Do You Believe In Karma?

Do you sometimes yearn to be ultra-violent?

I hope this doesn't get your knickers up in a twist.
What I mean is that you watch an event unfold in front of you and the reaction you have is one that seems to push you towards a need to be violent?

For me, i seem to live inside my head - or rather I share my body with another part of me that is kept hidden and repressed.

I ask myself why there's so much senseless violence and if it makes any sense to join the fray?

Is it the instinct to survive or something darker?

I am held back because I fear retribution - it is at once my salvation as well as my doom...

I have come face to face with this beast within and have had to work hard to keep its cages closed...

I don't like what I could become and it seems to be closer surface than I thought.

Story to illustrate my point:

About three weekends ago - a Saturday morning to be precise, I and a friend of mine were on our way to a mechanic...

In my part of the world - every driver is a  lunatic,  so you can imagine my level of bile when this bus driver makes a sudden and unannounced stop for disembarking passengers in the center a busy road and then without warning tries to drive away.

The result - he bashes my friend's car...
In my country - insurance is none existent, right and wrong is settled personally...

I lose my head...

I'm out of the car - on the bonnet of my friend's car, trying to pull the guy out of the window of his bus... I slap him around a couple of times, and slap him around some more...

Why? the frustration, the anger and the years of pent up bottled emotion that has to be swallowed time and time again...

But then while all this is happening, I ask myself - what if the wheels of fate suddenly spin and I ultimately become the loser?

what then?

I'm still asking this question - if you have any answer please feel free to share them...
PHATPRICK PHATPRICK
26-30, M
Apr 4, 2007