I've Had a Nasty Habit of Doing This...

By suicide attempts, Cheating, Leaving... none of these things I am proud of.  The pain I've felt after knowing I've hurt someone who is or once was dear to me is tremendous.  I've never meant to hurt people.  Things always seem to just sort of happen.  With the suicide attempts and leaving- I honestly felt as though people would have been better off without me, that it wouldn't have effected anyone.  With the cheating- I fell out of love with an ex, and started a new relationship before I had broken it off.  I didn't mean for that to happen... I guess I allowed it to happen.  I was just too afraid to break up.  I was a coward.  The pain I have caused people came back to me 10 fold.  I just hope I'm starting to break this habit by becoming more mature.  I never wanted to hurt anyone and I never want to hurt anyone again! 

BlueWhaleMeatMcFacer BlueWhaleMeatMcFacer
22-25, F
2 Responses Oct 3, 2008

i'm going through something like that right now. fell out of love with my fiance but don't have the courage to break it off. now everday i live a lie. we have a kid though, so i feel validated in trying to keep it together. he worships me and somehow that makes me loathe him more.

It is quite possibly one of the worst feelings in the world. I made the above mentioned ex CRY!? I felt like **** and cried about what I had done to him for a good month after he broke up with me. It's something I loath about myself.