Hate Them!!

I've been totally against them from the dawning of my first depression bout, when I was 15. I have NEVER wanted to be on them. I tried Prozac and Zoloft around my freshmen/sophomore year in H.S. they drove me absolutely insane....It felt like I lost control of myself...crying for no reason...just made me feel "weird" in general.

My best friend committed suicide when she was 16. The only person in this life I felt would always be there, besides my family...she was truly the sister I never had. I truly believe if she wasn't all drugged up on anti-depressants she wouldn't of done it. They had her on four different meds that I know of. One being Paxil. So after that, as you can imagine I was really against them.

I always said I rather just suffer.....than take anti-depressants. I think I'll be going back to that original philosophy soon. I broke down a month ago and started an SSRI called Lexapro. I can't even go into how  it has worsened my depression/anxiety. Let's just say I've been in bed for 3 almost 4 days straight now, with no motivation or energy. I have had more frequent suicidal thoughts...even planned it out...which I had NEVER done before...no matter how depressed I've been through out the years....on Lexapro this past month, I've felt closer to death than ever before...made a goodbye suicide tape...pretty bad.

I wish there was a better way....to end it all

Does anyone know any NATURAL cures for depression? I've been trying to find natural remedies. Besides meditation....mindful breathing.....weed... none of that helps me. Meditation is okay....just can't do it 24hrs a day.

I hate them........ Happy for the people they truly work for......but I don't know to many people in my personal life that  have had a good experience. I will always blame them for my Best friends death too. They are little devils ....in pill form, they do nothing but more harm...to me anyways. I'm swallowing death every time I take one.....but what is the alternative for me at this point?

QueenOfHearts QueenOfHearts
22-25, F
6 Responses Mar 23, 2009

I sincerely hope you have someone in your life to talk to - it's very serious what you said about planning out your suicide. Whether or not it's related to the Lexapro I think it's very important for you or anyone reading this to know that when you feel this way you should immediately tell someone. Also , anyone who is depressed whether or not they decide to take an antidepressant which is what you'll get from a psychiatrist - it's also really important that you speak with a psychologist or counselor regularly. They can help you piece together these thoughts and behaviours much better than you can because they are looking at the situation from an outside perspective. It does not mean you are incapable of solving your own problems, but it's just not possible when not only you are having the depressing anxious thoughts - but you are also bogged down by the feelings associated with them. Thank you for listening - I hope by now your situation has been resolved and anyone who reads this I hope you find the help you deserve.

I was on a couple of different anti-depressants at different times during my early 20s. They made me feel un-human and detached and also were bad for my self esteem as I really felt as if I my inner self was reliant on a crutch and that therefore I must not be a strong person. eventually I gave them up when I self harmed on lexapro, something which I didn't do before or since. when I reported the incident to my psychiatrist he went outside to confer with a colleague and came back and reccomended that I double my dose of lexapro. after that I just thought the whole medicated route was bullsh1t. Seven years later, I now know i made the right decision. I still get depressed occasionally but thats whats called the human condition. Lots of exercise, reaching out to and being there for your family and friends helps. Also perseverence and refusing to give in to adversity. And importantly, love yourself. We all are to some extent alone with ourselves, at least in some stiuations we experience so be a friend to yourself and look after yourself. Understand your qualitities and try to improve upon your faults. Be nice to yourself and seize upon opportunities to enjoy life and never feel guilty for being happy. Be good to yourself and good things will happen I promise you.

Go to a therapist! I would never be where I am today without her! When I was about 19 I took Prozac for a couple years (I never thought I'd be one of those people either) and it did help me, but then it got to the point where my psychiatrist had to keep increasing my dosage and I started getting chest pains so I just gradually decreased my dosage and stopped taking it. It was then I realized I can't totally depend on these pills to make me feel better: I have to start making some changes.<br />
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I probably do have a chemical imbalance, and even though I feel better than I ever have before I probably should be on an antidepressant. I've been in therapy for 5 years though lol so it wasn't easy. About a couple months ago I started to become very depressed again and had some Lexapro that I never used so I took one pill and felt totally weird so I just said screw this I'll feel better in a few days, and I did lol. <br />
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I know antidepressants effect all people differently.. so even though they may not help you, they have helped me, and they can help other people, but like I suggested try talking to a therapist, or reading some books on depression and whatnot to get a better perspective.

Thank you...I agree. Well...some things have changed since I wrote this. I continued with taking lexapro on a higher dosage..I haven't had anymore suicidal thoughts for a while so I guess thats good. Yeah I never stick with the meditation...I guess I don't have the patience. Thank you for your comments and your well wishes I really appreciate it. I do need to start on some vitamins so...I'll check those out.

I am also against anti-depressants...for slightly different reasons than yours but I won't get into that here in this comment box. I do not know the reason for your depression and I'm sure you've tried talkiing with a therapist/psychologist, maybe you could try looking into taking some vitamin B6 or Fish Oil. You could try Yoga as well. <br />
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I know that you said you can't meditate for 24 hours a day but meditation, if done correctly, shouldn't be a momentary calmness that you feel 'only' when you're meditating. It should make you feel 'centered' and bring you calmness long after you've meditated. <br />
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I am new here so I'm going to look around a bit. I do wish peace in your heart and try to let go of the blame you place on anti-depressants for your friend's death. Some of these doctors are worse than a drug dealer, I'd say.

Ive been on prozac for a few weeks now they put me on paxil for a week befor the prozac but i had it switched after reading all bad about it. Im not on these meds for depression though so you cant just assume that about everyone. But i still know what you mean.I was the same way.