Married, But Never More Alone

I have been married or two years, I also have a two year old son and a baby on the way. I have a best friend who was my soul mate, and a plethora of siblings. My best friend recently deided I was no longer meeting her needs as a companion. The next day my husband decided I was no longer welcome in his life. I took my son and returned to my parents' home. They had to help one of my sisters with legal problems today. Before they left I overheard my father say that if they cancelled on her she would blame me. The tone of his voice, pity I suppose, made me sick. My own grandmother won't have anything to do with me and has been trying to make trouble in my life for some time now. I can tell my mother is reluctant to have me in her home, but where else can I go? My dad is the only one who wants to help me, but I arrogantly don't want help. I never thought I was a bad person, but obviously I missed something along the way. No good person should be exiled in this way. I know Jesus was perfect and people hated him, but I'm not Jesus. I am a normal girl trying to figure out where I went wrong. Nobody wants me, and I can't help fearing that my children will one day leave me, too. I understand that I am young and tides change so on and so forth. My tides are simply changing for the worst. Should I change who I am to please those around me, or should I wait for someone to come along that sees the beauty in my flaws (if it so exists). As stadfast as I have always been, I am tempted to change myself. Maybe it's better to be loved than to be headstrong and unwavering, pardon my redundancy. I need to figure out if I am truly happy with who I am or if I am better off becoming what theywant me to be. I don't want to be alone.
motherofzeno motherofzeno
18-21, F
4 Responses Dec 5, 2012

Hey sister in Christ. Remember no matter what don't give up on your faith. A season of life brings you closer to Him, who formed you in your mother's womb. Who called you out of the darkness and into the light for the glory set before you. Be thankful for these lonely times, that allow you to be intimate with your heavenly Father. Cause I'm tellin you I am in some lonely times now and I was reminded by a post to be thankful for them as they can by choice bring you closer to Our Lord Jesus Christ. Get into the word my friend. Cry out to the one who excepts us for where we are now and sees the potential in us for the future

(Somewhat old story by the time of my comments).
Perhaps, and hopefully there is a happy medium, some change is probably in order and some of who you are. I hope things have changed for the better.

No one wants to be alone. Things change sometimes for the better. Hang in there. Eventually things will straighten out. Go to school, and love your child. Do the best you can do and stay focused on your goals. You deserve the best, so go for it, girl friend!

What flaws? you were married and he left. That was his choice and your friend she left too. Not meeting her needs? Sounds like to me they did you a favor thought the timing could be better. What kind of man leaves his wife who already has one child with one on the way? Your family actually blames you for others decisions? Really? I'd love to thier background. They should be supportive and your grandmother she is a real piece of work. I really believe in respect of elders but respect is a two way street. I wouldn't hold anything back and tell her right off and where she can go! Please don''t even tell me these are religious people? From what you wrote you don't have any flaws, those people left you. I believe in compromise, but as far as change no! be who are and don't hold back your feelings..your family is supposed to be there and help you, thats thier responsability, just like someday you might be able to them. I mean if your family can't help you, whats the point of evening having them? Things have for a reason good and bad your long overdue for good hang in there, we all have friends who leave us when we need them the most, it shows thier true colors better to find out now..It will get better, you won't always be alone..hang in there..Hopefully your ex 's family will be there to help you too if they have any heart and soul, those kids are part of his family too. Kinda of strange how your best friend and husband bailed on you the same time? Anything going on there?

Thanks for the encouragement! I needed some positive words. My husband and I are working it out. He manned up a bit for his kids and for me. No there was nothing between him and my friend. He dislikes her, and I think she hates him. You're right, though. She showed her true colors by choosing to not be a part of my life anymore after eleven years. As for my family, my mom thinks she is religious, and my dad hates the institution of religion. My grandmother is more than a piece of work. She's the WHOLE job. Anyways, I haven't given up on my relationship, but I know better than to think it's all going to be perfect. Hopefully this change keeps up, because right now it looks like I'm going to only have my husband and kids soon. Thanks again!

You got a lot going on as for your mom, I'd be zinging her back on her relgious thought if I had to to be there, but more than not I would avoid her. I was lucky to have a great mom, the same as your grandmother, Are they mother daughter? avoid all negativity as much as possible. People like that I call cancer..they just eat away at you..emotional vampires suck the life out of you and drain yourself esteem..they lead sad and pathetic lives to get thier kicks out of beating you up emotionally. I always found it amazing how people that supposedly care about you rip you apart all the time and thier lives are soo perfect. I'm glad he did. We have our our battles and demons and financially its really tough on everyone. your not alone...