Fatherhood

What the hell am I supposed to do? (sorry for the swear word.)

I am afraid because most people who are my age are already parents and many of them are grandparents.

My parents are both deceased and so are my wife's parents.

I've read books and watched movies (some on childbirth that really have scared the crap out of me).

I know how to run a company. I'm a well-educated man with advanced degrees.  I made it through my master's and got my doctorate but I don't know how to raise a baby and now God has decided to bless me and my wife with two.

I love children and want lots of them but I don't want them to turn out to be crazy, ill-behaved children that people always turn their nose up at and say why didn't those parents teach their children better.

Maybe I should have posted this in confessions but I don't know. 

I love my wife dearly and would do anything to make her happy.  I know if it wasn't for me that she wouldn't have had considered having children.  I don't know what to do.

People "my age" are supposed to be wise but I don't feel wise at all.

I just want happy and healthy family.
KingofSwords KingofSwords
56-60, M
12 Responses Sep 14, 2012

This is a normal fear. If you didn't feel that way, one would worry! If you have that sincere concern for how your kids will turn out, what type of person they will be, then you will be fine. First, lead through example. Second, guide them to do what's right. Third, instill character in them, this means honesty, integrity, work ethic, compassion. Fourth, as they get older you still guide through friendship and being supportive. Fifth...just love them! It will all work out and if it doesn't you know its not because of something you didn't do!

Oh my. King, everyone who has ever become a parent has been afraid. I'm afraid too but we have good people around us in our family and friends (on and off EP) to ask for support. We both have great people in our circle. The ladies in your circle are wonderful. Ms. Broussard, Hilly, Jacee, Lady Ryan, Ms. Rubies, Kathie, Epiphany and GrandmaSugar(footies) are a treasure trove of information that is worth more than gold. I know we will do fine with Baby Butt Paste, Huggies Naturals, 4 different kinds of baby powder and whatever else we need. You are going to be a wonderful father. Just keep reading to the babies, help by doing half the diaper changes and everything will be fine. I'm sure that any question we have is just an click on EP for an answer. :o)

We do have awesome people in our circle. Reading to our babies is the highlight of my day.

In my mind, you and Wilde are an example of a couple who SHOULD have children. King, you will be a WONDERFUL father. Your children will be loved, nurtured, guided. Even the fact that you are concerned speaks to your wisdom. Man, you are terrific....

Kathie, you made me blush. Thank you for your confidence in me and Wilde. We just want to be good parents for our children.

And I know without hesitation you will .... <3

: )

Awww, just relax and enjoy the experience!! The fact that you're concerned shows you'll do fine. I think it's great that you're a bit older, it seems to make it easier to give of yourself. Congratulations, oh and Happy Labor Day to you and the wife!!

Thank you LadyHawke.

Awww King..........this was such a heartfelt post. You my amazing friend have absolutely nothing to worry about. You and Wilde will both be amazing parents who love and cherish the little ones.
My only advice, for what it's worth, is to just breathe........diapers,formulas, and all that other stuff will not be a huge issue. You'll find out what works best for you as you use the products. You'll find that what works for one may not be the best for you.
Just remember to love and enjoy your babies. Like was posted earlier they'll grow up before you know it and you'll sit back and wonder where it all went. Raise them with the same ideas and morals you both were raised with........love them and cherish the unique individuals they will be. Surround them with good people and you'll be amazed how easy it will be to raise them. And never forget to have fun, it's so easy in this day and time to want them to have all that's needed to be successful in the future, but they need to be allowed to be happy carefree kids. Don't forget to allow the fun goofy times......even if it's not something you might think is necessary.
And remember to make time for you and Wilde. You'll both need some alone time. So accept the help offered by your friends and take time to get away.
I'm always here if you need to talk.

Children tend to emulate their parents. So if your kind, caring and socially responsible, they will be also. some people treat their kids like possessions. They show them off to all their friends, but once they get home, they shove them into a corner and ignore them or worst. I found that if you Love them, and share in their lives, you will be rewarded with great kids! They just want to be a part of your life. Enjoy it! It was the best time of my life! I got to be damn good at changing diapers too! lol

I am looking forward to loving my children.

Aww-w-w What a dearly post. The anxiety with the joy of raising our own children are all but natural King. For me it was hard at first. I cried almost everyday with my first child, but everything turned out okay, after all. Just like when the baby cry at midnight. I have to think all the possible reason aside from her time for feeing or changing diapers and any obvious reasons. Or when fever rises, those diahrrea, tantrums occurs how to be calm. The administered updates for vaccines, etc. And ofcourse while growing up, I worry about attitudes. When she starts joining a group. what should be her charater, about her playmates would she have lots of fun, if she needs to fight for defence, how would it be. LOL!
I was so keen to almost everything, I worry too much. But after all they grew up healthy, and normal. The thing that always reminded me were the experiences I had while growing up. How did my parents raised us, the things I have wanted and not wanted to experience in the first place, has taught me a lot with my own kids. I still have at least ten years to mold their minds but I am all for love and kindness, as the basic in helping me out when the urge to control them gets the best of me.
You're friends are confident, with Wilde as the mother and as loving parents, everything will be great with you as the father.

Thank you.

There comes a time in our life when we see something before us.
We don't know how to get there.
Or how to make those steps to make it past the finish line.
But you've said, you don't know what to do and don't know what to expect.
This is normal for early fatherhood from what I observed.
You only wish the best for your beloved newborns, want to see them well nurtured, happy and successful like their parents.
But first you must know that you will do all that you can and muster your strength when you must, it may be a LOT of obstacles ahead but realize you're not alone.
Wilde is by your side and so is the supportive community, that stands by your side.
It's okay to be afraid, we all fall down that road, but to see the end of it, you have to prevail, be brave and be ready for anything.
When the time comes. I'm sure you'll do your best and become the best father they could ask for. ;)

Thank you.

