If Anyone Has Insight On This Issues, Anything, I Could Really Use Some Input..

It's so obvious right now to me, as clear as the nose on my face, why have I never noticed before? Have I always been like this or maybe it's just progressively getting worse? Where the Fcck is this going to leave me in 10 yrs or tomorrow? I am..well very scared right now? I don't want a life where I am living in perpetual fear.
Today it finally dawned on me that I am afraid of people, this came to me when I got home from my morning routine. I have always known that I was a bit of a hermit and that I can tend to avoid people, but this feeling of sickness came over me when I was thinking about all the people I had to meet with (many) after my week in Canada. The secretary at work left a message and a text, (need some info for an up load) and I had a feeling of dread come over me. Then the office manager had left a "you need to get hold of me" about some details type email, just sickness. A client, same shtuff?
Not really having to but, pick up my surf board, huh not really wanting too, the building manager, people at the golf course, my neighbours whom I like, my friend that I brought cigars back for, absolutely stressed out at the thought of seeing any of them?
I actually thought (until today) that the reason I ripped at my cuticles to the point of swollen infections on both sides of the nail on every finger up to the first knuckle was the neurotic side of me...but now I am seriously thinking that I do it cause I am absolutely terrified? Why have I never noticed before today?
It feels like I have done something wrong (a nonspecific guilty feeling) or it's going to get confrontational? I have been watching this show on obsessive compulsive behaviour and I felt sorry for these people, but never thought in a million years that I could be one? Am I? I know that I am a bit weird and I except this in me, but I am truly upset about this.
I know that they force (on this OCD show)these people out of their comfort zones to face the issues/fears head on, this seems to be the long short of every solution. But I felt absolutely sick today when I tried, looking back I now see a pattern of this type of behaviour, but why?
I wished today that I was selling my condo and leaving on a sail boat...anywhere, when it hit me, I felt sick having to go back to Canada too? I feel like this all the fccking time?
I am truly upset today, honestly I use to criticize people with issues and someone with as many as me, I would flat out shake my head and say suck it up? I am quite simply devastated.
Two days ago I wrote about how I was only going to write about the positives the experiences that are working for me. I know why I don't have a girlfriend now, I am afraid that I might never have one. I am afraid that I am turning into some eccentric lunatic who might be alone for ever.
Anyway, I can talk to people, actually most think I am hysterical, when I can get there.
I get uncomfortable in large groups.
I could stay indoors for days if I had the supply's, although I don't.
It's even with friends and family.
Good news or bad doesn't seem to matter, I don't want to hear it?
Once I am out and about I seem to be a bit better, but if I see someone I know, i can tend to shy away, but will force a hello so I don't offend anyone.
And of course I just will not speak to women.
I do okay on line, but I still have trouble reaching out.
If this sounds familiar to anyone I would certainly appreciate any advise on how to coup preferably concur, but would settle for a person who knew someone that knows someone with the similar issues. LOL kidding, I am sincerely lost right now.
mgtour mgtour
36-40, M
3 Responses Jul 21, 2010

i read your story and the only thing that i have to say is that i had an epiphany as i was trying to sleep that i, too, am afraid of people. that's why i searched for this group today. i really am at a loss at what i am going to do about it. i do believe that i am a step forward having figured it out and admitting it-- for what it's worth.

I know the answer to Your question. I was exactly like You, I still haven't FULLY recovered, but now I know for sure the way to do it and I'm constantly better from this method. Just watch this YouTube talk below. Don't be judgemental about it - I was very sceptical at first - it might seem strange at first but this man says the truth.<br />
<br />
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L0ns8cSv7c8&feature=related<br />
<br />
Start from this video and go on to the others. I could answer Your question personally, but<br />
Burt (that's His name) talks about it the best way. I found all the answers to my social<br />
phobia (and all the other fears and painful emotions) on His movies.<br />
<br />
Good luck. :)

I'm sorry you are lost...but glad that you have owned up to your fear, probably this is just the first step in you overcoming it...so good luck! I want to see you get everything you want from life and more...and I believe that you can overcome your fear if you want to.