Who Punishes The Men? Or Are They Too Dang Perfect For Punishment? Lol

I find myself reading story after nauseating story of wives in these TiH/ HoH relationships being punished like children. Spankings, corner time and removing privilages ( WTF!) are all disciplinary actions doled out by these supposed perfect specimens who NEVER make mistakes naturally because they are men ( LMAO!)
I want to know who disciplines the GODS/ men when they mess up because we know they do and likely very frequently.
I would like to offer my services ladies.
I will gladly dole out punishments and discipline to your HoH's, actually it would be a pleasure. :)

So you know where to find me. I have several wet noodles available but will not protest if you should feel a real whipping or paddling be more effective. ;)

gumshoejane2 gumshoejane2
36-40, F
41 Responses Jan 23, 2013

I am against abusive relationships disguised as a DD or HOH relationship. The major underlying part of these relationships (mine most defiantly included) is that it is based on love and respect by the HOH. So let me draw a parallel for you gumshoejane2. I am not sure if you are a parent or not but a parent being in charge 'could' result in abuse. However most often what happens is the parent become better because they are entrusted with authority over someone they care deeply about. They not only try to be fair and respectful but also raise their level of awareness about how they act so that they can set the pace of the relationship. As the leader in either relationship you look to set the tone, be the example for how you want the other to act. I also would like to point out that most HOH and DD relationships are not initiated by the HOH and though both parties may greatly benefit , from what I have experienced and read the HOH usually benefits less. Please be specific when bashing relationships because I have found that the relationship with my wife has deepened and grown more than I thought possible with the addition of this lifestyle. I care more and communicate far more than any other couple I know in normal life, and we always have a clear path and know how to settle our differences as someone is clearly in charge. My power is granted constantly by HER. We break it down and discuss things. Though she cannot end it in a moment, if she decides to stop the relationship over one week our agreement is that if her object ion is kept for one week it will end.I would like to hear more about your elegant solution that seems to work better. Not in your mind, not in theory. I am not being antagonizing, I am just open. This seemed crazy and horrible to me as well when I started down this path, to spank my wife. To 'hurt' the one I love most. Then I lived it and found something quite amazing, something I am not sure that you really understand but feel you can pontificate about. I support that but ask you to question what exactly you are opposed to.-RespectfullyE

"Though she cannot end it in a moment, if she decides to stop the relationship over one week our agreement is that if her object ion is kept for one week it will end."

Tell that to the cops! If your wife decides to end your DD relationship it should be over immediately, not over after a week.

She can stop anything at any moment but she pulls the plug on the dynamic. Everything stops. For her it is the rule within the dynamic so that she has to comply with the annoying or tedious, not the abusive. All of our dynamic is broken down at least weekly and decided on together.

Thank you for the point of clarification Pyramanina.

If you hold power past the person saying safeword you are in a NONconsensual situation. That is a slipery slope indeed.

Tempoleton, I assume you are talking to me. I agree but I do not hold the power beyond the safeword. At the safeword the dynamic stops. I am not sure where you got that idea that it extended beyond the safeword. Whatever happens before the safeword is completely different than after.

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I have read lots of different peoples experiences regulating DD relationships... And it really took be aback! And what's even more dumbfounding to me is that it's consensual! A lot of them stated very clearly that they willingly pull down their pants/ panties down and let their husbands spank them & their children. I'm not saying its wrong or that their horrible for doing it... To each their own, but I can't imagine any man in my family trying to discipline their partner by putting them over their knee and spanking. That relationship would be over!

But honestly it's not the strangest thing I've read on this site! lol

That's great that it works for you. As long as your content that's all that matters! To each their own 😃

Try it ya might like it.....just sayin

My husband doesn't like the idea of having to discipline me & doesn't even like to playfully spank me. lol he's afraid he's going to hurt me... We had a discussion about it... I wanted to hear his thoughts on the matter. No go!

I just wanted to add that not all Head of Houses are the men, I have spoken to several couples where the HoH is the woman. ALSO in all the conversations I have had, the Taken In Hand partner has researched and then ASKED his/her partner to assume the role of HoH. I cannot recall a conversation where it was imposed or even raised by the HoH. ALSO in all these conversations the TiHs have reported that their relationships have vastly improved since adopting the Domestic Discipline Dynamic and the one common compliant they have is that their HoH is not consistent enough in applying the discipline, wishing they would spank MORE, not less.
So I accept its not for everyone but for those that choose it, it works really well for them
Simon

You are correct, thank you for your comment.

