Self-revelation

*Note* This story is copied from my EP blog.

I have been gaining weight for the last ten years at a rate of approximately 8 lbs per year for a grand total of around 235 pounds. Over the years I have tried Weight Watchers, the Canada Food Guide, the Glycemic Index, a professional nutritionist, online health plans and my own version of "GET OFF YOUR *** AND WORK OUT" - all to no avail.

After taking a typically unreliable online personality quiz I feel as though I've had a mental breakthrough. It appears that I am AFRAID OF FAILURE and, being afraid of failure, I never stick to a plan long enough to see it work. Some honest soul searching has identified other aspects of my life in which I haven't followed through, likely for fear of failure.

I enjoy writing and have started dozens of stories and novels, dreaming that one day I will sell something to a publisher. I have never expected to write a best seller and become the next Stephanie Meyer or H.K. Rowling, just writing something good enough to be read by someone other than myself would be accomplishment enough for me. I haven't finished a single story since I was a teenager.

I used to be an engineer in the navy. I enjoyed being at sea, a lot, and I would have had one opportunity to run my own department then my sea time would be over. (That's just the way my career progression worked, EVERYONE gets only one tour at sea as the Head of the Engineering Department in the Canadian Navy.) Instead of waiting for my chance, I convinced myself that I hated working ashore too much to continue and I released before being offered my own ship. Between you and me, I know that I released early so that I wouldn't have to test myself at sea. What difference would it have made if I'd waited until AFTER my tour to release? It would only have been another year or two at a desk.

What do you think the chances are that this little piece of self-revelation will make the difference in my weight-loss? I guess we'll see if I get off my *** and go for a run tomorrow morning.
Alliya Alliya
31-35, F
1 Response Jul 14, 2010

Thanks for the advice. I haven't had my thyroid gland checked, but I also know that thyroid issues are fairly rare and can't imagine that I'd be lucky enough for it to be a medical issue.