It has nothing to do with love. It has to do with losing control. I have witnessed friends falling in love with the worse of them, and I can't bring myself to do that. I am afraid that I will lose control and will no longer be safe if I fall in love with somebody. That word love doesn't bring me joy or happiness if a significant other tells that to me. I understand love as in, I love my family and I love my friends. But I don't think I can bring myself to say, I am in love with that one person. Once I admit it, the power has shifted, and so has the control. I am at the mercy of this person who may or may not reciprocate. I have heard that love happens without knowledge, which is why they call it 'falling' in love, it's not a choice. I cannot let something like that get over me. How could I? How could I be open to something that can harm me in the long run. The guys I like, I plan on spending time with for a while, but as soon as the say LOVE, I freak. I can't allow LOVE to be involved, and I'm shunning relationships with men I would have loved to have a relationship with. But I'm afraid, if I fall in LOVE, everything will be an eventual disaster. I will lose control, I will lose my power over myself. I know, I'm strange. But this is how I feel, and I hate it. But it keeps me safe, so I like it as well.