Dd or Hoh are just the lifestyles which people chooses with their own consent. There is no such things that everyone has to agree with everything. You don't like it so don't agree with it. People live in nudist life style and then there are people who protest against nudity cause they don't find nudity fitting in their social values.

Being coerced into something is wrong but to opting for something with consent is every persons right. You speaks about feminist and feminism and again you want a woman to give up her right to choose the lifestyle she want to live in.

I do so enjoy sitting on a chair... facing the back... arms folded onthe top. Head resting on arms. As my sub crys while i instruct her on how fast hard and where to strike mu shoulders and uper back.... i hav at times got into the endorphins a little far and made a girl strike hard enough to tear the skin... all the while sinking into a relaxed medatative state... lol tears streaming down her face for the shear intensity of the experiance... it is NOT QUITE LIKE CLIMBING IN A RING... BUT CLOSE. AS IT IS EASYER TO CLEAR YOUR MIND IN A RING.

This Is one of the most selfish things I do. So dear JANE.... before you go flipently offering your services....you should prepare yourself for the ones that say ...HERE I AM.

Oh wow Templeton that does sound intense.

TRUT THATH: i believe that dd an hoh are social contracts that give power or take power becuse the people that use then are to dam repressed to just LIVE! I personaly lead. It is my NATURE. i lift up my lover.I am a kinki bastard and my lovers love it! I LOVE IT! however my Idea of disaplining my lover is to raise an eyebrow... maby i will not speak or comunicate for a specified time. But spankins are for fun. Enforphins are my "DRUG OF CHOICE" IN a household that is clean and sober.

My lovers TYPICALY defer to my decisions. However I respect there opinions and take them under STRONG advisment! That said. I make the inportant decisions in MY home. Any lover is able to leave if she can not abide by THAT. I lay my life oj
Out in service to my "family" and They respect me. TWICE in my life i have had to step up and put my LIFE (LITERLY) ON THE LINE for my family. Niether time did i hesatate. THEY SAW THIS and KNOW what a real man is! He SERVES! I SERVE! My family with my soul. And if I deserve and demand a little respect...then so be it. My current lover started calling me sir befeor she KNEW what d/s is....naturaly. THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH BEIN WHO YOU ARE. Alpha or beata or OMEGA! people... acept who you are... take of your socicatal masks and LIVE...BREATHE!

Very nicely put Templeton.

That wasnt ME... honest... someone haked my account and is making fun of me...*GRINZ*&*SWINGS AWAY ON VINES* SNATCHING JANE UP AS I GO BY*

GOD disciplines men, and when He does it, he deals out punishment and trials with an extremely heavy hand - not with the care and consideration that a dominant man shows his submissive wife. And He has done so with me.

If you are a high-minded or domineering woman who doesn't want to enjoy surrendering to loving, protective, dominant man, that's fine. I certainly don't aim to judge or criticize you or point out how blind you are or how shallow your understanding of scripture is. I'll let you have your view and move on without trashing you.

But don't go on other's pages and trash their character and intentions. You want to talk about sinful mindsets, start there with what you are doing in this post and in your comments on my page, comparing my love to "war." Buy a clue, if that's what you have to do to get one. This is why I can't open up about any of this at church.

How does God discipline men and deal out punishment? Where? I've never seen an instance of it.

Have you read your Bible? ... The entire Bible, old and New Testament, is loaded with it.

And have you talked with other Christians like myself (but in the real, not on the internet) who've experienced severe chastening from the Lord?

I've read a lot of books - but I can't seem to get the hang of believing anything that runs counter to my own observations.

It is called MARRIAGE.

Lol Templeton!

20+ years of peanance... i speak from experiance....LMAO

Ajushi,
You misunderstand me. Please live your life as you please. There is absolutely nothing wrong with your lifestyle as long as it is consensual and no one gets hurt.
Just don't call it Christian or biblical because it is not.
Enjoy life as it is so very fleeting.

"Just don't call it Christian or biblical because it is not"

It is for a lot of people actually, are we really going to sit here and say religion doesn't play a role in this for some? Because if we are then we aren't being honest.

