I Am Afraid of Sex.los

 I don't know when it happened. When I was twelve, I saw my first ****. It looked like it felt good, and I couldn't wait to try. I had decided to lose my virginity when I was sixteen. But as I grew closer to that age, the thought seemed more and more eerie. At fourteen, I couldn't even bring myself to allow my boyfriend at the time to put his tongue in my mouth. Though I got over that, I never was able to get over my fear of sex. About a week before my seventeenth birthday, a good guy friend of mine offered sex as a birthday present. I figured 'why the hell not?' and went over to his house. But I wasn't comfortable the whole time. I couldn't relax which made the minimal penetration very painful. I had to ask him to stop.

I really have no idea why I'm so afraid. I wasn't sexually abused, sex was never a taboo subject in my home, and my sex-ed class in middle and high school was actually sex-ed. Not abstinence-only nonsense. I just...really don't know.

Right now, I'm nineteen, and have been with my boyfriend for almost a year. We've done some sexual things. I performed oral on him even though it grosses me out (it wasn't forced nor did he try to persuade me). But I still feel no need or want to have sex. I don't even get horny. Nothing.

I'm not ashamed of being a virgin still at nineteen (The one time with my friend, he barely got the head of his penis in. I still consider myself a virgin), but I just feel so weird when my friends talk about sex. I just feel rather...left out, and wishing I could figure out why I am so deeply afraid of having sex.

Xepher09 Xepher09
18-21, F
3 Responses Mar 17, 2009

Hey Xephor09<br />
I know exactly what you mean. On the one hand, it seems like a great experience, on the other it seems painful and draining. I want that raw passion and desire I have seen in so many of my friends and in the media, but thinking about it or even getting close to really doing it is frightening. I have been with my only boyfriend for close to 2 years. Before I met him, I was really jealous and irritated by all the sexual activity going on around me; as soon as I got with him, that all stopped. Now I don't want it at all. He's not bad looking, and I love spending time with him. But just thinking about having sex, not even with him or anyone specifically, is irritating and frightening. I have had sex with him a few times, and it is still not much better. Some of the other people on here say it takes time to get used to it sometimes, so maybe just taking it slow and waiting for the right time is all we need. At least I know and you know that we're not the only ones out there. I also agree with ygigglebug, too many people are taking sex too lightly; virginity should not be a bad thing, even for men. Keep it as long as you can or want! And, you may not be ready. In fact, I may not either still. Lol. We just have to hang strong and do what we feel is right. Best of luck!<br />
CG

Simple: You're not ready! :) and that's ok. Don't be ashamed of being a virgin. Did you know that 60% of high school seniors have had sex? In my mind, that's too many. Where are the morals? the Love? the privacy and modesty? being a virgin isn't a bad thing. being a virgin is a good things, so that when the perfect person and the perfect time come along, you have your whole self to give to them without the past experiences flooding your mind. Embrace the fact your still a virgin and don't be ashamed. :) my best wishes.

Simlar things happened to me too when i lost my virgnity....it was very painful to have a penis inside me and even s few years down the line it can still be uncomfortable. hold in there hun sure it will get better!