I Know I'm Perpetually Late But Cut Me Some Slack!

I'm usually late for everything.  Work, school, projects, dates, deadlines, etc, I've always been late.  That's why it never really concerns me too much when I'm late for a period.  It's part of my DNA, I suppose.  But 2 weeks?  I know I've put off schoolwork longer, but this is my body.  And I know that I've been as late as 4 months before.  Just not within the last 5 years.

I read that if you quit taking your birth control, then you may have something like this could happen.  But I've been off it since around Christmas.  That was almost 5 months ago now.  I figured if it was going to happen, it would've come to pass already.  I've taken 3 tests and they've all come out negative.  I'm still not convinced.

I'm in panic mode.  There is no way that a baby fits into this picture at all.  I don't want to be a mother for at least five more years.  Ten tops.  I'm just getting started with my life.  I'm attempting to close the deal on a full-time position while working retail part time.  That doesn't even give me enough money to support myself.  My fiance makes even less than I do.  Financially, a baby would be impossible. 

Our house isn't finished yet.  There is still a lot of work and money that need to be invested in it before it's even good enough for us to inhabit.  This is not a place I would even be able to have a baby.  Not at all.

Forgot those things.  They are fixable in a 9 month period of time.  Those two things are possible but not probable.  What about my personal mental state?  I am not mature enough to handle a child.  I am too selfish and stupid right now.  I make bad decisions.  I enjoy my private time entirely too much.  I like myself as a singular being and am very against giving that up.  And my fiance and I hardly get along well enough to be parents.  I am not yet growing up myself, how can I raise a child?

I've seen what happens when some people have children before they're ready.  It's not pretty.  I don't want to neglect my children.  I don't want them to have to raise themselves.  I don't want them to ever have to go without because I simply don't make enough to cover everything.  Until my relationship is permenant, I don't want to have children at all.  I would hate to have a child grow up without both parents present in it's life.

Most of all, I'm scared that it's going to happen before I'm ready.  I want to live my life before I partially give myself up to another.

Then there's the whole physical aspect to pregnancy.  I've done morning sickness before (I miscarried).  It was agonizing.  I was tired and miserable.  The mood swings were awful.  Then there's the expanding.  I already have issues with my outward appearence and I can't imagine what pregnancy would do to that.  I don't want to ache, I feel that way enough already.  Then there's the incredibly awfulness of birth.  I've heard it's terrible pain. 

I'll pass, for now.

(Note to self: Must get back on the pill.)

theophania theophania
22-25, F
3 Responses May 11, 2007

I'm glad you're not pregnant, and it sounds like this is working out for you. Do you mind if I ask why you went off the pill in the first place? I ask because I'm under pressure to go on the pill, even though I don't need it for birth control, and I don't want to. I am curious about other people's reasons and experiences going off the pill, and hope to figure some of this out for myself.

I'm not pregnant. I've taken four tests in the last two weeks and all are abundantly negative. I mean it's not even like they're questionable. It's a big strong line that says that I'm not. I want to get back on the pill, but I don't have the cash right now. Next week I'll try to hit the clinic.

You should of never left the pill in my opinion. Well one thing you should do is go see the doctor if you are not sure if you are pregnant or not. You may want to not have any you know what till you are on the pill again. Well I hope you are not pregnant for your sake and if you are there is always adoption. If you know you can't do this, it may be the best way.