It also does not have to be consensual either!

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there are plenty of men on the receiving end of the spankings in domestic discipline relationships.... i even know a couple that domestic disciplines completely equally. they are both subject to spankings, corner time etc, just as much as the other.

My husband and I dabble in it. He is mainly the dominate one, and still has the last say... but I have given out a few spankings now myself...

to each their own but i can't imagine being in such a relationship. it strikes me as abusive although i've read that that's not the case. i doubt that i could see it as anything but.

I have mixed feelings about this topic. As long as it's between consenting adults, what goes on between a husband and wife in their marriage is none of my business. Still, the idea of "domestic discipline" in a husband-led marriage makes me uncomfortable. It's not the way things were done in my family when I was growing up. My mother and father were equal partners in their marriage. I admire my mother (as well as my father), and her influence is one of the main reasons I consider myself to be a feminist. How can feminism be reconciled with DD relationships?

I think the answer is that feminism offers women the opportunity to be equal partners in their relationships and in all aspects of their lives. Women are free to demand equality or not. The choice is theirs.

It's quite easy to reconcile feminism with a DD relationship - in fact with legal equality it's really the only way it could have any value. The submissive partner is only going to be so within the marriage; not with anybody else. It's a willing power exchange in which tons of attention is given, an agreement worked out carefully (but unromatically) in advance yet always subject to review. The result is actually very romantic indeed.

Jane, I certainly cannot go back and read the 273 comments. Let me say a little in response to the story.

First of all, I don't think you should worry about the women. They chose this lifestyle because it turns them on. They seem to be pretty happy and having great sex, so why fret?

There have been only been a very few men who have been talking about being doms on EP. Most of it has come from a few guys whose main pleasure in being here is to write something that will get somebody like you flustered.

The men I encountered on the website Takeninhand.com, through their own writing and through their wives' writing, struck me as very different, as being mature, responsible, unselfish, caring, conscientious people. And I think most of these EP sub women are married to men like those men.

Thank you for your comment CC.

I think there are so many adults who don't take personal responsibility for their behaviour, "self discipline" as people call it. They just act as they darn well please and don't give two hoots about who's affected and how many people they hurt in the process. Obviously I would like never to be like that but sadly, I reaslise that I have my low points just as everyone does. The difference is I want to look at where my weaknesses are and try my hardest to be better and over come them if I can, is that not taking personal responsibility?
I trust my husband implicitly so it made sense to me to let him to help me with those weaknesses. The truth is when I first spoke to him about taken in hand marriages, he looked at me like I'd just laid a golden egg. After a while he did see I was serious and we talked a huge amount. We agreed which areas I wanted help for and what would happen if I broke our agreement. I see it as no different as someone getting a speeding ticket. If everyone had self discipline, there would be no need for speed cameras. I don't want to be disrespectful, over spend on our budget or say hurtful things. In my view a spanking is just like a speeding ticket. I don't like those much either but one would definitely slow me down!
In DD I became my own law maker but I placed my husband as chief of police. I chose to do that and that was how I ensured my own self discipline. Getting that spanking is easier than doing it alone, after all I can't spank myself can I?

I LOVE LOVE LOVE this post. Thank you for letting me read something so wonderful first thing this morning....with my coffee. Like you, I knew I needed something and I'm the one who spoke to him about Taken in Hand and then DD. He had a lot of questions, did the research, took notes and we sat down one night and decided where to start. Sounds like you and I have some very similar views. I'm more centered than I've ever been.

I am sorry, I only just saw this post. I am glad you're happy. I am much happier too. I accept totally that it's not for every couple but for us it it just "fits" I am so much calmer too.

if ya do can I WATCH??? Giggity giggity goo!

Apparently s-p-u-n-k is a slang term for s-e-m-e-n.

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Thank you. Well said.

I can't even bring myself to use my crop on my horse or raise my voice to my dogs. This DD craziness is simply that...craziness. How do you respect a lover who you wish to beat and humiliate. Don't try to tell me any healthy creature wants to be in pain. Just not rational.

