Loneliness Creeps In Again...

I was married at a very young age, a few years after we came back from Uk. The marriage was ok for a couple of years then due his mums interferrence from the start it started to crumble. He always defended me, but after 4 years years off marriage had gone by and still he was living with his parents and siblings and not independant, he statred taking his mums side. Left me all alone in that horrible house and fed to wolves. I hated his mum, i was so innocent then, at 16, the witch made my life miserable, used to make him do all the house chores liek a bloody servant. Anyhow after 5 years of living in a house, i didnt want to i escaped, took divorce finally.
Now my pusuing my education, thank god i carried on even after my marriage but i feel alone now. Some cirsumstances, such as my not having a mother ad a father that is a drug addict add to my share of stress. It hurts me to see i have nobody around me for moral support, i never thought i would end up being so alone in my entuire life. I wish i had my mum or a older sister but i don't have these pure relations and at times when i look at other poeple around me who have these, i miss them so much.
I'm sure one day i'll be happy again, somewhere out there is someone for me who is looking for a girl whom he could share his ups and downs with and just submerge in one another.
skyluv skyluv
2 Responses Apr 25, 2012

"and just submerge in one another"...what a great way to say it. Stay strong, focus on doing well, and you will find happiness.

Loneliness is a state of mind. It seems like a terrible thing for me to say, but it really is. I'm not saying that its your fault, but being open to people and being open to new relationships is a very tricky business, and it requires a lot of practice, gentleness and compassion. Everyone thinks that relationships should feel effortless, but when they do that's generally a sign you've found the right person to go on a long slow down-ward spiral with. The sad truth is, most things are accomplished by people who have learned to be alone. Solitude seems to be the hard prerequisite to creativity. I don't like being lonely either, but it seems to be a universal given. When you've learned to be alone, you become a small kernel of strength, and you start drawing like minded people around you. I was a sad junkie in my twenties and now I'm a journalist, musician and teacher, married and living in three story house. People wouldn't let me sleep on their couches, convinced I'd steal something. I'd get kicked out of coffee-shops and stairwells. People who knew me then see me now and they turn slightly pale, because they're sure I'm dead. It literally freaks me out some mornings when I wake up. How is it possible I'm not still living in a squat? It still gets lonely though and I know exactly how you feel.

I understand your point. Well said; at times that's exactly how i feel, and in a way when we are dependent on people it makes us weak, and co-dependent. And when i see myself now, having been though every obstacle in life all alone with out any family support system, i feel brave, i feel I'm much stronger than an ordinary an person. Putting the early marriage aside, I've accomplished a lot despite the emotional turmoils i had to face because of my own selfish family and my in laws. I took divorce 3 years ago when i was 23 and luckily i completed my education after 11th grade during the 6 year i was married. So i started doing law after i took a divorce and now 2 months ago my LLB finial years result came out and i cleared all subjects, so I'm a lawyer but the funny thing is, i was so passionate about doing law, now that I've done it, achieved my goal, i don't feel like working (maybe because i have a bit of migraine, although it is only worse when I'm stressed coz of my dad and honestly i miss having people around me). Plus i write in my blog on twitter now and then. I see your a journalist, that's interesting- i love the written word, I'm a hopeless book collector as well. I have huge passion for writing myself, but i need a lot of improvement and learning.