27, going on 28. Yet, every day that I go out there to do my part as a human being, I am holding my breath in hoping the hungry lion won't come out of the bushes and rip me off to shreds.

Growing up always was a shy and insecure kid, I was bullied, neglected and somewhat abandoned. Yet, I always tried to be the best child I could be for my parents and for my family. I studied hard as I could, I went o college, get a degree, got a job, helping the family out. I have no one else, I love them, God knows I do. I'd swallow a burning coal for those people, but yet, I shed more tears because of them than because of anyone else.

But that's family. I'm not perfect either. But we stuck together in this terrible continuous storm, that is life.

Remember back then I would hide under my bed instead of going to school, because school was hell for me. mom & dad thought I went to school.

Most days now, I still feel like hiding under my bed instead of going to work. I have to stand straight, I have to talk loud and clear, I have to mimic charisma, I have to pretend courage. God knows, I'm shaking inside, I couldnt do this, but I must do it, because I have a family.

When we are born, our life was never meant for ourselves. It has always been (meant) for someone else. Only then is our existence is worth it--makes sense.

Waking up in this inescapable hell, you have to have a great front, a great emotional shield against the great wave of adversaries, that is life.

Some just surf the great wave and get along life just fine.

I think I'm one of those who's barely holding on a little twig, I dont think I can hold on any longer.

If there is God...no, there couldnt be..
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4 Responses Aug 18, 2014

I know sometimes we go on because we feel like we have to and not because we want to. But I want to tell you that your perseverance is admirable. You haven't given up before, so don't give up on yourself and life. I really wish that you find happiness and start living your life with a purpose.

I really loved this. Very relatable and you are a deliciously expressive writer BlueGlacier.

But holding on you are and twigs are usually attached to branches and branches are attached to bloody great trees.

I feel the same way. About the whole lion thing, I mean.