Losing Hope

I have been losing hope on finding someone who will truly fall in love with me, its a feeling i have never felt , through 1 marriage an 2 relationships. all though i did not find out until a year ago that my ex wife never was in love with me, we had a discussion on how now many years later i was near the exact man she wanted me to be back in the day , someone who was stable and could budget , and she was nearly exact how i wished she could be, kind and non argumentative. I was testing the waters to see if after the years if there was something to rekindle, than she told me "It would have never worked out back than or now , i was never in love with you , i loved you but was not in love with you" on one hand it did not destroy my world to find out she was not interested in me anymore , but it killed me to find out she never was in love with me.

through 2 relationships after my marriage , i fell in love with the first , only to be cheated on. The second was a painful long distance relationship with a woman i felt was my soul mate , i feel deeply in love with her. The first year had its highs and lows but was not bad, than the final 2 years of that relationship was looking back now , you know they say hind sight is 20/20 , i was a foolish man , i tried to change for her, i tried to adapt , i tried to convince her to not leave me that what i felt for her was so strong that i wanted a life with her , i wanted to take care of her and grow old together. She never ended it , but she did her own dance of words and actions that now i realize she wanted out , i just thought that if i could hold onto her till we could live together we would be great for one another.

i couldn't see the forest through the trees , she was not in love with me. I was merely the guy to be with to help her gain confidence that she could find someone else. She ended us with a series of Definitive actions that nobody could mistake , not even me.

ive been alone now for over 1 year , i have gone over all my relationships on what i did right and what i did wrong.

I feel if so far in my lifetime i have never known the feeling of a woman being in love with me that chances are its never going to happen.

im losing hope
cyrus1469 cyrus1469
41-45, M
Dec 6, 2012