Mere Exsistence

From what most people tell me I am a cute girl. From what I can see sometimes, my face is decent but I don't know about my personality? I do not like when boys touch me in a way I don't feel safe. I eventually start to get more aggressive and I am sometimes told that I am being to cold. When ever i look around I see all my friends and even strangers (females) having close relationships with boys. I envy those close relations but i can't seem to have anyone I'm interested in. Many boys that I like are either not in the same building as me or they either have their eyes set on another girl. I sometimes feel as if I'm not viewed as agirl but simply as another one of them. Recently I got asked out by a boy that I was nice to one time. I guess he took it to heart and though that I liked in a way. I don't like turning down guys because if someone that I liked turns me down, I'd feel pretty awkward and depressed. Mostly my self-esteem would gradually go down hill, but since I was raised to keep my head up, I never had a problem with such thing. I also sometimes think that people consider me of what they call easy. I do not like that. I like to be a strong, independent, and very out going. So far, many girls accept the way I am, but when I see them, they change around boys. I like to make joke and I'm quite funny, but some girls act up. An example would be, if a boy calls my name and I am with a friend, she automatically thinks that the boys wanted her attention and they both ignore me thus going into their own little world. I sometimes try to examine the way they act but I see a small difference. Physical Contact with people that they barely know. I despise touching one another in ways or trying to act like a woman when you should be enjoying your self as a kid. Its a waste of life, but i guess i am the only one who thinks that way. I just want to see if I am the only one who thinks this way.
Lundabi Lundabi
13-15, F
1 Response Dec 5, 2012

Im a guy who is also scared to end up alone.I am new to this and it sucks because im sick and my doctors tell me to wait a month to test causes i tested to early and it came out negative. i sweat at night i have that damn and it agony, and im beating myself up. We can beat ourself to the end of time our time, or start living life ha...