I am afriad to trust people. I do not want to get close to them or become bonded. There was a time when I trusted somebody completely, unquestioningly for this man kept telling me he would help me overcome my past childhood abuse. I was afraid but I trusted blindly. He started to have me hug him, then simple kiss, then it turned into body hugs with him pushing against me, next it was prolonged kissing, french kissing, and the stuipd freakin last stage was having to undress, adn lay with him, rub him and darn oral him. I hated it soo much. I feel so dirty. so evil and disgusting. I told the family I was living with some of the things that happened. They kicked me out of the house and refuse to talk to me. I corrupted their 30 years OLDER than me boy. They believe he is a saint and I am the devil. I hate myself and feel so betrayed. I never wanted to do those things. I hated every minute of it. I enjoyed teh hugs and hand holdin at first for I felt loved and protected for the first time in my life. I refuse now to trust anybody. I no longer have the dream of finding a man that would love me and protect me. I feel alone and frightened that he will come and kill me. 'Cause I told on him and refused to live with him. I refuse to go through this nightmare yet again so I will not trust others and I am afraid to trust people.

wonderingwwolf wonderingwwolf
Mar 11, 2009