Loneliness Explained

There is a crowd of people all around me. They are all chatting and laughing. I am joining in. I flash them a smile and I look and act like I fit in, but I don't belong here. I don't trust any of them. I think they are all superficial and fake. In this scenario, I am a fake too...pretending that I care about their vacations, their home renovations, or their perfectly manicured lawns. It is all meaningless. I don't care about how "wonderful" their lives are. I am sure they don't care about my bull s%$! either. I can't wait until the evening is over and I can retreat to the seclusion and serenity of my domicle. This is why I am all alone. This is why I will always be all alone.
AlphabetSoup11 AlphabetSoup11
31-35, F
2 Responses Nov 20, 2011

Yep it's happening to me too.Thats why i'm came on here to talk with like minded people.I'm learning to let go of those friends for awhile,not in a hateing way just letting them go emotionaly for a bit,a time out,I have just found out i have been letting thier problems become my problems.I am at the moment trying not to be to concerned with what they are thinking.When i think about what they think about me i am not feeling well at all,it eats away at me.It has to be whats best for me.It does feel kinda selfish not worrying about anyone else.I'm learning i have to make sure i'm ok so i can be a good friend/person.I'm still learning.stuff.The next thing i'm trying is "change",i figure it may come from,"learning something different and happenings" at this stage.So much sadness comes along with it i did get guidence.I learnt new ways to think,foregave the ones who didn't know any better themselves.Now i feel a need to meet new people to talk on similar subjects.Hopeing this was ok,I have low selfesteem usually and usually end up over doing it by careing to much to the point it hurts.I am trying to change that by being on here with you guys.I'm looking for some feedback on ideas and new ways of thinking.Thanks and Cheers.NM ps i'm 50 and my disfuctional thinking started from birth.Hope is a cool thing.:)

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guys bein urself wuld be better when u knw oyhers dnt care about ur bs i knw hw it feel i go through it too