ConflictedI've been Christian all of my life. Well, up until, maybe a month ago. People always comment on what a good, faithful girl I am. But I'm really not. It hurts me inside to have this good, Christian image.
I'm a secret Agnostic. Only one of my friend knows, really. That's it.
I feel like God kind of let me down. I prayed constantly over something that was on my mind, and I never really got an answer back. It still plagues me, what I was praying about.
I began to see how all religions overlap and it made me feel sick inside.
Finally, on Facebook, there was a picture that popped up in my newsfeed. It was a picture of a girl who had gotten killed in a car accident. It was one of those 1 Like=1Prayer ones. But after I "liked" the picture, one of my very hypocritical friends blew up at me. She was going on and on about how I was a bad person for not dropping everything to pray.
And that's when I felt myself begin to doubt my entire faith.
It's the hypocrites like her who made me turn away. She thinks that just because she went a Christian school for a few years and that she goes to church every Sunday, she knows everything about God and if you don't agree with her, you're wrong. And I began to see the flaws in Christianity. Agnosticism seemed like the best fit for me after a while.
Unfortunately, I'm still forced to be an active member at my church, as I am just about to be confirmed. I had to give a children's sermon and everybody commented on what an amazing job I did, thus proving how flawed Christianity has become.
But I'm still very conflicted. I have a huge, irrevocable crush on a religious guy, who only dates religious girls....
MSonnapony 16-17, F 4 Responses 0 Apr 29, 2012