The pain of a spanking is nowhere near as painful as a divorce or years of unhappy sexless marriage, my husband spanks me but he doesn't humiliate me and he doesn't devalue my opinions. I do appreciate that it's not for everyone though :o)

Roberta wrote: "my husband spanks me but he doesn't humiliate me"

I understand that you feel this way Roberta, and believe me, I am not demeaning you or putting you down, but many women feel that their husband pulling down their panties, putting them over his knees, and then spanking them so hard that they are in pain and start crying, as if they were a child IS humiliating.

It isn't as simple as that. It's a stress control mechanism, but it's all tied in with sexuality too. It's a 'whole person' treatment and if it works for you it works very well.

"I personally know of many many DD relationship which are working out much better than most marriages."

Or at least they want to think they are when they actually may not be.

There is a HUGE diffreance between disipline and humiliation! If you have no disapline then your life is chaos. Some people find the bluntness of DD to alow them MORE freadom in a relationship... maby you should learn more of the why before you dissmiss it summaraly without the facts

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Yeah that confused me a bit too...even if it's concensual, it still rubs me the wrong way.

Then dont do it. Simple........or ya could learn the WHY behind the actions.

I totally agree with you 777, and you have expressed exactly how I view things. I honestly believe that couples in DD HOH relationships that involve punishment and spankings are actually into dom/sub relationship and BDSM. But because they may be staunch Christians, and/or may think that kind of thing is bizarre and deviant, they refuse to accept that they are those kind of people and their spankings, etc. are BDSM and instead call it DD and HOH, and claim the Bible justifies it. Whatever floats your boat, but accepting that you are what you are makes you a much more honest and open minded person.

I am more than willing to admit that my husband smacks my butt a little sometimes while we are having sex and I enjoy it. It is purely sexual and has absolutely nothing to do with disciplining me, and pretending that is what it is all about (unless of course we are enjoying a role playing fantasy where I am a naughty little school girl and he is my disciplining teacher - LOL).

I am entitled to my opinions, thoughts, feelings just as we all are.
I'm sorry if I've managed to hurt feelings but this is a public forum and with most everything in life not everyone is going to agree. Yes people have explained things to me and I appreciate that and I think it's obvious I have grown in my acceptance but I still passionately believe in my right and everyone else's right to freedom of speech.
If one doesn't want to accept that they may get their feelings hurt on a forum like this then go to a private site for members whom only share and agree with your lifestyle.

You did not say anything wrong, men deserve to be punished :)

I AGREE 100% ! It is not like just becuse you r .!,ead something that it will jump out of the net and become YOUR reality... we are hear to EXPERIANCE eachothers views and LEARN from eachother... if you are ofended simply click on one of your own storys and read it over and over...

Actually I vehemently disagree with this statement. We shouldn't have to hide in a private forum to avoid being brow beaten by the spiritually blind. It's a brutal, isolating life as it is. You can keep your negative assessments of D/s to yourself. It's already so hard to find love for us in this emasculating confused culture of emasculated, feminized men and fickle, selfish, inhibited women. You should go to a private forum where people who are oblivious to how wonderful the love between a surrendered woman and a dominant man is go to trash us and compare are loving bond to war and arrogance. Why are you patrolling us to squash our dreams?

I didn't treat any woman in my life like war or arrogance. I cherished her and treated her like a Queen. You've no idea what a vile attack that is on my heart and character to say that.

Ajushi, your comments keep showing up in my feed :)

It's really not fair to call someone who is not a Dom or sub "Spiritually blind". It is simply not the lifestyle for him/her. Additionally, she is posting in the relevant category as per the group title.

I must say I've noticed a tad of bitterness in some of your comments when you mention, "emasculated, feminized men and fickle, selfish, inhibited women"

Some feedback: this is not at all attractive to women, and if you are presenting yourself in such a manner off of EP with this attitude, in all honesty it does not surprise me that you have difficulty finding a partner.

No Dom I know (and I know some powerful, successful Doms) has any issue with feminism or thinks that the majority of women are "selfish" or "inhibited". In fact.... the opposite.....I have never ONCE had a Dom friend complain about feeling emasculated; if this is how you feel in society, I would strongly and respectfully suggest you consider therapy to delve into these feelings.

Being a Dom or sub is not a brutal, isolating life ... it is freedom to those who are one or the other. I truly recommend that you do some intensive readings on D/s. EP member Sunnil has some good write ups.

