It Was Raining And Everything ...

My little sister has had her license for about a year, I just got mine this summer. We're supposed to share her car, an old '93 Saab hand-me-down from our older brother (more rust than car). So she takes me out to learn to drive a manual. I break the car. I'm not talking stall it too many times or kill the battery or even run into anything. We're going around and we start hearing a scraping sound. The exhuast had fallen off and was laying on the ground. We got it into the driveway but couldn't push it up the hill to the garage so we propped blocks of wood at the back tire to keep it from rolling away. I went inside and began crying. It was raining and everything. How can she not hate me after that.
I don't like being around people, sometimes I even think I'm social phobic. My parents are alchaholic perfectionists that don't beleive me when I tell them I'm suffering from stuff like this. I take medication recomended by a spychiatrist. I even lose energy to do anything. I tell myself that I can change, stop being so forcefull one minute without any purpose or direction, then so mousy and repressed the next. I say I can stand up for myself some day. I can someday take care of myself, lose the excess 100 lbs hanging off my gut. But I keep remembering people giving me awkward looks, laughing at what I'm saying in honesty, and taking my jokes seriously. They tell me I have an atitude problem. I've been sent home from work for it. My brother says it's fun to push my buttons. All I want half the time is to be left alone. The rest of the time I wish I knew what I was doing, or even what I've done wrong for this to happen.
4Daereen 4Daereen
18-21, F
Jul 23, 2010