And that is why I am not the best woman I could be.There is someone always younger,more attractive,more intelligent,more stable than you.
Does love even exist?Love is selfless but I see nothing selfless in the relationships around me.All I see are fair exchanges of qualities and actions.Fair because I am thinking of functional relationships.
Is this really all there is to it?
Where is the part that when you love someone your two separate beings meld into one?Where is the self-sacrifice?The want to bear witness to somebody's life,observe it from the moment you meet to the point of the eternal farewell? I observe the world around me and all I see is that I have been living a big lie for all my childhood.
People expect from you always more and continue to stay with you until they suck your last droplets of life.Everyone is feeling that they settle for less,when they get with a person who is less than perfect (everyone!).They will say i.e''oh s/he is so X but I only wish she was more of Y''.And I am not talking about wishes of self-improvement.
Wishing for the one you love to be the best s/he can be,I believe is the ultimate form of love.What people forget is,that people will always fall down and that you must be down there for them,to help them land safely.
My greatest wish is to give bliss to the one that I desire.My bliss is only that one person will return a look full of hapiness.But that is only a childish dream.
The years will pass me,I won't be able to do that for long.My body will be worn out and I will need somebody to hold me and reassure me that all is well.
On the other hand,my greatest fear is the moment when I'll see in that person's eyes the reflection of longing.Longing for somebody better,daydreams of a better life.Those are the dreams that will kill me.
I am very sorry but I am all that I can give.
22-25, F
Aug 28, 2014