I do not say any of this unkindly, but you seem quite unsure how to proceed. Hopefully you will consider some of these points I've shared.

Ajushi,
You misunderstand me. Please live your life as you please. As long as no one gets hurt there is absolutely nothing wrong with this lifestyle. Just don't call it Christian or biblical ( though I doubt you'd be judged harshly as long as you are loving and fair).

Please excuse my deplorable grammar and type-Os.

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I actually used to be absolutely appalled and disturbed by this lifestyle. Until I discovered EP I had no idea tih or DD relationships existed. I can completely understand where lady gypsy is coming from. I'm sorry ladies but to an outsider looking in, these relationships do appear abusive. There are a lot of stories detailing the spankings, with implements and hands, the corner time, the rules ect but very little emphasis on the love and affection, enhanced intimacy ect.In the 2 years I've been on ep I can honestly say that I've come to realize that most psychologically healthy men would very likely appreciate the submission. Most men do seem to thrive on respect, it makes them feel admired, needed and loved. This lifestyle would definitely make it easier for a man to feel respected and needed vs a regular relationship. If a psychologically healthy male is feeling respected, admired and loved. If he feels needed then it would follow that he in turn would love, respect, cherish and feel protective towards his partner. It should be true then that these men would give love and affection and care and ( I know this is tough to understand but I do feel these men submit in their own way as well).I can not see the spankings being all that rough. I try to put myself into that Dom s mindset.. He loves her, is protective of her, feels appreciative and I'm sure unworthy of her appreciation at times, feels flattered and very lucky to have her in a culture that does not support this. Is that Dom really going to hurt her? I think he'd be very careful not to abuse her trust, spirit or body.I'm of course talking about the psychologically healthy men who respect and value women and who love their wives. There are always unhealthy, misogynistic, entitled creeps who would take advantage and possibly harm a submissive partner. They are out there but I think the majority of dd relationships are healthy. If they are happy then so be it.For me it wouldn't work for a myriad of reasons I won't go into. It's ok to have discussions and to disagree. I for one like every single person who has engaged in this conversation here, everyone not just those who I personally agree with.

Sapphire... you always have such a solid, calm way of looking at situations. Thank you for that; I always enjoy your comments.

I actually agree with this. We started DD AFTER coming on Ep. This has always been a desire of mine since I was 11. Not sure where it came from. My parents nor anyone I know live this lifestyle. But my husband and I now are more loving, closer, and I am truly happy for the first time in my life. Inside and out. I will never change it. I have never had a 20 different implement spanking. We own 3. But then again we just started.

It doesn\'t take too much to correct me and he has learned that less is more with me. This desire might be stemming from a fantasy in childhood but it has improved our marriage a ton. It\'s not for everyone, but it works for us.

He's NOT my daddy. I am a professional and leader at that outside the home. He's my husband and he helps me be successful both at home and outside the home.

I guess i just wonder why you waste your valuable time reading such nauseating stories. as long as it is between 2 consenting adults then it should be noones business but theirs. we arent saying thqt vanilla is bad or that everybody needs to do it our way. i just wish women could support the right to chose

Without being labeled as weak. just mho

Right on, sister.

I had to quit the "lifestyle" for a while recently... I needed to check my mind, cause I felt it wasn't healthy all the time... Geez... Unhealthy was that month without DD!!!
People actually began asking me if I was depressed or something....

I was free to quit, I was free to bring it back. I was not forced into anything.

It's been hard to forgive myself for being this way, for having this "needs". It's hard to accept who I am...
But at 37 and after 20 years of relationship (with all kinds of dynamics), I KNOW this is what works best. By no means I'm saying this is the only way. It's just our way.

I think that\'s fair anonomacy.
If you are happy then really that\'s all that matters in this fleeting life of ours.

There's nothing wrong with you. If you are a surrendered submissive woman, good for you. The Bible says women like you are priceless and worth more than rubies.

Keep your hands off rubies - she's mine and knivesout's

I don't mean to hurt anyone with my stories or comments but you have to accept that coming on to a public forum like this is bound to attract dissenting views.

Awww Damsel... I do agree. I find it odd people think submissive women are weak or abused cuz most of the female subs are FEISTY chicas!

