Maria65

I have found it very comforting to read others stories and know that they share this fear.  My own anxiety is sometimes crippling to me, although I try to hard hide it.   I'm not usually afraid of groups of of meeting new people and my anxiety about people hating me is a little more specific.  I am just very afraid that people I like, love or respect will not like, love or respect me.  

This anxiety makes me so sad and miserable because I truly think the people in my life are good people.   I am constantly afraid that I am going to or have done something wrong--either knowingly or unknowingly--or made some kind of mistake that will cause them to hate me.  Often this is a minor thing--having to say 'no' to them or maybe not being able to follow through on something I would have liked to have done for them.  More significant things are even harder.  I am afraid if things don't go perfectly for them and I am involved in any way, even to a very small degree, they will start hating me.  I then often have OCD behaviors trying to control the anxiety and situation to make it 'not happen', but this does not really resolve the anxiety.  The only thing that does resolve the anxiety for a bit is to see or talk to the person in question and to realize that things are all right, if this is possible.  But I will inevitably start again with another problem and another person or have more anxiety about the same person.  The fear is alway real and even now I'm worried that by sharing my fear I will be making things worse for me and make someone hate me.  But I am anxious and unhappy right now, and I feel compelled to talk about it, too.

The other thing that bothers me about this fear is that I think it makes me a weak person.  I wish I didn't care so much about this, but I do and it really bothers me.  I try to hide it but sometimes I can't and need to talk to someone I trust and then I am worried I am driving the people I confide in away from me.  I realize the solution has to come from inside me and have started therapy and also trying to work on my spiritual life too, but I can't always keep up with it and despair sometimes of making any real progress.

Thanks to everyone who wrote and shared because it makes me feel a little less lonely in my problem.  And thank you to anyone in the world who has taken the time to read this.  
maria65 maria65
41-45
Jul 19, 2010