Oh sweetie, everyone feels that way when their first baby is on the way, more especially if they're having TWINS. It's just common sense to be a little scared. You're about to embark on quite an adventure. One for which you can't quite prepare. But keep in mind that you and Wilde have at your disposal many tools...you are both highly intelligent and adaptable. I'm guessing you have a strong support network of friends. And, most importantly, you have big hearts. After all, what children need most is love. Stay on track there and you won't go wrong with the rest. God bless you all.

Thank you Epiphany. I appreciate it. Your advice along with Hilly's and others is helpful. "Love my children, use Huggies Natural diapers, Butt Paste and no dating for my daughter until she's 60."

Lol. Yea, that sounds right. XD

wisdom will come to you as you have your children...you have gained more knowledge about these matters than you think...be concerned about your children, your wife, and yourself, not what others say...teach them your values and make a steady foundation, let them know you love them...they will learn by your actions...they are indeed fortunate children and your wife has a good man...be well

Thank you.

King.... you are going to do just fine. I don't know ANY parents (of whatever age) that didn't go through thinking something similar at one point before their children were born. That is actually a strength - you already show concern about their character and how you will raise them.<br />
<br />
You don't have your parents, but you will have a lot of support from Buck, Iwrite and LadyG (they are going to spoil the kids, I already know it. uncles/aunties can do this!) One thing I am sure of: your kids AIN'T gonna be bratty, inconsiderate children. You and Wilde will NOT be one of "those" parents.<br />
<br />
You don't realize how endearing this write up is... everything that you are concerned about you just confirmed WON'T be an issue because you care too much to let it be. (Awwww)

Ruby, I hope you are right. I answered this question last night and after I saw all the other answers I thought, I am so not prepared to be a father. What if my children do these kinds of things? http://www.experienceproject.com/question-answer/What-Is-The-Nastiest-Thing-Your-Child-Has-Ever-Done/1189495

Ahem... ok,. that comes down to a lot of upbringing.... for instance, my brother and I were NOT allowed to swear in front of my father growing up. Even as adults when one of us slips up around him, we look at each other and snicker.... If I had peed in someone's bottle as a teenager, (or whatever that person did) my head would have been removed. Most kids don't actually pull that extreme crap. Some of the "bad" things they do are quite funny (like the lady with the little girl who sucked the juice off of the cherries, lol). Plus, when they start to date, you can bring up these stories.... ^ -^

Date? I'm not allowing my daughter to date. Didn't you see my comment where I said I'm taking notes? "The child will be fine until age 20 and the I will send her to a convent to become a nun." Forget the fact that I'm Jewish and Wilde is not Catholic.

HAHAHA yes! Every male friend I have who has had a little girl says the same thing. I like to tease one (daughter now 5) about dating. He will flat out say, "Shut up Ruby!" (Oh I love to torment him!) LOL... He said he's going to be polishing his gun when the first one comes to the house to pick her up...... I can see him doing it too...

You know Wilde and I live in Texas and are very proud gun owners. Our daughter will not be dating. Wilde said she can start dating when she's about 60 and I say she can get married when she's about 90.

HAHA.... I guess I was lucky! My dad always said 40! ;-P

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You're going to be great King. GREAT. It's hard to explain...you see... the days just happen, the infant/s grow/s and you grow with him/her, you will learn together. You will all work out how to live through one phase and then you will all be ushered into a new one....as I said, the days....they roll along...infant phase goes into toddler phase and then to preschool phase and so on....everything doesn't rush in on you all at once, nature is smarter than that~you get luxurious little breaks here and there, spaces in which to laugh and play and count your blessings. You are simply understandably overwhelmed with the idea and the mystery of it all. I don't blame you. You should be, if you weren't a little bit panicked about now....I would worry about you.
You have a relatively new marriage and now this double blessing, is your head spinning? It has to be...I know Wilde has to be having her own anxieties. Just love one another and comfort one another, dream together, and share your fears and laugh together whenever possible. This is such a precious time. Don't worry about your age, don't compare yourself with anyone, just dig in your toes and hang on! This was meant to be. *Hugs* and Bright Blessings~ Hilly~

I went to the Baby Supply Store today and looked down the diaper aisle and my head felt like it was going to explode. There are a million different sizes of diapers and just as many different manufacturers. I assumed there would be different manufacturers of cribs, high chairs, strollers. I was ready for that and have been doing research on those items so we're all good on the big stuff but the every day, day to day stuff, I'm so confused. There's all these different kinds of baby butt cream and stuff. I just thought baby powder was baby powder but apparently there are four different kinds of stuff. I don't know what to use. I get the feeling that is how good people who normally make rational decisions end up on the evening news because they did something stupid and hurt their children all because they didn't know what baby powder to use. God, I'm scared to death.

Johnsons Baby Powder is the old standard...or you can just use plain old cornstarch...Huggies or Pampers Naturals are good quality diapers, you will probably need the newborn or preemie size at first.They send you home from the hospital with starter packs that have a variety of top quality items like butt cream and diapers and formulas and booklets on everything. :)

I used "Butt Paste" for Jace, (grandson) isn't "Butt Paste" a catchy name?

Huggies or Pampers Naturals, Butt Paste, OK. Thank you Hilly.

You're gonna be great King! *Hugs*

Thank you Hilly, *HUGGIES HUGS*

You're most welcome King!

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