I'd Known Him For Five Years

And now, I don't even talk to him anymore.  How did this all happen? I hate myself for not being able to open up to him. It was the only reason why he couldn't love me anymore.  Because each time we met, it would be as if it were the first time and he'd painstakingly have to coax me out enough to even talk to him. I just couldn't believe that this beautiful soul was in my arms, staring right into me.  And I saw his smile disappear until finally, he never came back. And my greatest fear-what I had been anticipating, was realized.  

Over and over again, I am replaying those moments that were so romantic. I still dream of that night we lay on his rooftop and looked at the stars. And each time, the longing resurfaces to the point where I'm bursting. All of those moments when we felt like rebels staying out past curfew.  I can't stand it. 

And the worst part is, even though he loved me more at the time, I am the one now feeling all the pain. "I'm just not feeling it," he'd said.  And when I occasionally look at his facebook profile hoping to find proof that at one point, I had been important to him, I see him telling his friends that he's never counted anyone as his girlfriend. It's like I never existed. But I still wish I could be in his life.

foreveryoung6 foreveryoung6
18-21, F
Mar 1, 2010