Like 2pretty4this, I love my mother dearly. Always have, always will. She's getting older now. The big 60 is coming up this year and I'll be 20 years old then. Her health concerns the ever living crap out of me. The severe form of arthritis, very poor circulation, her veins keep busting, her memory is getting worse, she's smoked since she was 21 and the good thing is she's skinny and well fit.
She suffers currently from slipping ribcage syndrome and I'm going to make her go to the doctor as soon as I find the Group Health appointment number. It's severely painful and she can barely breathe or move.
She's worked very hard all her life and she's very tired. I'm concerned for her health. Her mortality seems to be catching up and too soon. I would like it if she lived to at least the 80's or 90's. I'd be astounded and very happy if she lived past a 100.
So, I'm scared, anxious, apprehensive. I don't feel ready to let go of my mother. I know where she will go when she dies, no doubt in my mind there, but I'm just afraid of not having her to talk to and I'm afraid of the pain it will cause when I miss her dearly.
That's what death is to me. The absence of a person you once knew and cherished.
So, I've got to make myself take care of her better, make all our times good ones and tell drama to take a hike. I want to sit back when I'm 40/50 and say to myself, "Mom and I had good times, very good ones." and hardly remember the bad ones.