Well Damsel I certainly don\'t believe you or any of the ladies who posted here today are in abusive relationships but I do feel that there are at least 2 women on EP whom are in TIH relationships who I do believe are involved with abusive men.
I truly do not mean to hurt anyone and I am saddened that I have.

Jane-

I think you have a genuine desire to help, I think that\'s why this subject gets you so angry and why it\'s so hard for you to let it go.

I honestly think (though I have nothing direct to support this) that Domestic Violence (or Inter-Personal Violence) is likely higher in \"vanilla\" relationships. These women talk about their HoH only spanking when they are calm and how the HoH must be consistent. Those abilities aren\'t usually in the repertoire of abusers, there are exceptions of course, but I really think there is no causal relationship between DD and IV/DV.

I really think it might be rewarding for you to focus your energy into a place where you can help abuse victims. I think it will help you feel less angry and frustrated. I also think you would be amazing at it. If you are interested I am more than happy to help you find a organization to volunteer at. I\'m sure Damsel or Rubies would also be more than happy to help you get started.

Xoxo

*IPV/DV

Actually I have. The one shut me down immediately and I reached out to other subs on this site to talk to her. The other one I pm\'d but didn\'t hear back from. I worry about both these women to this day.

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I'm personally uncomfortable with the dynamic for myself .
I think it's healthy to question things.
I do feel that if this is happiness for some then it's their life and they should be free to live as they want provided its consensual and safe.
I become uncomfortable when it's suggested that this is natural or the only way to have a successful marriage.

It gets me mad.
I should just stop reading the stories.

Some thoughts.... most women are sensible enough not to submit to a man who they feel treats them badly and who they cannot trust. Most of us were married in vanilla marriages that were good and loving but going a bit stale. We needed that zing and for us D/s pepped it up.

For me I know there is a deep psychological thing going on, I love to tease and provoke him and I love that he rebukes me and takes control. It keeps things alive and exciting and I know he loves that too.

I love and hate the spanking in equal proportions, for one thing yes it hurts but I love how I feel afterwards. I noticed that the longer we do this, the spankings get more extreme, you get used to it and like a drug I guess, you need more to get the same effects. On the occassions when I think my husband hasn't spanked me hard enough, I feel let down. I guess that's why to the unintiated, it can seem like abuse.

Really though, I think it's the HoH's that have it the hardest. They have to be your husband, best friend, confidant, brother, father and teacher. They constantly have to be kept on their toes in order to maintain that level of trust. That trust is only obtained by communication and direction from both of you. It's a process of growth for both of you. My husband has helped me find myself. For that I will always be thankful :o)

Don\'t feel bad damsel, people will always disagree, it\'s what makes us people. Sometimes they get personal because they cannot think of anything constructive to argue in defence of what we tell them. I also get hurt on occassions but I can\'t stop defending my choices, I know how much happier this life has made us!

Nice points Roberta!

But it\'s not an \"honest critique\" LadyGypsy. You are calling good people stupid and worthless.

What specifically about D/s do you disagree with? I\'m guessing that you have a lot of preconceived notions about what it entails. (Most people do)

\"the entire sick twisted mental dom/sub community is worthless and stupid\"

Seems pretty clear to me.

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Do you have to be nominated by your wife or can you put your own name on the list? lmfao

It is my opinion that the girl had the easy part in a situation like this as she is punished then foregiven and lives without guilt. As the hoh I am responsable for EVERYTHING in my house and mudt carry the burden of guilt and the responsability of all that goes on... i s much worse than.a simple spanking and foregivness... DONT JUDGE UNTILL YOU WALK A MILE IN A DOMS Shoes

Hi Templeton,
Thank you for your comment and insight.
I don\'t think this tih business is all that healthy for Doms either. I feel it\'s a lot of stress, responsibility and guilt on the shoulders of 1 person. Not judging , Just my opinion.

I prefere not to need that kind of disapline. PERSONALY. but the responsability lays on my sholders.

That\'s why I don\'t want to try being a Dom...it seems like it\'s really easy to mess up...

Being a DOM is not something one should TRY to do.

Like I said...

Lol, I tried spanking my husband once too, but for fun because he said he wanted to feel what I do..lol, he felt it! He didn\'t ask again and a good thing too, it felt totally alien to me :o)

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Thank you to the 2 lovely gentlemen for commenting just now.
In fairness I do have to say that I am not in agreement with men being disciplined either. I do not believe women are superior. I believe the sexes are equal and thoroughly believe in compromise and egalitarianism in relationships.
I say the above with respect to both of you, meaning I respect your right to live your lives as you choose.

