Fear

there are alot of things i am afraid of losing control of. when you let down the walls and let people in they see your fears. fear of losing controle of my self is scary. there are sometimes when i do things and i dont even realize its me doing them. when it comes to surpressed emotions like anger and jeliousy, im afraid of what i might do. Its not like me to hurt someone, and its not like me to want something of another. So when it happens i wonder, was that really me? and i realise, that that person, scares me. Im not violent and i dislike violence very much but part of me, is good at it, likes it, and its scary.

 

Then there is the part of me that knows it has no controle over some things. and i know that. but even when i try to change it, i still know but cant help but try. im afraid of not having control over the future, my future, where im headed who im going to be with... and its like im walking into a black cloud, im moving ahead but i dont know where to. im lost in the presant, no idea of where im going but know where i want to be. im afraid sometimes. control is one of those.

DarkAmber DarkAmber
18-21, F
Mar 1, 2010