Im really afraid of growing up. I just want time to stop and just live my life now like it is, having my family around me without having to face the fact that I won't have this forever. It's really that I don't want to see my parents and family get old, like I look at my grandparents and think it was once that my parents were growing up and my grandparents were young and energized. But now there old and not the same and I can't bare the thought that one day my parents will be like that and won't be able to get up and be the same people they used to be. I'm really afraid of death more so in the ones I love than myself because I can't think that one day every one I love won't be here anymore but under the ground. And if I'm left Ill look back and go I wish I could go back to being a child and have them around me as a big family. I believe that I like the way my life is now and do not want to get any older. I always think that if I die first before anyone I loved grew up then it would be much easier knowing that the last I would see of them they would be ok and happy and I wouldnt have to live with a death. Can't we just live forever as life is so short and fragile. I think that my own death would be much easier that watching that of another loved one. I really don't want any one to grow up and see life change. I really don't know what to do.
9bru9 9bru9
13-15, F
1 Response Jan 7, 2013

Reading this sent a shiver down my spine as this is how i have felt my whole life. I am now 35 years old with 2 beautiful little girls and my feelings are worse than ever. I remember being 5 years old and sat crying on my mums bed that i was scared that one day they would die and i would be without them. I can only think you are exactly like me in your emotions as well, and are an extremely over sensitive person. Nothing wrong with that as such, except makes life one very difficult emotional rollercoaster. Now i have had my children, the thought that one day they will have to go through the pain of losing me, has made me not want and more children. i just wish i could have wrapped my life up at aged 16 when all my loved ones were still alive and lived in a bubble forever. Since then though i have had 2 beautiful girls and cannot imagine life without them. I have lost all my grandparents and more recently my dad. You wander how life can go on without these special people, but it does. Im sorry you feel so sad, i can 100% sympathise with your feelings. Remember life is good, death is part of life and hard, but people live on in your heart forever..big hugs susie xx