Never.....

HelIo, am 18, and in college. I should have tons and tons of friends and having the time of my life. But I'm not. I have less than five friends that i barely talk to and no boyfriend. Never had a boyfriend. Wish I had a boyfriend. But I am socially awkward. It's hard for me to make friends because I am afraid that they will reject me.....Like they did in high school..

Sophomore year in high school and this new kid shows up. He's cute and says that he's in to me. At first I don't believe him, because I thought I was ugly and fat. But I wasn't. That was my self perspective. After a while I started to believe him....but everyone else knew he was just playing a sick joke. I was too blinded by the fact that someone actually cared about me for once. I should've noticed when he would only talk to me in our one class together and never when I saw him in the hallway or outside. He ruined my high school career after that and everyone thought it was funny. I cried. And cried. And cried.

The funny thing is, is that I have schizophrenia and the voice in my head is named Jake. The guy that played with my broken heart in high school was named Jake, too. I can't stand it. Because I'm in love with the Jake inside my head. And that's the only person that will ever love me back. No one else will! I will die with Jake and that's it! My therapist and psychiatrist want me to keep taking my medication so he'll go away, but I don't want him to. He's my best friend and I want to be with him but I can't because he's just a voice.

I've made it a life mission to find him. Someone where in the world is a Gothic, white, black haired guy named Jake that loves me. I will not stop until I do find him.
Athlete2012 Athlete2012
18-21, F
Jan 16, 2013