Bleak Future

I never used to be worried about being old and alone but recently it has become a horrible nagging thought. I'm a 40 year old single male. I used to be married but my ex was a liar and a cheat. I threw myself into that marriage as I thought a man should. I moved away from home so she could be close to her family, I became part of that family and I set about buying a home for us to raise our own family. She left me massively in debt and friendless in an area I did not know. It's taken nearly a decade to rebuild my life, debt is cleared, mortage paid off and a new. albeit small, social life gained.

Problem is, although life, for the first time in years is fairly good right now,  I am well aware that my parents are getting older, that my new friends aren't real freinds that are there through the bad times and that in the future I will be very alone and lonely. To be honest (and I feel pathetic admitting this) it scares me. Especially my parents passing, once they are gone there is nobody left who is close to me and I will be entirely alone.

Sometimes I wonder how it became like this. 11 years ago I was holding a housewarming party. I remember getting up in the morning, my ex was asleep in bed, some close friends alseep in other rooms, my two brothers-in-law sprawled out on the sofa and I thought to myself, life is great. Just 6 months later it was all gone. Now, even though adjusted to living a much lesser life, I am well aware that what's left will disappear too.

I don't know how it came to the point where I can see myself as a sad, lonely old man. Even now, I write this on the internet as there is not one person it can be said to in real life.



Coffee71 Coffee71
36-40, M
3 Responses May 18, 2012

It is interesting what you've written about old age, and feeling alone. I am 65 disabled due to TBI and could'nt work to build equity. No close friends to associate with. All the connections I've had has been between us siblings all living in different part of the country, and elderly parent. who I give support. I should give it a thought now about how will I spend my old age. I always take an optimistic view. I volunteers in seniors homes, nursing homes which has been educating. I have been thinking of getting married which will help in old age.Point is who'd marry a disabled-not physical.

Hi there....I read your story as a single 41 year old female, never married no kids. I have a great social life but life is not complete. You need to get yourself out there, join walking groups.....extend your social circle. Be happy for you. I have given so much in previous relationships. Don;t rely on relationships, buikd friendships you can nurture. Perhaps women find this easier, they tend to like to talk more.<br />
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I've just come out of a year relationship but it wasnt right and I had to let go of somehting that was making me feel less special about me. Take care x

just have faith ,, you may meet someone who could understand and care for you ..:)