LOL Damsel...

I have never been in a relationship like that but the ones I have chat with that are often do things to be punished,on purpose.It is how they get excited or feel security.Don't ask me but that is what I have been told by more than one.

It gets them off, I agree.

I agree with gumshoe. It gets them off. It increases their endorphins. I personally prefer exercising to increase my endorphins rather than being spanked or other painful things. I think that kind of thing is a little kooky, but whatever floats your boat.

Having thought about this all some more - do you think they make some of it up.... its their fantasy?

I have role played but never had a good whipping, not sure if I would like it. I have thought about it many times....I was hogtied naked and left on the floor in the middle of the room and ignored for an hour while my then GF watched TV. I squirmed ask to be untied and she acted like I was invisible...Punish your man and make it memorable.

what on earth.... confused (and off to investigate)

crazy days

Well said! Men are the ones who need punishing, and I certainly punish my husband regularly.

LOL - fifty lashes with a wet noodle. But seriously, I have known quite a few men in HOH and TiH relationships who have secretly gone to dominatrixes on a regular basis and requested that they be "punished". Hearing about this made me realize that most people really do need balance in their life to be happy.

Sadly... I do not have a sweet lady.

Wanna TRY & spank me??? Jane

That be up to your sweet lady Templeton.

777heaven "This "group" consists of two stories. The other story was a direct result of abuse on a DD story."

Yes, I read that story and I absolutely agree with you !! However, involving children in DD practices is not common at all. In fact, keeping it from children it's a constant concern, considering the number of stories and comments asking advice about this issue.

Which leads me to a related subject : As a woman who's absolutely opposed to child abuse I am awed at the lack of interest at all this bunch of groups promoting physical punishment and humiliation of minors in front of others.
Why such leniency? People worry about us (consenting adults who have -in most cases- seek for this kind of relationship) being abused... but nobody seem to care about children. I had to stop reading a while ago because I felt nauseous and helpless. Nobody question them, just encouraging words ... It's a pity.

I actually have commented in groups that feel corporal punishment of children is acceptable. I objected, and pointing out why. But as is so often the case when here on EP you point out why something someone is doing may not be a good thing, I got personally attacked.

I know. Isn't it amazing how some people will come into a group that they are against and ***** and complaint about people coming into the group they are in favor of and expressing their dislike for it, and suggesting those people should stay out of their groups and only remain in the groups they like. How hypocritical. They see nothing wrong with doing the very thing that they are chastising others for doing, but to a lesser degree.

*whispers very quietly* I agree with you.

Now, you will have to excuse me, I think I just wet myself giggling... that wet noodle comment ended me!

Thank you very much SunniL.
I have read some of your writings and I find myself agreeing and respecting most of your opinions. I find you intelligent, wise and thoughtful.

*blushes*
Aww thank you Jane :)

This particular group is something needed just for adult discussion, not argument.

I can't say I agree or disagree with these type of relationships, just out of not wanting to be a hypocrite on my part.
I will say that I disagree with the out on edge way these people tend to be over anyone saying anything critical about how they live.

You simply cannot live in this day and age and honestly expect people to understand it. It has been that way for centuries and arguing over it will not stop it. But adult discussion and input will at least help those of us not getting it understand it just a little better.

We in the BDSM community that are responsible communicative individuals that can explain or at some point communicate our unhappiness so that the said Dominant can adjust what he/she is doing - even in a TPE relationship make little sense out of their world.

That was so for us not all that long ago and is still like that for the most part.

*rolls eyes and gets nauseated at the having to even entertain my next words*
50 Shades has explode open a lot of that for us. In some ways for the good as it has opened the line of communication for several people. Bad in other ways as people just don't get it and are using that piece of fiction to learn about the BDSM Community. In my opinion, not in a good or healthy way.

Oh ya, I could go on for days and days. Instead... if you all like, I can cross post my story on TiH, DD, etc from my group blog?

