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Losing Control

It has nothing to do with love. It has to do with losing control. I have witnessed friends falling in love with the worse of them, and I can't bring myself to do that. I am afraid that I will lose control and will no longer be safe if I fall in love with somebody. That word love doesn't bring me joy or happiness if a significant other tells that to me. I understand love as in, I love my family and I love my friends. But I don't think I can bring myself to say, I am in love with that one person. Once I admit it, the power has shifted, and so has the control. I am at the mercy of this person who may or may not reciprocate. I have heard that love happens without knowledge, which is why they call it 'falling' in love, it's not a choice. I cannot let something like that get over me. How could I? How could I be open to something that can harm me in the long run. The guys I like, I plan on spending time with for a while, but as soon as the say LOVE, I freak. I can't allow LOVE to be involved, and I'm shunning relationships with men I would have loved to have a relationship with. But I'm afraid, if I fall in LOVE, everything will be an eventual disaster. I will lose control, I will lose my power over myself. I know, I'm strange. But this is how I feel, and I hate it. But it keeps me safe, so I like it as well.

partake partake 18-21, F 5 Responses Mar 8, 2010

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i have the exact same problem. i just totally freak out even when i think someone is getting a little too close to me. i want to change, but it seems impossible ): at this rate im never ever going to get a boyfriend.

i have the exact same problem. i just totally freak out even when i think someone is getting a little too close to me. i want to change, but it seems impossible ): at this rate im never ever going to get a boyfriend.

I'm just going to say this because I think what your doing is misunderstanding love. TRUST... trust is whats needed for you. You’re afraid of something controlling your life and hurting you. However if you’re going to be getting into a relationship you need to be able to trust that person and their willingness to be open an honest with you. Remember just how it may freak you out or scare you they are taking that step to look past their fear and trust you an be vulnerable with you and giving you that same control you don't want to give up when they say they love you. You’re not afraid of love, you’re more of a business person if anything ha-ha you’re afraid of investing into something that might potentiality hurt you at the end. Whenever you’re with your partner and they say that word, you shouldn't run from it. If your not ready for it calmly say to them your into them but your not ready to give up that kind feeling yet. And also remember when they say that to you they are also giving up and investing into that same power that your afraid of giving up too. <br />
An in regards to Ladymonogomy its not that you pic up loser sweetheart. You can get a good man you just have to look for the signs ya know. Look for the small things people do for you not the big ones. That guy that stops to talk to you during the day even when you ignore him or give him the polite I really don’t want a bf right now feel. Or the guy who does the small things for you like always helping you out with the door or giving you a really great smile and saying hello to you all the time. When it comes to being a person we all (both male and female) need to judge people not by how they look or the big things they do to show us they like us. But focus on the small things they do for us and then, you will see you don’t have a jerk. Women have no problem finding a good man/woman. Hell plenty of them are still out there even with their small faults its up to us as people to be able to look for the small things they do. The big things I believe miscue the truth about a person where the small things bring out detail in a person. Now I’m not saying go out and date the guy you don’t think is attractive don’t get me worng there needs to be attraction, what I AM saying however is not to let that be your only deciding factor. You’d be surprised how giving the right person the chance can make you feel happy despite your lack of sexual interest in them physically can help your life out. Make like attraction to a person physically about 30% important to you and 70% the small things he does to show you he cares and wants to be with you and his consistency in doing those things. Also key thing never take what he or she does for granted allot of people get use to it then forget just how important those things are. That’s when you start to hear stuff like “My ex use to do that for me all the time…” that’s a sign of missing something you’ve lost

I am sooo with you on this one. I feel the exact same way. However, I don't even open myself up to the possibility of love. I have doused myself work, church, female friends, and books. I don't call men and I don't entertain them. All of this because I don't want the excitement of love! I have set myself up to have my heart broken. For me, the thing that stops me from being free to love is the fact that I don't trust myself to pick a good man. I am a loser magnet! ALL of my ex-es are losers. They have all stolen money and time from me and the worse thing is that I allowed them to. I have no faith in how I pick them........

Ok, I understand where you migt be fearful, I think some people are. I think you miss out if you don't let yourself open up to someone, to share something you may not with your family or friends. Do you ever feel you might become lonely, that you might want to have someone you can care for and trust and they do the same for you? Disaster is a thing you fear but everyone you come in contact with may disappoint you in one way or another, brother, sister, aunt, mother, grandfather, best friend,boss, doesn't matter, and so you let yourself love some one, just that one persn and they hurt you..is it the end of the world, no, are there others out there for you, yes, you may find your "soulmate" right away or you may find him down the road, you may hurt a few days or weeks, but you learn and there is always something positive that come out of a relationship. You say you fear losing power over oneself, how exactly would you? If you are true o yourself, independant, love yourself no one can take that from you unless you allow it. Find what makes you genuinely happy and find that in another person, if they truly desire you, if they respect you and all you do, then there is nothing wrong with letting go ....oh, I have never heard of love being harmful, if someone loves you they wuld not wish or cause you harm.