I fear making a mistake, and losing him somewhere along the way. I won't realize I lost him, and he may not tell me his discontent. Communication would become trivial, and he would grow to dislike me. Soon, we would argue and grow even more distant. And in that distance, he would find someone else.

What scares me the most is the pain you get in the pit of your stomach. The feeling of wanting to vomit when you realize you've been replaced.
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1 Response Jul 21, 2015

If you are afraid of marriage then you are not yet ready for marriage. It may simply be because you have not yet found the right person. It also may be because you are still learning about who you are and therefore are not yet ready to learn about someone else to the level it takes to succeed in a marriage.

My wife and I married young, I was 21, she was 20. Neither of us were ready for marriage and we made a LOT of mistakes. We now have been married for 42 years -- because both of us have been too stubborn to give up and end it. In other words, when communications and compromise failed, we persevered. The other things we have done over the years is forgive one another when one of us failed.

Just a bit of advice -- Most marriages are a result of "passion," not love. Passion is our body's chemical, hormonal response to someone to whom we are physically and sexually attracted. Unfortunately, passion seldom lasts more than about three or four years. Love is something else entirely and usually begins with common interests, common values, and friendship.

In any relationship you hope to take to another level, focus on the commonalities and the friendship. Its okay to allow the passion to grab you and drag you along, as long as you don't allow passion to cloud your judgement and force you into a relationship that is otherwise empty.

Most importantly, do not rush. Take your time and use your head as well as your heart when you pick your spouse.

Not so much hard work as self-discovery. It also helps to have other people who have been there before you give you their perspectives. Not saying that my perspective is "right," only that it is another perspective based on my experience.