Written on May 8th, 2011
I don't know what's wrong with me. I could probably be truly loved if I felt I deserved it. I guess I don't really believe I am worthy of love. I keep dating people I know will hurt me. I pick people who have issues and then hang on. I can't save them, hell I can't even save myself! Sometimes I think I do it just to feel sorry for myself. It's like I'm a heartbreak addict and I need a fix of it to get me by. I don't think its impossible to be truly loved, as much as it is a refusal to be. If I can't love myself then why would I let anyone else do it? The part I feel hopeless about is changing it. I have always been like this, how do I change something so deeply ingrained into my identity? Do I have the will to change? Can I? I feel like the answer is no. I am hoping I will just find the right person to change that, unfortunately I know that change is only achieved by me.