I am afraid of sex, but for different reasons than most. I am not a virgin. Someone fed me lies when I was vulnerable, and took my virginity. He was supposed to be my friend... lucky someone walked in on it.. apparently he doesn't like protection.... I didn't find that out untill the second time he tried.. he's a powerful guy.. and started to use that to his advantage... but I told him to stop. I'm lucky he did. Those are the only two times I have ever had sex. Neither time was "finished"... but I'm glad. I want the experience to be better. I am very open to the idea of sex.... I.. umm.. this is kind of embarrasing to say... ********** alot.. so I know that I'll like sex.... I just don't want to have sex with the wrong person again. And I'm afraid that it will be the same mess it was before. I don't so much fear sex itself... but I fear the consequences and not being right and/or smart about it. What if its the wrong guy again? What if people see me as easy? I want the next time to be right. I want it to feel... amazing... Not many people like me though... but they don't really try to get to know me, either... I gaurentee I'm going to be a bit of a nympho... but finding a person who is right for me seems like its going to be hard... pardon the pun...  I don't want to make another stupid mistake... that is probably what I fear the most... Hopefully, though, I won't be afraid to get close to someone again... I fear getting hurt again... so its hard to close.. but I get close to someone so easily it seems... I want to have sex again... but I want it to be right. So, I do fear sex... but for a completely different reason than you'd think... I hope I won't be stupid next time...
PoeticRejection PoeticRejection
22-25, F
4 Responses Jul 14, 2007

Thank you, very much, for you comments. Lucid, I hope you're right. =]

That does sound like rape, it is a very good thing he stoped.<br />
And about "What if its the wrong guy again?" but you didn't choose him now did you? You knew that this guy wasn't the guy you wanted to be with. So when you do meet a guy you want to be with , you'll know it's right. You can't let one guy ruin sex for you. I'm sorry that happened to you. <br />
You'll meet him, the right guy. And it will be amazing. :)

Oh my god. I mean serious I've simiar things from girls I know who've been in the same situation. This is rape I just a different spieces or what? I'm always of the believe if someone doesn't say yes then they mean "NO!" You should realise you have some serious power over these men. Women really do have all the power in the world and if you don want to do something with someone you really shouldn't. The guy from above sounds like a complete **** (pardon the British pun). Seriously though take your time get to know a guy. It takes me about 3 months before i feel I know someone enough to 'make love' to them. And I'm a guy. Ok ok there's other things before this which is great it all works to build up the tension any how but in particualar the first time you really have sex and should be comfortable with someone you love and someone you feel you can really trust. Your gonna have to control yourself until then but from the sounds of things you know to do that. :p

Coming from me, this is a bit strange, but if it is the right person or mot it doesn't matter. My standards might be a bit higher though. I can say that, for me, the number of people that you sleep with doesn't matter. If I do one day find a lucky lady, I won't care what her number is. I'm sure it will be a lot less than 6 billion.