Or Maybe I Already Have Been...?

Greetings, my EP friends! Grab yourself a glass of wine and pull your chair a little closer. I'm a little short of cash this week, so I'm gunning for a little free therapy. And you're one of the lucky ones who gets to be an analyst-in-training for the night.

I met someone several years back. Met her online, in fact. In a "chat room", back when they had such nonsense. It was just lines and lines of sentences going by, and sometimes someone would say something that caught your eye and you'd do your best to get their attention. After weeks and weeks of seeing the same folks online, you'd fall in love, have wonderful cybersex and often break up on the same night. Yes, teh Intarwebz were strange back then...

Anyway, I happened to catch the fancy of a woman one evening, and it actually grew into all kinds of communication, from usenet chats to emails and phone calls to the eventual "IRL" (In Real Life) meeting. After some time, she moved to my location and we lived together, and then got married, and 10 years later the culmination; divorce.

All through this time, I had a feeling there was some ulterior motive. I mean, this girl was HOT,she had a smokin' body, she could have had anyone. But she married me. Slightly overweight, steady hair loss, somewhat dark and moody. She did everything I wanted to do, saw every concert I wanted to, never questioned a financial decision no matter how ill-advised. She never turned me down in bed, knew what my favorite meal was and cooked it often, was a better mother to my son than his real mother.

Enter, "the other woman"... Well, to be fair, "the other woman" was my best friend in high school. At one of our regular meetings where no spouses ever attended, she happened to show up one night. Hadn't seen her in 25 years, and it was like, BLAMMO! We both knew before the night was over that we were destined to be together.

As time went on, I ended up drifting closer to "the other woman" and further from my wife. After the divorce, I dedicated myself to this woman. I gave her every bit of my love, unconditionally. I wanted to spend the rest of my life with her. And then it started. She wanted me to keep my hair short. She wanted me to limit my online presence, because she is a very important person at a very large company and couldn't be linked to someone with my "dark side". She wanted me to drive to her house more, because she worked 70 hard hours per week and I had a mediocre and less important job. Anytime we argued, I was wrong and she was right. I was forced to apologize for everything I did even if I didn't feel I did anything wrong, because "if it hurts my feelings then you should apologize." When the shoe was on the other foot, she wouldn't apologize unless she was truly sorry. Yet when I told her she was a hypocrite, she scoffed at me.

So now, after argument #200 she has decided she will not even speak to me. My former best friend since I was 14, my lover, the person I loved unconditionally.

And I'm left wondering; why did I do it? Why didn't I stay with the person who loved ME unconditionally. Will I ever find that love again?

That, my friends, is the eternal question.

And on that note, I'm going to put High Fidelity in the ole' DVD player. My all-time top 5 break-up movie. :o)

(If you've seen the movie, you'll get that last line)

Xanadu7 Xanadu7
41-45, M
Nov 15, 2010