The Pits

I was married to someone that didn't respect love and all it has to offer, i spent half my life(because thats how long i was with him) trying to show him, love him hard and strong and in the end, i think a piece of me died with that relationship. My sister tells me that i'm unapproachable when it comes to men, she says i freeze up and this defensive guard takes over. Idk- i just can't help it.  Don't get me wrong . i love men, but i must admit i am kind of frigid. For ex. its always me to not call back, text or anything, and if i have sex, thats usually a fate sealer because while some men think yeah , we took it there, i got her- for me its a sexual act- totally separate from emotional detachment. Well i was seeing this guy- he was a perfect gentleman, so sweet and kind... everything i would want a man to be, BUT his schedule was a conflict... he works 2 jobs and i only get to see him on saturdays... he said he wanted something long term- but as time went on and as i begin to allow myself to be open to this, i still couldn't help but to feel like i was working on his time. SO, i told him how i felt, that we dont spend enough time together and that how can we build on anything if we dont see each other .. intially , when i told him that , i was going to stop seeing him, because i felt myself opening to him, falling for him, but thenit seemed like everything shut down, i clammed up , and just ended it-without giving him any chance to rectify - for crying out loud, he asked if we could still be friends and i said no- i rather sever all ties. I think i just screwed up royally. Its out of control... How will i ever be able to open up when i continually shut down at the slightest problem. I feel like the runaway bride. Like i keep a pair of NIKE's on.

idkhow76 idkhow76
Mar 4, 2009