess what you will be dying alone. Your not even giving yourself a chance, what do you think as soon as you hit 21 you instantly have friends and long lasting dear relationships that will weather any storm? be married and have the job of your dreams? lol come on be realistic. Friendships take year to cultivate, as do education and working up the job ladder. You are at the start line, and in 15 years your only the 1st step away from the start line. I should go blow my brains out now if you think its too late because I'm 33 and I will most likely die alone. I was actually feeling depressed till I read your post. I sit here most times wishing I could take all this back and go back and redo it all . How I wish I could be 17 and make better decisions. to see you here posting this, is like listen your being dramatic. You weren't suppose to have accomplished anything as yet, you have a beautiful blank clear slate, you have every opportunity to jump headfirst in the world.

Yep, we are born alone, die alone, if were lucky. why do you want someone around driving you crazy or annoying you? humans can't love as divinity can love, and dvinity is in spirit. Only a few saints can love as most of us need to love.

human life is mucky messy creepy and painfull, sensual mortal love is manipulative and sticky at best, deadly at worst. I am a divinity student as only God can fill my need for a pure love.

you can keep animal barbaric sensuous slobbers, let them cheat each other for money hearts and vanity, bla bla bla yuck, yetch, ick. better yet learn divinity and learn to love yourself, start by loving and undestanding God.

shalom

You got a lot of positive experinces ahead of you. Try not to judge your future path by the scenery directly in front of you now.

As far as dying, we come into the world alone, it is how we leave. It's the cycle of life.

Paco35:)

Thank you for your comments, well yes, i've got it all planned out because i've been through a lot and i'm surpised I'm here still standing strong.

I'm sorry for your circumstances but let me just say that (assuming the age you have posted is correct) high school can be harsh. Perhaps things will be better once you get out of that hell whole.



I wish you all the best :)

Hello Poet, seems to me that you have your whole life planned out, not to mention that suicide is a long term fix to a short term problem. Do you think that some one will miss you if you go through with it? Somthing I need to ask you is, is it so important to have some one love you when you can't love yourself enough to live? One thing you need to know is, you are never alone and you have friends. I'm not here to judge you, I'm just currious as to whats on your mind and in your heart. You see I'm a firm beleiver that the heart is a home without doors, there for its always open if you are willing to come in. My door is always open to you. My name is Dale by the way and I would like it if you would considder me as your friend and add me to your circle, is that possible? The right thing you are doing is reaching out, thats a pluss. So add me and perhaps we can start a dialogue. You mentioned that your family is all you got and they have you as well, how are they going to feel that the one thing they love has just gone? Love is somthing powerfull, I know. But in ordwer to be loved, you need to know what love is all about. For one it starts with friendship and in time it will grow into somthing really special. Don't be afraid to talk about whats on your mind, all I ask is give me a chance to talk with you and who knows, maybe just maybe you'll find that friendship is much more than just lovers.