I Can't Have Sex

Hello,

I have been reading a lot of your stories and feel comfort in them just because I don't feel so alone.  I am a 22 year old female who has been in a relationship with my boyfriend for over three years.  I have not had sex with him yet, and I am completely petrified of it.  He is a very sexual person, always making jokes, comments, not rudely or antyhign.  He is the sweetest most patient person and said he would wait until I am ready.  I do not know when I am ready.  I would rather have it just happen than have to initiate  anything, because I am too afraid to.  I freak out and can't get close when it comes to sexual activities.  This is not normal to have with a person I am in love with and I do not feel comfortable talkign to a therapist about this.  I am embarassed and think I am a waste because of it :(

run22 run22
22-25
3 Responses Mar 13, 2009

i am glad that your boyfriend has been very understanding, and i do hope he remains so. it takes a great deal of self-control to refrain from pushing someone too far if the other has more experience. the important thing is to continue to let him know what you are and are not comfortable with. if you stretch your comfort zone gradually, it will very likely enable you to gain comfort with your own body and physicality in itself. i would caution you though, because allowing things to "just happen" can truly be a source of grief and regret if you are not mentally prepared. do take the time to truly consider your standing regarding sex before you consent to anything- particularly if you are prone to giving in or find it hard to refuse him things. i say this only because it is very easy in a situation where one person has more experience than the other for the less experience person to place their feelings aside and allow the other to guide them places they may not be prepared for. keep communication clear, take things slowly. please believe me, it does NOT matter what is considered "normal" by others, this relationship belongs to you and your boyfriend, and only the two of you can determine what will be best for both of you.

Well thankfully I'm not the only one then, I haven't had s*ex for over 2 years with my much loved bf.<br />
<br />
We did at first but then I went off it totally. But before I met him I was sl*eeping with anyone and everyone. Figure THAT one out.

you arent alone i just found out that this girl i knew who is 23 i always just thought she was a **** is a virgin. they are out there...