I Am Mean

I am a mean person. I am rude, mean, and insensative towards people, all of the time. You want to know why? It is all because of my "mother!" Sometimes I feel like my mother hates me. All of that love she says she has for me is not ever visable. Everytime she says something to me it is either derogatory, sarcastic, or rude. For some reason, she has always had an attitude towards me, I hate talking to her because I know she is going to respond in a hurtful way. I hate when there is no school or when breaks come around because when she doesn't have to work, she is near or around me 24 hours a day. I know it sounds bad but its true.Everytime we are in the same room together, there is going to be a let down coming my way.It's crazy, but I think of school as a vacation sometimes. Atleast, a vacation from her. I cherish those 8 hours away from her. I love her, but she is just so evil to me. She is so very mean to me. What did I do? It's like I just got in trouble, but all of the time. So, when I do get in trouble, I am not afraid of the consequences. I feel like, "What's worse than what I feel every single day." Sometimes, I hate her. Why can't I be good enough for her, why can't she just love me? Why does she have to hate me so much? I that she is the reason I am so mean. She is always so cruel. I often hace thoughts of suicide and running away because of the things she does. She hurts me so muc. I just hate my life, all of the time. Also, it hurts when I say, "I love you," and she says, "Okay," or nothing at all in responce. I feel like, If my mom doesn't love me, nobody does.
shemarrivera shemarrivera
13-15, M
2 Responses May 9, 2012

You and you alone control how you react to your circumstance.Being a bully or an idiot is your choice....You can however be kind to people and see their reaction to you.You get a lot better responses that help you feel better about yourself.

Uh, I'm sorry... But... Why is this in this particular experience group?<br />
Also, I'm sick of people blaming their issues on their parents. Many parents just generally suck in different ways. They didn't cause the person you are. You can be whoever you want. <br />
I pity your situation. I do. However, it's something people have to deal with every day...<br />
I'm proud to have a mommy who loves me more than anything, but I have a dad who sounds similar to your mom... But he's also highly delusional! And he did nothing to contribute to the person I am today.<br />
Has your mom been diagnosed with any kind of mental disorder? Medication and therapy can work wonders.