Getting Married In Four Weeks And Terrified.

Instead of a big, blown up local wedding, the boy and I are planning a destination wedding in Costa Rica next month. It's better this way, its good for the perfectionist control freak in me to relinquish control of all the details of planning a wedding. My view is that there is nothing we humans can create that can compete with natural beauty. So if I am married in a beautiful location, there is no way I can be disappointed. As much as I'd like to daydream about the trip, I can't. I can't see waterfalls, the jungle, the beach in my head. All I can see is the plane cabin, and clouds and ocean swirling below at 40,000 feet. All I can hear is babies crying and the ding of the fasten seatbelt lights. All I can feel are the hard plastic seats and the bumps in the air and resounding quiver in my stomach.

We are flying from Seattle to Miami, then Miami to Costa Rica. Around 12 hours. The first flight is the longer one, but the second scares me more. I know this is wrong of me to say, and I have no basis for comparison, but the thought of Central American airports don't exactly conjure up images of safety and security. We aren't even going to Costa Rica's main airport in the capital.

What the hell have I gotten myself into?

Yes, the idea of crashing freaks me out. Not that I think its likely, but I can't imagine a worse way to die, seeing the ground come rushing at you and knowing that there is nothing you can do. Whats worse, I will have my whole family with me on this flight. Everyone I love, obliterated, in the blink of an eye. And the cherry on top... who will take care of my beloved doggie back home? There is so much at risk.

I feel frustrated that I can't escape this. This should be a happy time, I want to dream, imagine, savor the sweet anticipation but my thoughts are being hijacked by my fear. I can't stop, I can't slow down, I'm on a collision course with this looming fear. I have to deal with this the best way I know how... 12 hours worth of xanax and champagne.
EpoxyMonoxide EpoxyMonoxide
26-30, F
6 Responses Jan 10, 2012

Maybe you should read "The Windhover" by Gerald Manley Hopkins, followed by "High Flight" by John Gillespie Magee followed by Richard Bachman's "Jonathan Livingston Seagull"...then think about how wonderful the rest of your life with your soulmate will be. We, I do believe came from space, and we, I do believe are meant to fly, enjoy it!

Congratulations on your upcoming nuptials. So sorry to hear that you are stressing over the flight. I’ve never been frightened to fly. I wish I could loan you my “attitude” for your flight. I hear Xanax does help. I wish for you a smooth flight.

You are so very lucky to have all this great joy in your life...I hope you get something to help you feel better so you can relax and enjoy this very special time in your life! Congratulations on your upcoming nuptials!

That's funny you ended this story with "Xanax and champagne" because halfway through this story the word Xanax kept going through my head, and I planned to include that in my comment. <br />
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You will be perfectly fine, and so will your loved ones! Your wedding is going to be amazing and you will be an absolutely gorgeous bride! Be thankful for all that you have. You're a lucky woman :) I know you've been through health scares in the recent past, think of this like the reward for all that worrying and sit back and enjoy this time. Easier said than done, I know. *Hugs* I cant wait to see a pic of you on your wedding day! :)

I love your attitude, tattooedmissez. I wish I could bring you back a bottle of rum!

Have fun. If you need to, go see your Doctor she/he can prescribe something for you during your flight. I hate flying too.<br />
Have a great time on your trip!

statistically you probably need to be more concerned about the marriage than the flight!!!<br />
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just kidding, well sort of. happy times to come