My Dark Side

I have a lot of dark thoughts. Most of them are the self-destructive ones-suicide and self-harm. They are constant and strong. Usually I try to keep myself busy so that I can block them out for a while. When I am alone and have nothing to do, they always creep back into my mind. Especially when I lie in bed awake after midnight and wake up in the morning, I feel so fragile that I can’t keep my mind off them.

 

I also have thoughts of attacking someone from time to time. I get angry very easily. When I feel like this, I want to punch or kill the one who ****** me off, like I thought about stabbing my ex-boyfriend in the heart because he cheated on me and broke my heart and shooting my stepfather's kids  in the head while they were asleep because they made fun of my mental illness and made my life more miserable. Usually I don’t show my anger in front of people. I just walk away and take it out on other things or myself. So far I haven’t physically hurt anyone I hate, but I still get annoyed by these thoughts because I am afraid I might do something I would regret someday.

 

SomewhereTomorrow SomewhereTomorrow
18-21, F
1 Response Aug 27, 2009

Agreed with Arynno, something this heavy shouldn't be left alone, you need to talk about this with someone who is a professional. These kind of thoughts can quickly degenerate into actions, the kind you will come to regret. And you are worth it.