At A Huge Crossroads

At this moment I am very confused about what path or road to take on my life journey.  My entire life has been one been plan by someone else so I've been used to just coasting along without a true plan or even great understanding of what I want or even truly like to do.  I really didn't have any dreams as a kid and the one dream of becoming a dancer is kind of out of the question right now because I don't like it so much as to make it a job but it's supposed to be a fun thing and it's not much anymore.  

Right now I am stuck in between a situation where either choice just feels again like I"m trying to coast through.  I am in financial straights at the moment because I love my job where I moved for only 6 months and now am back where I like the area.  There is still the matter of where to live and if I want to also live with my best friedn and sometimes I think he's my soul maate...Maybe he's just the only guy thjat I can live with and get along with like i have.  We have so much in common, we can talk about anything but there isn't that spark there for me.  There have been sparks with other guys but that goes away during the sex.  With him, the sex is great but when Im around him theres just something keeping me from it.  Maybe I just think we both need to become more independent but im afraid of being apart from him and moving on with my own life.  The reason is is because I just graduated college as well as just got out of the National guard of which I was a member for 8 years and neither one of those ventures was truly because I wanted to .  I did it for my dying father and my mother so now I just don't know what I want my future to hold and it's difficult to truly get up and say, "this is my life and I will control it." ( Will write more, but am getting tired.  Pretty much, I am just stuck trying to understand myself and my situations...Does anyone have any stories or suggestions of the same nature if this is actually enough to write anything based upon)
jenndanzer jenndanzer
26-30, F
Apr 6, 2011