I wasn't in a DD, HOH, TIH or TPE relationship myself, but I was in a BDSM lifestyle relationship, wich is somewhat related.
My way of corrected my Dom was either to talk to him in a polite way, like disagreeing with other people with authority (police, teachers, goverment officials, etc.) and just having a good talk about it.
And if he really was being a stubborn @sshole, I'd first show him I'm unhappy and if that didn't work, I used my right to personal integrity as pressure (like denying him sex).
Little warning: doing that last thing usually doesn't end very well, especially when he has a wife to sleep with. :-p

See, it's totally possible to be a normal human being and still be someone's submissive 'for life'. ;-)

A very interesting and healthy debate going on here, if I may add something to it.. well, I'm into sort of wat we call, DD relationship with my better half. I do have an authoritative role, but that doesn't mean that I consider my wife to be a doormat, I give her respect and I expect the same from her. We however, have defined roles for each other, where she's supposed to be a home maker, a home where there's peace, love, comfort and neatness. I on the other hand am responsible for making ends meet, offer protection and absorb other tensions. As explained very nicely by others, this also doesn't mean that she has no say in our decisions, in fact from experience I've learned that women are more sensible and very good advisors.

Just giving my input in the matter. :)

I read this earlier today, and have been thinking about this since. I am submissive. I am not a doormat, my husband is not perfect, nor does he treat me like a child. My punishments consist of talking through what caused the problem, how to remedy it next time and lectures. I have never been sent to the corner, made to write lines, nor have been belittled by my husband. He is only punishing me because I beg him to. Why? because giving away my power is the only thing that turns me on. I had 13 years of a pretty sexless marriage because I was NEVER turned on. There are some women who are like this, and we choose this lifestyle because it's what works for us. Others of us do this for religious conviction. Yet others are tired of arguing. Myself, I have never argued with my husband. I have never hit him in anger, called him names or belittled him. I just closed myself off to him emotionally. I am learning though, the more I submit, the more he takes power, the more we communicate and we become more emotionally attached.

I know I will not make you understand, and I don't want to convince you to try it, but I felt I the need to explain some things. Not every shiny, pretty book cover has a shiny, pretty book inside and vice versa.

Thank you for explaining. I do appreciate the input and the fact that you are treating me with kindness when I may not deserve it.

Well, since I'm "the woman who had her I pad took away ", I'm posting here my answer as well :
I happen to be different from you. Not better, not worse. Just different. Why am I this way? I don't really know. I have made my research but still can't find the answer. So, at one point I just decided to accept myself and go on with my life as best as I could.I have ( believe me) since early childhood a fascination for spanking. Then as a teen I realized I was only attracted to dominant men. I have lots of friends, I am very liberal. But as a romantic partner I need a strong, confident man who guides me and asserts his authority from time to time. If this means to be treated like a child sometimes, so be it. It's the cost to fulfill my needs.My husband is not a "jackass " . He is a very kind man that happens to understand me and give me exactly the kind of relationship I always wanted. Does he make mistakes?? Of course, I've written plenty stories about that. Do I punish him? Nooo, of course not. You don't scold the boss. We talk and come to agreements. He is just a man, but he happens to be mine, and I asked him to please be a dominant. I think he's worthy and to be trusted.I know him since we were children and we've been together for 19 years, so I guess I can say I know him enough.I know you may see me as a nut case, a kinky pervert. But what can I do?? I won't change to be accepted. I don't even think I can change. My husband loves me, kinky, nuts and submissive and I love him for being the way he is with me. We don't harm anyone, we don't try to convince others to live like we do... So. Live and let live.

Thank you for explaining some of the dynamic to me and for being so nice. I have never thought you a nutcase or kinky pervert.
Live and let live... very wise.

<p>yea being treated like a six year old when you are a grown woman, is horrible,</p><p>Iv never meet a man who would be comfortable with same type of treatment. in any type of relationship.,</p>

Gypsy it just makes me so angry. I mean who the hell do these jackasses think they are anyway?
What really amazes me is that these wives in these marriages claim to respect these goofballs, If my hubby treated me in this way I would lose all respect for him and likely my lunch!

oh yea when i read the story where a women had her ipad took away and was grounded made me sooo angry.. my husband told me to calm down lol.....

i told my husband, if she tried to do that to her husband, i bet there would be hell to pay ..

I know! That is why I find this lifestyle so wrong. It feels so one sided and mean.

yes it does seem one sided

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