Not Really Interested, Money Matters...

I am 35 been married about 4 years. I told my husband during our courtship that I didn't wasn't kids. He must have thought that some feminine emotion would eventually take over and change my mind. Well uh no. I would be perfectly happy to never have kids. I look at it as a job I do not want to apply for that doesn't pay you-but costs you instead. The people who try to incourage me to have kids despite my financial concerns are all married to rich guys. So their opinions don't count because they are already a good place financially. I feel like aside from the physical concerns ( I have scoliosis and don't know if I would be a candidate for an epidural) my concerns are monetary and career related. I know my husband will continue to work as normal but, I will have to stop for a time and take on 99% of the child care responsibilities. I grew up with a helper (or nanny). If I can't at the least have what I had growing up I am not interested. Maybe if the funds were there I'd feel more at ease about the whole thing. I just started a business that is quite taxing financially. My husband has been supportive but, I am sure his patience is running thin. So sooner or later the pressure to have kids will start up again. His grandmother, who is more like a mother to him, has stated that I will never be a woman until I have kids. I know this is an archaic 1950's point of view and reflective of when she started her family. I personally do not have my self worth as a woman wrapped up in whether or not I have kids. I must say I am somewhat envious of women who are at ease and finacially settled enough to transition into that next stage of life. I however, am simply not feeling it. At given my age, I feel like that change of outlook needs to happen already. This is even upsetting our sex life. I was on the pill but had to get off of it as it was killing my sex drive and making intercourse painful. But now my husband gets upset when I ask him to use a condom (when I am ovulating) as a precaution. He turns into a teenage boy who asks me to "trust him". Unfortunately my fertility cycle has nothing to do with my trust for him. Anyway, EVER time I request a condom he pouts, complains that the mood is lost and I have to coach him back into the mood. I think if we won the lottery tomorrow I would be ok with conceiving. But as things stand I am not interested and am concerned that this will eventually cause problems-even though I fully disclosed my lack of interest when we met. Comments, advise anyone?
Youhavethemgrandma Youhavethemgrandma
31-35, F
Sep 10, 2012