Getting Married In Four Weeks And Terrified.Instead of a big, blown up local wedding, the boy and I are planning a destination wedding in Costa Rica next month. It's better this way, its good for the perfectionist control freak in me to relinquish control of all the details of planning a wedding. My view is that there is nothing we humans can create that can compete with natural beauty. So if I am married in a beautiful location, there is no way I can be disappointed. As much as I'd like to daydream about the trip, I can't. I can't see waterfalls, the jungle, the beach in my head. All I can see is the plane cabin, and clouds and ocean swirling below at 40,000 feet. All I can hear is babies crying and the ding of the fasten seatbelt lights. All I can feel are the hard plastic seats and the bumps in the air and resounding quiver in my stomach.
We are flying from Seattle to Miami, then Miami to Costa Rica. Around 12 hours. The first flight is the longer one, but the second scares me more. I know this is wrong of me to say, and I have no basis for comparison, but the thought of Central American airports don't exactly conjure up images of safety and security. We aren't even going to Costa Rica's main airport in the capital.
What the hell have I gotten myself into?
Yes, the idea of crashing freaks me out. Not that I think its likely, but I can't imagine a worse way to die, seeing the ground come rushing at you and knowing that there is nothing you can do. Whats worse, I will have my whole family with me on this flight. Everyone I love, obliterated, in the bl
I feel frustrated that I can't escape this. This should be a happy time, I want to dream, imagine, savor the sweet anticipation but my thoughts are being hijacked by my fear. I can't stop, I can't slow down, I'm on a collision course with this looming fear. I have to deal with this the best way I know how... 12 hours worth of xanax and champagne.
EpoxyMonoxide 26-30, F 9 Responses 2 Jan 10, 2012